Advice needed on staying sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
DG- i know i shouldn't have gone to the wedding, it was madness of me thinking i could stay sober through it, guess at the time i just didn't want to let him down, but i know- no-one tied me up to the plane, no-one poured those drinks down my throat. I know this and its this i need to be honest about. The hard part was at the time that most of my family and workmates thought a holiday was just what i needed after the stress of redundancy. It was like one part of my brain was screaming DONT GO! and the other half GO, YOU DESERVE IT!, the alcoholic brain won out and i got what i deserved.
I am planning to throw myself into aa more, like you said i don't always want to go but i know its my addiction not wanting me to, i need to go, im seeing it as a form of taking medication in future- miss a couple of days and im in danger. They said this in a meeting the other day and it rang true : 7 days without a meeting makes one weak!-
I liked that.
I am planning to throw myself into aa more, like you said i don't always want to go but i know its my addiction not wanting me to, i need to go, im seeing it as a form of taking medication in future- miss a couple of days and im in danger. They said this in a meeting the other day and it rang true : 7 days without a meeting makes one weak!-
I liked that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I think there is a lot of ignorance about the disease and I think people have misconceptions about what an alcoholic is.
I remember going to an AA meeting and there was a man there, late 30's maybe? He had been homeless and unemployed and had been reduced to begging and looking for lost change near a train station when commuters were rushing to work.
I was gobsmacked as he looked so young, so well, so like he had got himself together. But it just goes to show that you don't turn into a homeless tramp overnight. It is progressive and we all start somewhere in terms of drinking and addiction.
It does also make me really mad though that every single event or occasion has to be celebrated with copious amounts of booze. A new baby, a milestone birthday, even a death.
If your not raising a toast then your taking part.
Your right people don't understand.
Its not like someone would say 'come to my wedding. Don't inject heroin, just smoke it'. Which I don't think is any different to saying 'don't drink spirits, just stick to lager at my wedding'.
I hope in time, or even tomorrow your friend apologises for the pressure he put on you.
Honestly, I have found that such activities are just not worth it.
If I have to, I go, bide my time, then leave when everyone else is drunk and go to bed. They really are more hassle than they are worth!
My best to you
x
I remember going to an AA meeting and there was a man there, late 30's maybe? He had been homeless and unemployed and had been reduced to begging and looking for lost change near a train station when commuters were rushing to work.
I was gobsmacked as he looked so young, so well, so like he had got himself together. But it just goes to show that you don't turn into a homeless tramp overnight. It is progressive and we all start somewhere in terms of drinking and addiction.
It does also make me really mad though that every single event or occasion has to be celebrated with copious amounts of booze. A new baby, a milestone birthday, even a death.
If your not raising a toast then your taking part.
Your right people don't understand.
Its not like someone would say 'come to my wedding. Don't inject heroin, just smoke it'. Which I don't think is any different to saying 'don't drink spirits, just stick to lager at my wedding'.
I hope in time, or even tomorrow your friend apologises for the pressure he put on you.
Honestly, I have found that such activities are just not worth it.
If I have to, I go, bide my time, then leave when everyone else is drunk and go to bed. They really are more hassle than they are worth!
My best to you
x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
And without wanting to sound rude (which means I probably am going to sound rude) weddings are hell on earth if your sober and single.
Nothing worse than having to get through a wedding and especially if it was abroad!!
And I expect you had to pay for the privilege of attending the wedding abroad too. Must have cost a fortune yet created so much misery.
xx
Nothing worse than having to get through a wedding and especially if it was abroad!!
And I expect you had to pay for the privilege of attending the wedding abroad too. Must have cost a fortune yet created so much misery.
xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Yeah cost me a small fortune most of which I had paid before finding out I was losing my job and yes it is harder attending when your single, but I made the mistake before getting on the plane, when offered a beer by his family, I should have said no thanks I don't drink anymore and stuck to it, but I cant change that now just got to avoid weddings from now on and holidays to Greek islands!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi 1step
what I don't know about AA and sponsors could fill a room...but I'm glad you're getting a lot of advice here
What I will say is don't wait until you have all these things settled - you can stop drinking now and stay that way. I had to stop thinking of drinking as my solution.
It was tough facing things sober, but everytime I did I got a little stronger and a little bit more capable.
there's a ton of support here at SR - use it as much as you like
you can do this
D
what I don't know about AA and sponsors could fill a room...but I'm glad you're getting a lot of advice here
What I will say is don't wait until you have all these things settled - you can stop drinking now and stay that way. I had to stop thinking of drinking as my solution.
It was tough facing things sober, but everytime I did I got a little stronger and a little bit more capable.
there's a ton of support here at SR - use it as much as you like
you can do this
D
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
I once had a month and a half sober and started drinking again because of a friends wedding. I drank another year and a half afterwards. You are not alone.
I went back to my old sponsor and things still did not mesh between us. He helped me the first couple months but a time arrived where I had to move on. By then I had my sober legs under me. Got another sponsor that did not work out either. I will be much more selective in the future!
That being said only you know yourself so I think you have to get super honest with yourself and do whatever is necessary to stay stopped. My sobriety became the most important thing I do in life. If that means meetings, steps, reading books, posting here, calling people, avoiding people or places, or anything else I will do it. My sobriety has to stay number one.
The great news is while it felt selfish to put myself first at times life has slowly changed for the much better. All the side benefits of being sober are so worth it. But I have to do this for me.
I went back to my old sponsor and things still did not mesh between us. He helped me the first couple months but a time arrived where I had to move on. By then I had my sober legs under me. Got another sponsor that did not work out either. I will be much more selective in the future!
That being said only you know yourself so I think you have to get super honest with yourself and do whatever is necessary to stay stopped. My sobriety became the most important thing I do in life. If that means meetings, steps, reading books, posting here, calling people, avoiding people or places, or anything else I will do it. My sobriety has to stay number one.
The great news is while it felt selfish to put myself first at times life has slowly changed for the much better. All the side benefits of being sober are so worth it. But I have to do this for me.
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