Gilmer

I had five months' sobriety and was having a terrible time with cravings. Morning to night I craved a buzz. Finally I caved in with a little bit, on the spur of the moment one day. It was only a little bit, and it was very pleasant. Instead of thanking God for the blessing and being content, though, I turned into a voracious monster, sneaking bottles anytime I could get away with it to try to reproduce that feeling. Nothing worked, though. After a glass of each concoction I got frustrated and angry and ill and dumped the bottle out. But I kept trying and trying! And lying and lying! Don't you all hate liars? A person's word should be his bond. But I have been a total captive of alcohol all over again. Because of a bit of temptation from the AV, I snatched defeat from the jaws of five months of victory! Believe me, it's so much harder to quit the second time around. Please don't relapse. If you've relapsed already, just tie yourself to the mast. It will never be worth it again. I've got thirteen days back now--unless you count yesterday. I was doing fine, when a lady at the supermarket was offering wine samples to taste. Stupid me--I had one! I knee-jerked, and was in the middle of making eye contact and taking it from her before I thought, "THIS IS WINE!" Obviously, it was just a little bit, it tasted bad, and it had no effect--but it ruined my conscience. So actually I've got one day's sobriety if you count the wine tasting. Either way, I bought a new bead for my "sobriety bracelet" today. It's very pretty, and it makes me feel good again, and not so ashamed to start at the absolute bottom. I used to be on top of the world when I got sober the first time. It's not worth it to relapse. And if anybody offers you a wine tasting, DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT!

least

Sorry to hear you caved in but good that you're back on the wagon again.

ImperfectlyMe

Glimmer on the bright side you caught yourself before you fell to deep. You also solidified any question about wanting your sobriety. You also helped someone (me) or maybe many who let that little thought creep in that drinking would be oh do wonderful .... If only....

Thank you yor your post I needed to read it tonight.

ImperfectlyMe

Oh btw those alcohol samples..... They had a vodka sample at my grocery store. I didn't sample but thought WTF. Who samples vodka while getting apples?

Hevyn

Hey Gilmer. You are SO right - it will never be worth it again. There's no going back for us. You are now armed with important knowledge. Congrats on your 13 days sober. The days will pile up again - and you'll feel great. Thank you for a helpful post.

pravchaw

Sobriety is not a straight road. Every lapse or relapse is a learning opportunity. Though its better to learn from other people's mistakes than your own. Thanks for posting.

Ladybug2

Yeah, really! It seems to everywhere now that I'm not drinking.

Gilmer, thanks for your post. I have 36 days and the last few have been rougher than usual. AV is back, bugging me again, to just have a few. Good to hear from others that it wasn't worth it. 5 months is awesome! You can do it again, best of luck

trikyriky

a slip , not failure , go easy on yourself. I've had my share of day ones. It's a journey. Give yourself credit for the clean time , begin again

LDT

Glad to have you back, Gilmer.

Dee74

Welcome back Gilmer

D

Greensleeves

I'm glad you're back, Gilmer.

Midlifecrisis

Welcome

Back

Gilmer

whosetoblame

i had that offered to me at work of all places, but thank God no offers at this moment cause im really feelin weak God help me. I have to keep remembering the last drink, truly a nitemare. I fell down the rabbit hole and it took days to crawl out. It was so twisted. I couldn't even tell you my exact sobriety date, but i going to say it was July 10 2012. July 10 2013 will be 1 year. Pray for me that i hold on to my conviction.

deeker

Hang in there gilly!

Gilmer

Hi, everybody! Thanks so much for the warmth! Inperfectly Me, I love your avatar! It's totally me! Trikyriky, you are an encouragement and an inspiration. I do tend to flagellate myself for failure. Time to take a deep breath, don't look back and move forward! MLC, I hear that you're doing great! I'm so pleased!

Fandy

Glad to read you Gilmer....you did what i did at one time to a t. More than once.
But dont just brush off those 5 months, remember that feeling and build on it.
You caught yourself and now you have learned something very valuable...it's a tool for future issues that will pop up.
Really good to post here everyday, connect and draw strength.

Gilmer

Hi, Fandy. Unfortunately, SR is blocked at my home, which is why I went from posting 24/7 to dropping off the face of the earth! Believe me, I miss it! I'm at a motel now. I have been checking in periodically from the public library, too. I also plan to start attending a women's AA meeting on Wednesdays. I think I have proved that I need accountability!

instant

Glad you are back on track

raja12

Glad to see you are back. And I really love your idea of a sobriety bracelet.
I remember reading your 1st post about doing that.
I've had my ups and downs too. You still have those 5 months. And you can just keep adding to them.

forabetterlife

Five months is amazing, Gilmer, and I think that your story goes to show that we are never safe from the claws of addiction, and that it is never, ever worth it. A relapse never turns out ok in the end, it's time for me to learn that. Congrats on jumping right back into it, good for you.