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I've decided to isolate myself

Old 05-23-2013, 01:05 PM
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I've decided to isolate myself

I've decided to isolate myself from my last few friends (who i never see anyway) and just have contact with my mum who i live with for the next year. IN the last 4 years i have met my 3 friends about 20 times and the rest of the time i just stay on my own. No distractions and ill be honest their not the best of friends anyway, whats the point? I've been alone the last 4 years anyway so not talking to them on the phone i don't care. Sometimes i think im depressed but i'm not sure. Does anyone else feel like this or am i starting to go crazy? I just feel if i dont talk to anyone and dont go anywhere i can focus on leaving the booze alone, losing weight and being a better person. Theres alot of snakes out there i just think sometimes i should be alone.
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:31 PM
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Keeping it simple!
 
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When I quit drinking I changed people, places and things. People especially as the only thing I had in common with them was work and drinking. I have 2 good friends left. I live with my daughter and her husband and I'm perfectly content with what I have right now.

No pressure to be anything I am not with others.
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:32 PM
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I think being alone for periods of time here and there can be really theraputic thats how I quit weed and later cigarettes. was a heavy pothead for 7 years and was a chain cigarette smoker too.
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:38 PM
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Just my experience but when i'm alone with myself for a long time, that's when i'm most dangerous to myself. I need occasional contact with friends. I go to AA and have made a lot of friends there. When i go to meetings, i need the people there to remind me that i'm an okay person and i'm not alone. If your friends are triggers to you then perhaps it is a wise idea to distance yourself from them. Instead of isolating yourself, how about you look at ading some sober friends to your life?
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:48 PM
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I spend a lot of time alone, but I keep busy. I enjoy being alone, but the right friends can be a help. If the people you're talking about were primarily drinking buddies, then you're probably better off alone than being with them. But I would advise not passing up an opportunity to make new, sober friends of good character.
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:49 PM
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In my experience, much like Grits, being alone only fueled my alcoholism. I became a full-time isolated user for about 1.5 years and I lost my job and nearly killed myself and have the ER visit bills to prove it.

Once you're comfortable in basic sobriety, (as was stated above) it's all about changing people, places, and things. Ditching your old buddies is probably for the best - but how are you going to fill that hole? What are you going to do with your time? When you say "focus on sobriety and losing weight", I'm guessing you don't just sit down at the kitchen table and stare at books whilst munching on lettuce for 8 hours. You're probably sitting around, surfing online, on the same damn sofa you sat on when you were 12 years old. And that's not going to help anything.

Losing old relationships is fine, but find a new hobby or interest to replace them. Being alone is fine too - as long as you aren't replicating the same behaviors you were when you were an active alcohol user. And maybe it might be time to move out of your mum's place sometime - how about making that a goal?
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:55 PM
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I suppose many in recovery are different
in what their needs and wants are. Maybe
many need to have that connection to others
or just the need to be around others and not
wanting to be left alone.

Then there are folks like me who at 22 yrs
sobriety enjoys my solitude away from the
rat race. In my past 50 plus yrs in life, ive
worked in customer service, banking, bakery,
retail always around others. I also was married
for 25 yrs. with a little family of 4. So I did
the mom and wife duties and now have remarried,
relocated and retired.

My spouse still works while I enjoy gardening,
my outdoor birds, court tv, golf tv, and riding
passanger with my husband on our Harley and
getting tattoos.

I come here to SR to share my ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes with many who are also in
recovery. The only time Im around others is on
the weekend when we go grocery shopping together
around 6 or 7AM. Well before most folks are awake.
Then an occasional outing to eat and our weekend
trips to Lowes and Target where we seen on a regular
bases.

Other than that, my spouse and I enjoy each
others company and companionship, solitude
and support.

For us, living a recovery life simple and quiet
is a blessing which we mostly appreciate.
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Old 05-23-2013, 02:01 PM
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Brad:

To me it depends on what your motivation is to be alone. Are you doing it to try and escape facing up to challenges/realities that you'd rather not face? Or are you doing it because you enjoy it and function better on your own? There are plenty of ways to be out and about and engaging yourself with others without actuallly making long-time friends or relationships if that's what you fear. Volunteering, attending community events, churches and associated groups, there are a multitude of things you can do where there is no long term committment to other individuals.
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Old 05-23-2013, 02:22 PM
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Scottfromwi i do enjoy being on my own whilst i try to recover and put my life back together but i dont ultimately wanna be alone , i just find it easier to recover on my own
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Old 05-23-2013, 02:34 PM
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I so get it... I've basically been in my man cave for the last 30 days. I feel a little depressed, but I'm starting to feel more up than down and my motivation to do stuff is returning. I think my motivation before was basically to do other stuff to get to a drink (if that makes any sense). Now I getting to the point where I feel like doing things for the sake of doing them. Call it the Beast, AV, Stinking, Pavlovian Conditioning or whatever; I think it just takes time to adjust to all things sober you need to push, but not to the point of blowing things out. If the depression you feel has been around for a couple months I would personally see someone. Oh.. And as AASharon mentioned, we all do have different underlying personalities and interests so try take that into account. For me right now Its about building a better house starting with the foundation. I'm trying not to rush nor procrastinate; to find some kind of balance.
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Old 05-23-2013, 04:06 PM
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Towards the end of my drinking, I was isolating myself from my family. I did have to give up all the friends (as they were drinking buddies) and I split from my boyfriend after 6 years. I am now moving in with my parents (long story but it had to do with my parents trying to evict my ex-boyfriend from the house that we rented from them). I work, go to group meetings everyday during the week, AA meetings on the weekend and will start seeing my sponsor on a regular basis. I feel that I had to let go of everyone in my life and completely start over from scratch. I started with group/meetings and am now finding my family again. Eventually, I will branch out to make new (sober) friends and will find someone special. Take baby steps... it all doesn't have to happen at once.
Once I said good bye to all my friends and my boyfriend, I didn't think that I would ever find people to be around. But once you start, slowly, putting yourself out there, things will just happen.
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Old 05-23-2013, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by bradley26 View Post
Scottfromwi i do enjoy being on my own whilst i try to recover and put my life back together but i dont ultimately wanna be alone , i just find it easier to recover on my own
Nothing wrong with that at all. Keep us handy here at SR if you want any help, someone is always here to listen!
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:58 PM
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I isolated myself too. I only had contact with friends through social media/text/phone for the last couple years as I was hiding the true extent of my drinking. My family and ex-gf are the only ones who knew I had become a full-blown alcoholic. I went to rehab last year, and sobered up, but all my friends have moved on to other places with their lives and I am starting over again really. I am quite lonely, but at least I am sober!
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