elp19744

I managed to get sober for about a month and I was feeling amazing. Then one night I thought no problem I can be one of those people who have a glass of wine and not need another. The problem is that now I'm back to drinking too much EVERY night. I used this forum when I first got sober and it helped, but once I went back drinking I took it out of my favourites and kept telling myself that I'm not a drunk and that I don't need it. Well surprise surprise I am a drunk. Once I start drinking I can't stop until I fall asleep. My wife is a moderate drinker and I have at least four glasses of wine (plus whatever I drink straight out of the bottle when I'm pouring) to her one glass. Here is hoping that this is the first of many posts, and a first step to recovery. I need to get better. I'm worth it. I deserve a normal life, not the rollercoaster life of a drunk.

BruceJ

You are one of the lucky ones that can realize/admit this. Many of us have to do more research like go to jail, go to prison, lose jobs, lose homes, hurt someone else, etc. before we wake up.
All the best.

LadyinBC

I agree with Bruce you are lucky that you realize this. I know I can't just have one, I don't even think in those terms anymore. I just want to get drunk.

However it is hard to admit this even to myself, but for me it is the reality.

Michael66

Hi elp

I made the same mistake. I had a year's sobriety and thought that would have "reset" my system so I could join the moderate drinkers. Of course my drinking soon escalated to back where it was and then carried on increasing. It took me years to get back on the wagon, so well done for dealing with it so soon. This time around I knew it was a decision for sobriety for life. I'm really really glad I made that decision. Now I wouldn't go back to social or moderate drinking even of that were possible - I've come to love the sober life.

God bless, and well done for getting back on the wagon.

instant

Welcome. This can be a new beginning. I struggled for years with the issues you describe. Things only changed for me when I fully embraced sobriety unconditionally and let tomorrow take care of itself.

solesman

I think I am in the same boat elp, but my poison of choice is Crown Royal. It is very rare that I can have a drink or two and then stop for the night. And, like you, my wife has one for every 2 or 3 that I have.

Good luck with your new found sobriety.

MendipMan

Hi Elp, you are not unique in this..... we all did it! This dream that once we have been dry for a while we will be able to go back to social drinking! This is the addicted part of your brain talking. It is not going to happen, and every alcoholic in recovery on this site will tell you the same. Those that do not grasp this truth are not here anymore. I can't be blunter than that! BUT... you have acknowledged it. That is a huge step. It is not the end of the world not to drink. Where you are.... I am sure it feels like a dreadful idea, but after a while you realise that life is soooo much better without that sh*t in your life. I have not had a drink in 18 months. My life gets better and better every day. I don't miss the booze, I rarely think of it for my own sake although I work with Alcohol dependants and their families. If I did try and drink socially now, I know I would be back to being an alcoholic and it would finish the job this time and kill me.

Please please take my advise and accept that you can't drink. See the desire and the temptation as a little voice in your head that is determined to not just ruin your life but destroy you. Your own personal demon. When the voice tempts you..... tell it to *&%$ off and even imagine blasting it into a million pieces. Eventually you will stop being tempted. It is a shame that your partner continues to drink. Ask if they can help you by not drinking in front of you and never tempting you to just have the one!

Keep going... you are an intelligent person and clearly the voice of reason can still be heard above that of the demon. Don't let the b**tard grind you down

mfanch

I did this. Over and over again. I would go up to 4 years without a drink and then tell myself, "See, I'm better". Then BOOM. I'm a drunk. I will always be a drunk whenever I drink. It is what it is.

I know now that I can't have even one drink. I'm okay with that. Thank you for the reminder. Glad you are here.

deeker

ME!! All of the above. But I woke up! Praise God!

Dee74

welcome back elp

D

bexxed

Hi elp. I do the same thing. I've done it a few times. And every time it escalates back to where I was, then gets a little worse. 2 years ago I was drinking 4 glasses of wine a night, sometimes 5 or 6, but always at night. Last year the occasional beer with lunch turned into one before. Then, even if I was working. Then, breakfast. At all of these steps I had stopped and told myself I could be 'Moderate" (I don't know what normal is).

I'm starting to think that if we think we need to moderate, we probably just need to stop. But that's for us to learn. I like the comment above about "extra research". I lol'd actually. I'm lucky like you because my research hasn't extended to jail, etc. But there's no difference between me, with my nice job and income and my cute clothes french pedicure and peppy facebook profile... and someone who has just lost their job and their front teeth in a bar fight, who just got arrested for DUI after killing someone in a car accident. The line that separates us is invisible. For me, the way to not get there is to stay sober, today.

Hevyn

Glad you found your way back, elp. In the end, every time I picked up it led me to a miserable place. I never knew what would happen. I just can't take the chance again. I'm happy you've realized you need to be more vigilant. You can do it.

deeker

Welcome, this is from the AA Big book. hard truth to swallow sometimes i know. Hope you stick around friend.

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been charaterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Page 30, lines 1 - 6
Reprinted with Permission of AA World Services

Tricia40444

I thought the same way

Bubovski

Thought I could be moderate for many years past time in de tox and extreme drinking.
Worked reasonably till B.C.D. (big crash day) 14/1/13 and I've had to do a big rethink.

Anna

I'm glad you're back.