Crownandcoke

I was wondering if anyone could give me advice about what I can do to help my recovery. I was attending four meetings a week but I found that constantly going wasn't helping me and I started to resent going to meetings and relapsed out of frustration. I miss having a life. All I do is work, come home, eat and reluctantly go to meetings that I don't get anything out of. I wouldn't say it's the meetings themselves, I've tried various ones. It's that I've grown tired of listening to stories, and more often than not, the same stories over and over again. I made sober friends, but aside from recovery, we have absolutely nothing in common and I need more interaction than just talking about recovery.

Hevyn

Welcome Crownandcoke! It's great to have you join us.

I don't have any specific advice about the meeting situation - but I'm sure others will make suggestions. I've mainly used SR as my 'meeting', but that alone isn't enough for everyone. Glad you are here - you're no longer alone.

least

You are under no obligation to attend more meetings than feels comfortable for you. It's your recovery to live as you choose. There are many ways to get sober. Find what's right for you and go for it.

trachemys

Meetings just aren't for me. When I got serious about not drinking, I found this place and AVRT. Haven't been perfect but I've been a lot better than I was.

IWillWin

Hi Crown - I am in the same boat kind of. I'm at 7 months and used AA much more in the beginning. My work and life don't allow me to attend meetings every night, or even more than the weekends really, but I squeezed them in when I could. I learned so much, met some wonderful sober people, and took what I needed and left the rest.

It is a complex social situation being a "regular" at meetings but I found it very comforting during the early months. Now, although I follow most of the AA program and attend when I can, I find myself not leaning so much on the fellowship. Honestly, I got kinda tired of talking about my recovery that much too. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way letting my guard down or becoming complacent, I just have other things now that I enjoy since becoming sober.

I guess my point is there are no rules in AA. Go as much or as little as you want. Establish and work a program that works for you and work it everyday even if that means you don't go to a meeting. Everyone is different - some attend everyday and need/want that in order to stay sober. Some don't. It is an individual journey that only you can define.

Now, I go to at least one meeting per week. I read materials on my own and also get my butt to a meeting if I am stressed or feeling weak. I read and post on SR everyday since it is on my time schedule and does not require me to physically go out when I cannot. It is working for me...and I'm the only one who has to understand it.

You will get to a point where your toolbox will be full and you will find balance with all things you need to do to stay sober. But don't forget, it has to be worked everyday in some way or else that beast sneaks up on ya.

Anyway, just my experience as of today. Take what you can use and leave the rest

Paddler

I didn't connect with the meetings, either. Not saying I won't give them another chance. I just didn't find anyone I really felt I could grab the coattails and follow their lead. I also felt like I was living in Groundhog Day. Same stories, lots of depression, lots of chats about things not really relating to me and my life as a drunk... more personal battles not really directly related from my struggles. I learned a lot, I just never felt it was helping my personal recovery goals.

I have a friend that's a full fledged aa member and attends 5+ meetings/week. He has been instrumental in my recovery. I still read the big book and use those stories as motivation.

I am honestly hoping I can get a grasp on my alcoholism through my own determination, studies, reflections, and of course... soberrecovery.com...

If it doesn't work for me I will give aa another try and work the 12 steps. I lost a lot of time with my young kids while drinking. If I can get a grip on my personal struggles and find answers, as well as a sober life specific to me and my personal walk and recovery, without devoting MORE time away from my family... I will consider my recovery a "success in progress."

Good luck!!!

Crownandcoke

Thanks a lot everyone. Your replies are exactly what I needed. I felt beholden to attending 4 meetings a week because I told my recovery house that was my after care plan and my partner and family expected the same from me. I can fully appreciate attending meeting when I feel I need them and/or could get something out of them. But not when I feel forced to. Sober life can be struggling and going to meetings and hearing people talk about the possessions they've acquired since being sober,(boast, cars, tattoos etc.) were not what I needed to hear. I know some people dislike people recounting their using experiences but I find that reminds me of why I should stay sober.

Dee74

Hi Crown

whatever we do it will take some work, I think - recovery doesn't just happen - I do think we need to make time for our recovery.

If meetings weren't for you (and I assume you didn't want a sponsor and do the steps) then ok.

If you ever feel you ned more support there are other options like SMART and lifeRing and Rational Recovery.

Maybe you should check those out?

Posting here regularly might help too - why not join the Class of April thread?

D

Crownandcoke

Thanks. I did do all the steps when I was in a recovery house. I never got a sponsor because being a shy, reserved person, I was never one to approach people about becoming a sponsor nor had I met anyone that would have been a good fit for me. Many of the sponsors available at the meetings I attended were very religious and I however am not.

2granddaughters

I think you heard what you wanted not what you needed.

Your recovery home OK'd the 4 meetings and your family expects you to attend .. I'd attend.

All the best.

Bob R

sugarbear1

Meetings don't keep me sober, but they do help me to find a sponsor so I can work those steps.

I return to meetings so maybe someone who needs a sponsor can find one in me.

Learning to live without a drink in my hand has been a process.

I attend various meetings around the area so I might be able to carry the message, but I don't make it a daily thing. Maybe change up your meetings? Have you worked those steps yet??? That is where freedom and relief are!