Zebra1275

Time helps.

Also working the steps of AA can help.

Grungehead

I agree, but steps take time too. I am on step one with my sponsor. If all goes well when we meet tomorrow we will move on to step 2. We meet once a week (besides meetings) so I have to be patient and follow directions. I've tried being my own sponsor in the past and it didn't work out too well.

Ptcapote

Hey Mizz, I feel you on this topic, truly. My last big drinking stunt also still makes me cringe and my stomach drop when I think about it. It was also an airplane/airport incident and I travel so much of the time that I get to think about it A LOT. I don't know if it stings less or how I am doing on forgiving myself but I am learning to use that incident to remind me of why I cannot ever, ever drink again. When I have little pity parties for myself lamenting why I just can't be "normal" and how much I miss booze, I force myself to go to that memory and all of its attendant horrible feelings. Most of it really, for me, stems from tremendous embarrassment but I didn't really do a stand-up job representing myself or my company by passing out in public either. I didn't get "caught," technically, but I know for certain there are at least two traumatized Aussie parents and their young children who got to witness my episode.

Anyway, by way of a long answer I still think you are extremely brave and self-aware and are doing fabulous.

p.s. My name is Patricia, too. Maybe there's something about our name and getting our alcoholic freak on in airports and on airplanes? Just kidding

hhjameson

I feel ashamed every time. I always seem to do something that would hurt myself, my family or my friends. I wake up and I wonder what I did, because I honestly don't remember. The suggestions in this thread are great and I can't wait to hear more.

Pedro1234

Luckily life is usually filled with another chance. "Its called "tomorrow" Embrace what you have achieved in the past 3 months and move forward towards a better life. Shame and embarrassment are yesterday and you cant change that. You are completely in charge of "tomorrow" and each tomorrow you live in charge is one day further away from that shame and embarracment.
Dont dwell on the past Mizzuno

Mizzuno

Thanks so much for all the replies. @ PT. Maybe there is something to being a Patricia and Airports? This was too funny. Thank you PT.

So, I was cleaning out my car, and I thought of people that I have not yet forgiven. I realized that forgiveness is not easy for me. If I can not forgive another how am I going to forgive me? I do not have to see these people that I have not forgiven, but I look in the mirror everyday at myself. Then there is this saying that forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about you and your being able to move on form the damage. There is no other person here, or maybe there is. There is the drunk running shoe, Mizzuno....and the sober running shoe, Mizzuno. Honestly, there is the drunk Patrica and the sober Patricia. I should most likely forgive the drunk self. It is an out of control mess. This was the catalyst ( as another member said) to get me into a different reality. I hope this rambling makes sense. This just may be one of those soul lessons for me!

Nighthawk8820

Well that is okay, feel the guilt and process through it. It will go away with time, but dont be scared of it..........or any feeling for that matter. Learn to feel these things with a clear head, but try and not dwell. There is no changing the past, but you can learn from it. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, but if you learn from it and try your best to change, then its not for nothing. Chin up!!!