DG- i know i shouldn't have gone to the wedding, it was madness of me thinking i could stay sober through it, guess at the time i just didn't want to let him down, but i know- no-one tied me up to the plane, no-one poured those drinks down my throat. I know this and its this i need to be honest about. The hard part was at the time that most of my family and workmates thought a holiday was just what i needed after the stress of redundancy. It was like one part of my brain was screaming DONT GO! and the other half GO, YOU DESERVE IT!, the alcoholic brain won out and i got what i deserved.
I am planning to throw myself into aa more, like you said i don't always want to go but i know its my addiction not wanting me to, i need to go, im seeing it as a form of taking medication in future- miss a couple of days and im in danger. They said this in a meeting the other day and it rang true : 7 days without a meeting makes one weak!-
I liked that.