I dated an alcoholic

Old 05-13-2013, 10:12 PM
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I dated an alcoholic


I'm new here to this community site. I have recently dated an alcoholic and ended our relationship. The relationship took a tole on me.. mentally.. emotionally... and physically, not to mention that I'm still trying to deal with the break up. My family and friends have been extremely supportive of me during this time. However, I felt that I needed to find others to communicate with that can relate with me in what I went through. It would help me grow and become stronger in knowing that it wasn't me but the addiction. Let me also add that sense the break up I have done my research and is familiar with the terms co-dependent and dependent in a addiction/alcoholism relationship. I can admit I was co-dependent on him which only allowed him to be more dependent on me... being co-dependent was basically feeding him fuel to engage more in his addiction.

Let me also add that RED FLAGS were their from the beginning with him despite his drinking. He had no car, no job, recently lost his apartment, and just went through a bad break up. Wow, I guess I set myself up, eh.

So here's my story...

I dated my ex for 10 months... BELIEVE ME... when I tell you it was 10 months to LONG!! If I would have known he was an alcoholic from the start I would have saved myself from the constant misery he would put me through on a daily basis. The truth is I knew the term "alcoholic" but never been around anyone who was an abuser. Therefore, knowing what the signs, symptoms, withdrawals or characteristic traits were was something I was completely clueless about. Now that I have lived it and look back at our relationship from the beginning til end, all the signs were their in front of my face. Our relationship had moved rather quickly and only after a month of knowing one another he moved in with mother and I.. BIG MISTAKE!! I fell for the sober guy, the one who was sweet, considerate, fun, and loving. But when he was drunk the monster in him appeared... SCARY!! His drinking in the beginning seemed causal and social but as time passed I realized that the drinking was on a daily basis, which lead me to have major resentment towards him. As more time passed I soon noticed he had a pattern in drinking. Everyday when I would pick him up from work our first stop would be the liquor store were he would purchase a 12 pack and sometimes little bottles of shots. He would begin his drinking rather quickly once home and would even skip meals. Their was never a 1 hour or 2 hour gap of him resting from his drinking... it was obsessive... and irritating on my part. By the time midnight came he would be done.... drunk... and feeling happy as ever. That's when he would then heat up the left overs from dinner and then when done complain about heartburn... HAHA. The drunk side of him confused me. I had no clue on were all this hate came from. I was given the guilt trip many time for whatever reason. He was verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. On two occasions he threw the tv remote at my hands and feet (knowing that I have RA) pretending that it wasn't meant to be directed towards them even though I knew it was. He would apologize but he never seemed sincere about it. He threaten to "beat the sh*t out of me" one time and would also say that sometimes he felt like I needed a good "slap in the face" to stop me from asking stupid questions. He made me believe that I was the crazy one, and after putting that in my head for so long, I soon believed it. When he drank I soon learned that I would be neglected and that everything would come on his terms.. when he wanted to eat, talk, watch tv, be affectionate and even intimate. Their have been many times he couldn't perform in bed because of being so drunk and would often fall asleep during us being intimate. In the mornings he would always be apologetic saying he was sorry for what he said or did and I believed him. Yet, his drinking pattern was everyday that his apologies no longer meant anything to me. When he was sober he was always going through withdrawals... hand tremors, headaches, stress, anxiety, irritable ans stomach problems. His sleeping pattern was never well rested due to insomnia and nightmares. TO MUCH TIME of me being in constant misery was taking place. He was sucking the life out of me mentally, emotionally and financially. I knew that I could no longer allow myself to be dragged down by him. So I did myself a favor (even though it was hard) and kicked him out. We tried to date 2 weeks later but were constantly fighting. Their is NO LONGER anymore communication between us on my terms.. I changed my number. The last time I saw him he was walking down the street carrying a bag full of recycles. He is not homeless (has a roommate)... but I know that he was probably broke and wanted the money for his alcohol because when I no longer would give him money for his alcohol (he drank his money away) the recycles is what he turn to.

I NO LONGER have anymore tears but still care for him and at the same time can't help but to feel total resentment towards him. Likewise, I can't help but to go through a bucket full of emotions in one day.. mad, sad, feeling used, abused, taken advantage of, neglected, confused, etc. I try to act tough sometimes and be strong which I know I am. I know each day is a healing process. I'm happy I found this community site so I can get support and feedback from others, and at the same time help other young women like me who is dating someone with an alcoholic addiction. Therefore, all comments are welcomed.

Thanks for listening!
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EverHopeful721 (06-01-2013)
Old 05-13-2013, 10:20 PM
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Hi Gisele

I'm sorry you had such a bad situation but I'm glad you moved on.
You might like to also read and post in our Family and Friends forums too

welcome to SR

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Gisele (05-14-2013)
Old 05-13-2013, 10:22 PM
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Welcome to SR, Gisele. You will find a lot of support here. We have a forum here for the friends and family of alcoholics. Here's a link...

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I NO LONGER have anymore tears but still care for him and at the same time can't help but to feel total resentment towards him. Likewise, I can't help but to go through a bucket full of emotions in one day.. mad, sad, feeling used, abused, taken advantage of, neglected, confused, etc.
Hon, allow yourself to feel these emotions. It is part of the normal process of healing. Your are mourning a relationship that has ended. Even though that relationship was toxic, you still had feelings for this man and will continue to feel sad that your dreams or plans aren't going to happen with him. It's okay. Allow yourself to go through the process. We'll be here to support you.
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