nowme

Hi. I have been trying to stay sober for a very long time. I can manage to stay sober for about 3 weeks. My husband does not have a drinking problem. He likes to drink a few beers once in awhile. I try to have a few but it usually does not work out that way.
This is where I need the advice. I want to be able to have beer in the house for him and guests when they come over. I have a lot of friends who drink socially and I don't want to make a huge deal about me being an alcoholic.
Is there a way to keep it in the house and not be tempted? Sometimes I'm not tempted and it is fine to have in the house and other times I lack restraint.
Is there anyone here who can keep it in the house without drinking it or do you think in time I will be able to have the restraint, that I just need to get some time first??

Dee74

I tried for many years to be a gracious host, but I was never able to keep alcohol in my house and not drink it.

I think you need to decide whats more important to you, nowme.

D

Soberpotamus

I certainly wouldn't be able to keep it in the house in front of me, not at this point anyway... and can't imagine ever being able to!

Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship with a man for about six years. He was a daily drinker. A functioning alcoholic. It NEVER worked out because I was a binge drinker... he had it at all times, though he didn't drink and become belligerent. But he couldn't go more than 24 hours without some major discomfort. I couldn't deal with not drinking ALL the alcohol, once getting started... so you can see what a disaster that was! We were kind of opposite types of drinkers, but a terrible combination.

Hopefully your husband will be amenable to keeping the alcohol out of the house.

IWillWin

I agree with Dee...I found that an alcohol free zone in my home was essential to my recovery. If guests are coming I will go out to a place where they serve alcohol but it does not cross my threshold.

I am a sneaky alcoholic and even with some time under my belt I know enough from being fearlessly honest with myself that I will absolutely, 100% eventually drink if it is in my home. That's just me, but it took me a long time to face that truth. Sometimes I have to be that brutal with myself - I cannot be trusted with alcohol in the home - and fess up to the fact that I am that powerless over alcohol.

Just a perspective - certainly many people can abstain with alcohol in their homes but I am definitely not one of them.

Olive1

I do not have any alcohol in my home, and I'm pretty sure that I will never have alcohol in my home.
I don't mind occasionally being around folks who are drinking, but I need my home to be free from it.
If he only drinks beers every once in a while, is it possible he could just do his every once in a while elsewhere?

sassu78

I was living with a roommate who kept alcohol in our place. I was able to stay sober. But if she invited our old drinking buddies over, I needed to leave the house. There was too much pressure to drink.

I wish that your husband could understand what you're going through and support you by keeping the house clean. It's hard to keep on going like nothing changed when in your head the whole world just did a 180 turn...
I moved out from that house last weekend and living by myself is so much more easier since there are a lot less distractions.

Stay strong and take care of yourself!

Deckard

I would not worry about having alcohol on hand to be a gracious host. You will be a much better and more gracious host if you are sober and if you've got things together...

nowme

My husband will keep it out of the house for awhile but then friends come over and it eventually makes its way back in. He also brews his own beer, that is a hobby of his. He has been doing it for 20 years.
I feel guilty that he may have to keep it somewhere else. I need to let him know that it would be best to have it elsewhere. I know he loves me but he doesn't understand why I don't have self control.
I know I'm an addict and he does as well. I'm not sure why he thinks it can be in the house and not tempt me. I did tell him just now to take it out of the house and he will. I just know I will have to keep reminding him.

Thank you all for your advice and encouragement!!

hhjameson

I'm interested in the responses here, my wife was the one who suggested, and enrolled, me in a 30 day program 4 years ago. I successfully went 8 months sober but have since relapsed and never looked back. She now makes her own wine in our bedroom. It's a constant struggle, and one which I fail, to win. How can she enroll me in rehab and brew it in our own bedroom without question?

Elisabeth888

My husband drinks and all of the alcohol is downstairs in the basement. Out of site, out of mind.

wiscsober

I am sure there are many recovered alcoholics who keep alcohol in their residences, but I know of only a couple, and I am not one.

Interestingly the couple people both have over 15 years of sobriety and are very active in AA (working the steps and service work). Have worked the steps. Have lived a long time sober. Continue to help others.

I'm too lazy to look it up but there is a paragraph in the AA Big Book that addresses this issue; that it is possible for recovered alcoholics to keep alcohol in the home for entertainment reasons.

But I can not put the cart before the horse: all of this should happen because of sobriety, and not trying to force things before sobriety. IMHO

Dee74

I know that some people find it possible to do this - good luck to them - thats their prerogative.

It's not something I would recommend to any one new or struggling tho.

6 years on and I still don't keep alcohol in my home - I'm a non drinker and I keep my place an alcohol free zone.

My guests know this and support that.

No doubt drunk me, if he could see me now, would call me pompous and arrogant and thoughtless to my guests....but I spent way too many years putting other people ahead of my well-being.

