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Old 06-09-2013, 09:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Where I was...


Well I'm home... at least physically.

It's quite silent here... and it drives me insane. I can't remember everything I did last night but I know I got really drunk.
I first started to drink "too much" because, just like everyone else, I had my own personal problems and issues. But then, i found out just how cool it was to just smoke listen to rock, drink and get rowdy "... live fast and die young."

I still love that quote ... but I know drinking ain't got nothing to do with the live fast idea... actually I think I was fast back then when I wasn't ...(and i think it's time to admit it)... an alcoholic.

For like 2 years?(I'll be 22 y.o soon)... yes, i think it's been more than 2 years since I got used to drinking alot. It scares me that I started to forget stuff... And to actually be unable to go back in time and figure out ... like where did I leave stuff like keys, phone etc.

I'm not even half as fit as i used to be... and I can't think straight... I like to work and I always did but drinking makes work feel like a living hell.

Anyhow I've been aware of the drinking, smoking... and drug related issues but didn't really care. Well it's been a long while since i last had any drug issue so at least I know I'm good at this chapter.

But smoking and drinking... I started smoking since I was 13 or so... and I can't count the times I got wasted.
Enough is enough and last night got me really scared and ashamed of myself...

Tho I forgot almost everything, I know the whole story (i think) cause of my bud that brought me back home...

It was supposed to be a great saturday, we planned to have some fun with american folks (marines)... laugh, talk about stuff, drink and do all kinds of little crazy things... and we did so... For several hours I had a lot of fun... the more I poured, the more fun I had until I got wasted and got very rowdy and started to shout and get angry over nothing i think... I really wanted to get drunk... but I didn't expect such an outcome.
When everyone figured that I was really hammered and that it was no good to stay out anymore, my bud next to me decided to pick me up and bring me home... On my way home I had to smash my fist against a concrete wall... had to throw up 2 times and even **** my pants when I tried to take a leak... and scare everyone up... I was so drunk, rowdy and violent that I could fight the devil himself... But I got home dirty, stinking of booze and bleeding like hell... just like a darn hobo...
I hate myself cause, even if we all get drunk (me and my buds)... I feel like I let everyone down and I know I looked like a fool. And we had such a great time and I made so many new friends in one day but I just blew it like I know how to do best... Shame on me!
And to think that yesterday we talked about a future job at the US base...

So yes, drinking brought me nothing but problems... it didn't help me in a single way and I know that today I may be 100% positive about going sober and no more drinking but this wouldn't last for more than 3 days...
I always find excuses and I know that my problem ain't nobody's business... I'm the only one that's gonna fight this crap and I know I had enough. So no more drinking and smoking!

I decided to join this forum, to "meet" new people that have or had similar issues and share experience and ideas and ... Try to help and receive help if possible. Thank you!
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Old 06-09-2013, 04:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR cognek

Yes by the time I'd finished there was nothing cool about drinking...I'm really glad you found us.

Check in regularly and read and post as much as you like - it really helps that 'maybe I overreacted and I don't have a problem' stage...

D
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Old 06-09-2013, 04:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!!
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Old 06-09-2013, 04:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Glad you found this site...lots of support and information. Sounds like you hang with a drinking crew; keep your eyes and ears open for those around you who may not so you can turn to them too.
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Old 06-09-2013, 04:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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By the end of my drinking career I drank morning til night cause I had to have it in me at all times. I'm so much happier and healthier now it's amazing.

I'm glad you found us and joined the family!
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Old 06-09-2013, 04:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome cognek! I'm so sorry you had a terrible night, but very glad you found us.

This is a great place where we all understand - we've all done stupid and dangerous things while drinking/drugging. Here's where you can begin a new chapter in your life - please don't spend a lot of time on guilt and regret. It's time to look to the future and the good things that are still waiting for you. You can do it!
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A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 06-09-2013, 06:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cognek View Post
Well I'm home... at least physically.

It's quite silent here... and it drives me insane. I can't remember everything I did last night but I know I got really drunk.
I first started to drink "too much" because, just like everyone else, I had my own personal problems and issues. But then, i found out just how cool it was to just smoke listen to rock, drink and get rowdy "... live fast and die young."

I still love that quote ... but I know drinking ain't got nothing to do with the live fast idea... actually I think I was fast back then when I wasn't ...(and i think it's time to admit it)... an alcoholic.

For like 2 years?(I'll be 22 y.o soon)... yes, i think it's been more than 2 years since I got used to drinking alot. It scares me that I started to forget stuff... And to actually be unable to go back in time and figure out ... like where did I leave stuff like keys, phone etc.

I'm not even half as fit as i used to be... and I can't think straight... I like to work and I always did but drinking makes work feel like a living hell.

Anyhow I've been aware of the drinking, smoking... and drug related issues but didn't really care. Well it's been a long while since i last had any drug issue so at least I know I'm good at this chapter.

But smoking and drinking... I started smoking since I was 13 or so... and I can't count the times I got wasted.
Enough is enough and last night got me really scared and ashamed of myself...

Tho I forgot almost everything, I know the whole story (i think) cause of my bud that brought me back home...

It was supposed to be a great saturday, we planned to have some fun with american folks (marines)... laugh, talk about stuff, drink and do all kinds of little crazy things... and we did so... For several hours I had a lot of fun... the more I poured, the more fun I had until I got wasted and got very rowdy and started to shout and get angry over nothing i think... I really wanted to get drunk... but I didn't expect such an outcome.
When everyone figured that I was really hammered and that it was no good to stay out anymore, my bud next to me decided to pick me up and bring me home... On my way home I had to smash my fist against a concrete wall... had to throw up 2 times and even **** my pants when I tried to take a leak... and scare everyone up... I was so drunk, rowdy and violent that I could fight the devil himself... But I got home dirty, stinking of booze and bleeding like hell... just like a darn hobo...
I hate myself cause, even if we all get drunk (me and my buds)... I feel like I let everyone down and I know I looked like a fool. And we had such a great time and I made so many new friends in one day but I just blew it like I know how to do best... Shame on me!
And to think that yesterday we talked about a future job at the US base...

So yes, drinking brought me nothing but problems... it didn't help me in a single way and I know that today I may be 100% positive about going sober and no more drinking but this wouldn't last for more than 3 days...
I always find excuses and I know that my problem ain't nobody's business... I'm the only one that's gonna fight this crap and I know I had enough. So no more drinking and smoking!

I decided to join this forum, to "meet" new people that have or had similar issues and share experience and ideas and ... Try to help and receive help if possible. Thank you!

Its awesome you are figuring this all out at such a young age. I try and not live too much in the past, but I cant imagine where I would be now if I knew at your age all I have learned today. I could be PRESIDENT, jk. Its odd, you think alcohol is so freeing at one time, but it robs your soul of all that you are. Luckily, these personality traits come back over time. I am finding my sense of humor and charm have come back, and I couldn't be more thrilled. These are parts of me I thought were long gone, and I missed them. I can live faster without alcohol and remember it all this time as well, lol. You will really enjoy sobriety, so stick with it. Its a game changer for sure.
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Old 06-10-2013, 01:04 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Ye it's really hard not to think about it over and over again and say ... "boy... am i stupid or what"... I guess it takes time. Anyhow... glad I found this forum and got to meet you folks!
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