deeker

You said something interesting back there, You said lies will keep him sick. I am seeing something else in this whole picture.

I think maybe you have a few lies which are keeping you sick, like that you still
are in love with this guy. I think you are bothered that this girl is with him and you don't get to see him as much. I have the very exact same story my friend. It's like you wrote it for me. But if I am really honest and have any integrity at all I wouldn't keep being friends with someone and talk about him around my husband or invite him to events when I slept with and was in love with him in the past.
And yes I did all that too! All to meet my own selfish needs. Tough questions you have to answer!

doseoflove

Hi Deeker. Yes, I know exacty what you are saying and I had to get real with myself about that a while back. I would not say I am in love with him for that takes two. I do love who he used to be but not who he has become. I have a house key for the past 2 years cuz I was his best friend and he wanted someone to have one nearby in case of emergency and I have NEVER used it. He lives 10 min from my house and I have only been there 2 times since Sept.Both times in the past 3 months when she was there. He has begged me to come and hang out but I refuse cuz that is enabling.I am much older than him and he dreamed of children and I know he said he wanted to be with me but I truly felt if he got sober he would realize his dream of a girl his age with kids in his future and relize his addiction needed me but the real him didn't need an old lady. As for my husband, he knew everything as it went down. We are very honest and were friends for 10yrs bfore we married. He was best friends with friends father for 20 yrs and families have been friends for a long time.My husband loves him, went to him when I told him we got involved and sat and talked to him for hours. Made friend cry. And they worked on projects at our house together, hunted together. we all had a part in this and chose to forgive each other and H doesn't want to see him suffer so either. Yes friend and I felt immense passion together but it takes much more than that for a relationship. I think everybody is missing the point that at any time I could have moved in with him, and used sex and alcohol to keep him too. That's not what this started about nor ended up about.I just wanted him to be sober and happy but trying to remain his friend now is messing up my head with his games and I can not be a happy wife or mother when I am on this emotional rollercoaster. We had always talked about when he met a nice girl we wud all go out together but the reality is his drinking is doing just the opposite. If her and I were friends she would be calling me about what he is really doing and he wants us to think he is doing good but we know better. I will always love him but I am not going to love him to death. And I am not dumb enuff to think God intended for us to be together.It was a dumb mistake that I have paid dearly for.If she truly loved him she would have taken time to know him and would not be buying alcohol for him and drinking with him.. That is what has me hurt and angry, I wanted the best for him but I can not let my life revolve around his life or his choices. I just feel bad cuz I let him mislead her about our past and was not sure what to do about his job.I have had many opportunities to go there but why tempt either one of us?? I feel I have confessed and been forgiven and to do anything immoral now with him wud be to damn our souls to hell. Read the bible about women who tempt and seduce men, God deals harshly with them.I wud rather be in my less than perfect marriage and count my blessings and enjoy knowing I will see him forever in heaven than to go down that road again. If we were meant to be together, God wud make it happen the his way, not my way. There wud be no drama cuz I have blocked him and do not want anything to do with him unless he gets help.I have decided that for now I am going to do nothing. Let God do his thing and pray for the best.

deeker

Well you sound like you know what you need to do as far as him. If the time you spent with him was before she came in the picture then maybe it really is his decision to share that with her. I know you have a good heart and want to protect her but I had to throw those questions out there. I found I moved very slowly in recovery and frankly growing up until I answered the hard questions you know?

Always checking my motives, even checking um right now to see if I was a little hard on you because of me going thru the same stuff.

I truly was obsessed with a man and I brought him into my family and said he was a friend but it was more than that. Then when the affair stopped he had other women around him. Quite frankly I was obsessed to the point of driving around his house nightly. I was still very active in my drinking and drugging and even got arrested for stalking him. It was a sickness and it tokk a long time to break away form it.

I just saw a lot of my story in your writing. Not that you stalked him or anything but I can see that whether you are still in love with him or not you are really consumed by this.

Pray about it. You know God will give you the answers. My apologies if I came off a little harsh. You obviously have a good heart and want to protect others from him, but sometimes we just really do have to let it go, see what it is doing to you?

Not good for your own well being. God Bless you! Don't get discouraged by today and being in this forum. Sometimes it just takes a while for all of your post to resonate. Everyone here means well, I hope you keep coming back. You will love Christian Forum and there isn't a lot of activity in there so we could use the support.

You will get good feedback from the friends forum as well. I still go in their to see posts to recognize my past so I don't repeat.

Sleep Well! You have friends here.

doseoflove

Thank you soo much for your kind words and understanding. I didn't post for 2 years for it is soo hard to talk about things where we have to admit our most greivious sins but I really wanted feedback on these last issues. I am not a trouble maker for I believe God sees all and it would just come back to bite me. I checked out the Christians in recovery and it looks really good for me. I was ashamed to even go there for I knew for the longest time I did have some selfishness in my heart about him. It is hard to know when God wants us to act or when he wants us to sit. I have been reading an awful lot about forming a deep relationship with Christ and learning to listen for Gods instructions and realize I still have such a long way to go. Satan is soo crafty and sneaky and I must be constantly on my guard so I always ask myself what would Jesus do. I hope u know how much your kindness meant to me today. You truly do understand the issues I have faced and I never imagined there was someone on here with a very similar story. I have learned so well there is a lot to be learned when we realize we are not alone in our issues.Maybe some day we could talk and share our struggles and hope. I wish u well on your journey and from the bottom of my battered heart, I thank you soo much.

deeker

Remember if we were perfect we wouldn't need God. And we wouldn't appreciate the good times in our lives without the struggles. Sometimes we are like that little sheep lost from the heard. The one the shepherd leaves the other 99 for to find the one. That's how important each one of us is to God. And you know what? God will use your heartache and pain and turn it around to help others. God Bless you Sweetie! Happy Friday!

Now I better get back to Christian Forum before I scare the people here. lol, Just kidding!