nightlilly

I started dating my boyfriend in Janurary. He's been in recovery for 2 years and just completed a 2 year program in December. The beginning of the relationship was nothing short of amazing. Something you'd see in a movie. I would have said we were soul mates. However, the past 2 months he's been closing off to everything. Has been more depressed than I've ever seen anyone be. Has pulled away completely. He keeps saying things like "I'm F*cked in the head, I dont know whats wrong with me" "I'm an addict this is apart of who I am" "nothing makes me happy anymore" "I'm sorry I hurt you, I know I'm neglecting you and its not fair to you" I have been all but begging him to go to a meeting (Hasnt been to one in over a month) He has started lashing out me. Making excuses why he cant go to meetings.. He's favorite excuse is his work schedule. He tells me I just dont understand. I've come to the point where I'm lost. This morning I told him to get help for himself and not to contact me until he did. He then told me how it was my fault for his downward spiral and Im a horrible person for leaving him in his time of need. Did I do the right thing?

nightlilly

Its much more complicated than it seems in that post... I've tried all I can think of..finding meetings that are on his days off, offering to go with him, driving him.. begging him to talk to someone if I dont offer much help.. he says his buddies just tell him it will pass (they were in the program too and he lives with someone who graduated the program).. He just wont get help for himself. It killing me.. I feel like I've walked away from the love of my life. Maybe I am a horrible person.

MeSoSober

Maybe he IS depressed -- as in clinically depressed. Can you get him to a doctor?

EverySngleNight

I honestly believe you did the right thing. Let him know that you're there for him... But you can't be in charge of anyone else's happiness. He needs to take the steps to get back on track, and you've tried to help!! At a certain point, you've gotta look out for #1. He's obviously depressed, but he has to fight it and get help. You can't do that for him. You just can't. Maybe this will be the wake-up call he needs. I respect what you've done. Stay strong!!

If he wants help- by all means help him find it! You do love him after all.

nightlilly

I believe he is clinically depressed. He wont go to a Dr. says he doesnt have benefits at work, and even if he did he wouldnt go. Every thing I've said to try to help has been shot down with negativity. I've tried to come over (we live 45 mins away) and he makes excuses why I cant, or I'll ask him to come to me, but "thats alot of driving". The long distance thing makes it that much harder. I've read alot of "stick to your guns" and "actions speak louder than words" I'm not sure that that applies to this situation. God, I do love him very much. I feel like my resources are exhausted and I'm afraid of going down with the ship... Also, thank you both for replying.. you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

nowme

You did the right thing. You have done everything you could, it's his turn now.
Stay strong

choublak

Yeah you did the right thing.