I'd rather live the way I want to live now.

D

MemphisBlues

I have alcohol in the house on occasion. My girlfriend might have a glass of wine once in a while. Or when company comes, I have no problem having alcohol around.

But for those first steps into recovery land, man, I think a spouse or friend would certainly understand if I had said no, get it out, don't bring it around.

But the people I hang with who do drink are amateurs. I mean, one glass? And leave an inch of wine in the glass to dump out later. Makes no sense to this alcoholic. But that's why they can drink. I can't.

I buy into the philosophy that while any obsession of my mind to drink has been lifted, I firmly believe that my body's obsession is still very fresh. Just one drink and this body would have to have a lot more and often with little let up.

But since the mental obsession is gone, I know not to feed my body's irrevocable obsession.

legna

If you are an alcoholic, then it is my opinion that sobriety is a matter of life and death. If sobriety is not a matter of life and death - then you are probably not an alcoholic imo.

I don't keep loaded guns in the house around my grandchildren for much the same reason. As for the spouse with a hobby... any hobby of mine that threatened my wife's life would be a past hobby.

Marcher13

We have alcohol in the house, wine and beer in the fridge and a drinks cupboard, it doesn't bother me in the least because it's no longer 'mine' in the sense that I don't drink any longer. If it did bother me I would not have it in the house because recovery and sobriety are more important than a bit of embarrassment. Think about it honestly, can you tell yourself you're not ever going to have any if it's in the house? The response to that gives you your answer.

Years ago I used to work behind a bar so maybe that's how I make the required mental shift now. We all cope with different things easily or with difficulty and that's OK.

deeker

Simple-have your husband buy it the day your guests are coming over and get rid of what's left when they leave. But really, If I were trying to get sober and was still in the early days I wouldn't have people over who were drinking and if your hubby doesn't have a problem then I am sure he would abstain in support of you. Whether it is in the house or not though if you want it you will find a way to get it. At least if it is not in the house you will have that time to think it through before getting it whereas if it is there you may not think it through.

If it's there it will just make you crazy in the head, trust me.

Nighthawk8820

But you have to realize it IS a big deal, and your recovery and health come before being a good hostess. Dont have people over for a while, not until you are sure you are strong enough to rebuke any temptations you may experience. You may think your husband will resent it, but he will resent living with an alcoholic spouse a lot more, especially down the road if you progress and get worse (which is almost always the case). Dont hide what you are trying to do, because there is NO shame in it. Be vocal, ask for help and understanding when you need it, and dont put your own needs on the back burner, because you deserve a life free of addiction. Anyone who doesn't support you on this, then they may need to get gone. Its difficult, but your life and happiness is always worth it. Know that.

LadyinBC

I live with my daughter and her husband and they don't keep any around. Her hubby likes to have a few drinks during hockey games and he will have them and then the booze is hidden away after. However it is their house so if they want it around I don't have a problem with it, but it isn't something I currently have to worry about. I know I am really lucky, they are very supportive of me and do go above what they have to do.

I don't have a partner so I don't have to worry about them drinking. If I was living on my own there is no way I would have it in the house even now, but that is just me. If my guests want to drink, they can bring their own. Yeah I know, that is being a terrible host, but the friends I have now probably wouldn't even bring the booze over anyways.

nowme

Thank you everyone. I am glad I asked that question!!! It has helped a great deal putting these thoughts and worries ? in perspective.
Deeker~ you brought up a great point that I can share with my H. It will be easier for me to drink without thinking it through if it is in the house. If it is not I will have a better chance of successfully turning it down if I have a craving. We live about 10 -15 minutes from the store and I can't drive. I would have to ask him to take me to go get it.
I know this is common sense, but the way you stated that it would be a bother to go get it something I need to engrain in my brain
Thank you everyone once again, this site is so helpful.
I'm going to try to stick around this time. Sometimes, I feel weird posting on this forum. I'm talking to a bunch of people I don't know, it's stupid etc.. These are the lies I say because I don't want to have to depend on anyone but myself. I think horrible thoughts at times. I don't know if its paranoia or what ?? I analyze way too much at times.
When I start thinking like that, I need to just replace those ideas with positive ones. It is the "addict" thinking those thoughts, not the true me.

LadyinBC

Don't ever feel weird posting here. Not any of us know each other, but we are connected because we have an addiction and I know for me, these people understand me more than anyone else. When I read posts here, they just click and I get them.

It was always my ego that made me want to do everything on my own, but I have finally realized that it is okay to ask for help and that I don't have to do it on my own. Because I can't do it on my own. We have to retrain our thoughts and how we think.

You really are among friends here even though you don't personally know anyone. We all just want to stay sober, grow and help others.