Itsmytime1234

Was on day six last night, went to my sister in laws to watch a movie, she was up my butt for two hours to have a glass of wine with her, finally caved, she poured me a huge glass. I took maybe three little sips and I couldn't drink anymore. I felt guilty, like, here u go again, do the same **** u always do. So I stopped. Eventually she drank the rest . As I wake up this morning, I can't help but feel like I failed miserably at just saying no completely, like I had to say yes to appease her. And even tho it was only a few sips.... I still feel like it counted as not staying abstinent, and my goal was just a week, one effing week couldn't even do that

Mattcake

Please don't beat yourself up, Itsmytime.

In recovery, there is no such thing as "failing". It's not a win-or-lose competition. Sometimes we make mistakes, but having the motivation to keep moving forward -as you are doing right now- is at the heart of recovery.

Having said that I can relate to how you feel... defeated, maybe. But that's just part of the mind games that fuel addiction, step out of that cycle. And, again, please don't judge yourself so harshly.

Maybe you could consider putting certain relationships and other triggers on pause while you work on recovery. You should get find supportive people, and SR is just the right place to do so Keep going!

AnotherPaul

At least you stopped and at least you were able to. If I had even a sip of vodka I'd have woken up on the floor this morning.

Just know that you DON'T have to appease her or anyone else and you don't owe them any explanations. Next time, say "no thanks" and if she/anyone asks why not, just say, "Taking a break" or "just don't feel like it" or "trying to lose some weight" and if they push it, consider that they may not be an ideal person for you to be hanging out with right this moment as you're trying to get that first week under your belt. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh, but tough decisions sometimes have to be made. There are "friends" I no longer hang out with, and that is the way it HAS to be, at least for now.

doggonecarl

Have you come clean to your SIL about your need to quit, and your desire to be sober?

If so, and she still pushed alcohol on you, stay away from her. She is not supportive of your recovery.

visch1

Congratulations on stopping where you did. I probably wouldn’t and might not be here 30+ years later. Back then it was highly advised to not frequent slippery places for a reason and it’s difficult to say not visiting family etc if drinking will be going on. For instance I heard a person speak who had a few years sober and was at a family gathering when he was offered a drink. Before he could so no thanks someone said NO HE CAN’T DRINK. He responded with I’ll show him and continued drinking for months before getting sober again. BE WELL.

bigsombrero

None of my friends or family would EVER push me to drink. I was very open about my alcoholism, treatment, and sobriety with all of them. It was very embarrassing. But in my case, it was worth it.

Today my brother-in-law doesn't even drink in my presence, even when we are at HIS house. It's a respect thing.

If you are still hanging out with friends and family who urge you to drink, you are placing yourself in a position to fail. I hate to be harsh, but it's true. In my experience I would have never made it without 'going public'. I wish you all the best but until you come clean to them, you are going to have a tough road.

Also, maybe change the way you set your goals. You were 'trying to go a week'? Do you think that's the best way to go about a sober life? It's very serious business, this quitting alcohol. You must take it seriously yourself in order to succeed IMO.

Thank you for sharing and all the best wishes.

Anna

It's good you stopped and hopefully you know you can't hang out with your sister-in-law for awhile. I think many of us have to choose to avoid certain people in early recovery.

gall1972

I didnt read all the posts, so something like this might have been said already...

When I would have days of only drinking one or two ... and I was able to do this for a few weeks, I would get to thinking that I had it beat and all of a sudden I'm a normal drinker.... this lead to me getting drunk... making a fool of myself ... scaring my family and going into a blackout.

So I know that I cant have even a sip.

Today I will stay sober knowing this...

Good luck!

Nonsensical

That didn't read like a loss to me. You had a big lead, your AV fought back hard, but you escaped with a narrow victory. You don't want to give up a big lead, so it's worth thinking about (especially your communications with your family), but not beating yourself up over. Put it in the W column and move on. Well done.

You are doing this!

Itsmytime1234

Thanks nonsensical , that made me feel a little bit better. And just wanted to say my SIL dosent know I'm trying not to drink, I just am trying to hold myself accountable sometimes when I feel like I can't do something I just want to do it 10 times harder, besides I don't even know what she would think. I only drink about once a week but when I do Half the time i get black out drunk so that's y I'm trying to quit altogether not because of a physical dependency but because it just dosent agree with me when I do. Have I gone here and there with having a few drinks and stopping? Sure have, ... But I have also embarrassed the **** out of myself and been the drunkest person in the room and I don't like that feeling it blows an that is why i want to quit

ginger4029

I think the important thing to focus on is you stopped at 3 sips. Good job

Mountainmanbob

flutter

it's such a personal thing. For me, it's so life or death I consider any purposeful drink of alcohol as well..drinking alcohol, which I don't do anymore. So happy you were able to stop when you did, we learn so much along the way

least

I'd tell your sister in law that you're not drinking anymore and see if she still shoves it in your face. Then you'll know if she's someone you have to avoid for a while. I couldn't be around drinkers for a while in early recovery, now it doesn't bother me at all. With time you'll get stronger. Just stay sober!

Deluxe

Sounds like a a win to me. A major victory. It's a journey and you jumped a hurdle. Power to you.

Hevyn

Hi ItsMyTime. If I'd had those sips I would have drained the glass, then the bottle - then been looking for more. I think you did amazingly well. You seem committed to doing this - be proud that no real damage was done.

doggonecarl

Physical dependency is only one element of addiction. You may not be physically dependent, but you struggle to stay quit. What does that tell you?

The mental dependency is the hard part, as you are finding out. Don't minimize your problem, or you might minimize the efffort needed to stay sober.

Good luck.

FreeFall

Focus on the 6 days you stayed sober instead of a few sips. I think you'll have to share your desire to quit with your sister in law if she put that much pressure on your to drink with her. Sounds like she may have some issues herself to have put that much effort into pressuring you.

You might want to look into finding a counselor to talk to as well, to deal with other issues you're anxious about. Drinking magnifies the anxiety, so stopping may make a huge difference for you.

pattyj

I had that same situation happen with me with my cousin a few months back. She was up my butt for hours trying to get me to drink. I finally did. Not very much that night but later on in the week and following weeks I was a mess and back to square one. This is a time where we are very fragile, as my doctor put it. We need to think about ourselves and only ourselves at this moment. I have had to stay away from my parent's house, my boyfriend's parents house. I can't babysit step daughter. I can't be around many things at the moment because I have been drunk around them before and memories come back. Just take care of yourself for now and all will fall into place.