Newcomer Introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
Newcomer Introduction
Hi Everyone,
I've been lurking here for about a week now, giving thanks to your posts which I find so helpful. I am on Day 3 of my 716th attempt (or so it feels) to stop drinking. I have been a daily drinker (give or take) for around seven years now. I am a SAHM and have two kids who are not so little anymore (8 and 9) and I think the stress of raising two needy kids really tipped me over the edge. Drinking seemed so glamorous watching Sex in the City, and I quickly realized that kicking back with some Cosmopolitans once my DH got home really helped unwind me.
I realized about 4 or 5 years ago, that nightly drinking probably wasn't such a good idea. Yeah, maybe a lot of people had "night caps," but two shakers of Cosmos a night (about 6 shots) was probably too much for a rational human being to drink. I cut back a bit, and cut the sugar out of my drinks (I was in therapy at the time, and my counselor didn't think I had an alcohol problem (thought I may have lied about my intake), but was concerned about the syrupy goodness of my drinks triggering some sort of hypoglycemia that was fueling my anxiety or something...Anyway...I think it's a similar story to everyone else's. I'd quit for 3 days, 5 days, whatever, and think "See, that wasn't so hard, I don't have a problem! I can just cut back."
I've tried cutting back, but there is no worse feeling than having 1-2 drinks. What is the point of that exactly? I have to stop just before I start to relax? I don't see the point really to moderation, at all. I think I would find that a horribly annoying mind game and it would be all to easily to rationalize drink number 3. I have been successful at staying at 3-4 a night now, but seriously, who am I kidding when I say that is a reasonable number?
I have been happy though, at least, that since December, I've had a lot more runs of a night or two off without really trying to stop, just realizing that the anxiety release that alcohol used to provide just both isn't always needed nightly, and isn't always being provided any more. The only thing I can really count on is that I will have a crappy night's sleep and be exhausted in the morning and feel bad about myself that I chose to drink the night before.
I have thought about introducing myself a couple of times over the week, but I am a perfectionist as much as I struggle against it. I would feel like a poser if I came on here and introduced myself only to drink again in a few days. I rationally know we're all imperfect, and that it's foolish to think that I must be 100% successful in order to even start! I am trying to get a handle on those voices in my head that lead me away from things that I know to be true, but I've gotten so used to listening to them.
So I am stepping away from perfectionism, stepping away from alcohol, hopefully stepping toward something more rational and fulfilling.
I went to an AA meeting about 6 months ago, it was an open discussion meeting. It was incredibly small, maybe 6 of us, everyone had been sober forever and I remember feeling so lost and out of place being on Day 1, AGAIN, and tried to share but was more of a sobbing pile of mess. I may try again next week. I know this is my perfectionism talking, I should go now, but for today, I'm posting my introduction here, and taking a first step.
Thanks all for reading! I find your posts so helpful and supportive. I look forward to being part of your community. :-)
I've been lurking here for about a week now, giving thanks to your posts which I find so helpful. I am on Day 3 of my 716th attempt (or so it feels) to stop drinking. I have been a daily drinker (give or take) for around seven years now. I am a SAHM and have two kids who are not so little anymore (8 and 9) and I think the stress of raising two needy kids really tipped me over the edge. Drinking seemed so glamorous watching Sex in the City, and I quickly realized that kicking back with some Cosmopolitans once my DH got home really helped unwind me.
I realized about 4 or 5 years ago, that nightly drinking probably wasn't such a good idea. Yeah, maybe a lot of people had "night caps," but two shakers of Cosmos a night (about 6 shots) was probably too much for a rational human being to drink. I cut back a bit, and cut the sugar out of my drinks (I was in therapy at the time, and my counselor didn't think I had an alcohol problem (thought I may have lied about my intake), but was concerned about the syrupy goodness of my drinks triggering some sort of hypoglycemia that was fueling my anxiety or something...Anyway...I think it's a similar story to everyone else's. I'd quit for 3 days, 5 days, whatever, and think "See, that wasn't so hard, I don't have a problem! I can just cut back."
I've tried cutting back, but there is no worse feeling than having 1-2 drinks. What is the point of that exactly? I have to stop just before I start to relax? I don't see the point really to moderation, at all. I think I would find that a horribly annoying mind game and it would be all to easily to rationalize drink number 3. I have been successful at staying at 3-4 a night now, but seriously, who am I kidding when I say that is a reasonable number?
I have been happy though, at least, that since December, I've had a lot more runs of a night or two off without really trying to stop, just realizing that the anxiety release that alcohol used to provide just both isn't always needed nightly, and isn't always being provided any more. The only thing I can really count on is that I will have a crappy night's sleep and be exhausted in the morning and feel bad about myself that I chose to drink the night before.
I have thought about introducing myself a couple of times over the week, but I am a perfectionist as much as I struggle against it. I would feel like a poser if I came on here and introduced myself only to drink again in a few days. I rationally know we're all imperfect, and that it's foolish to think that I must be 100% successful in order to even start! I am trying to get a handle on those voices in my head that lead me away from things that I know to be true, but I've gotten so used to listening to them.
So I am stepping away from perfectionism, stepping away from alcohol, hopefully stepping toward something more rational and fulfilling.
I went to an AA meeting about 6 months ago, it was an open discussion meeting. It was incredibly small, maybe 6 of us, everyone had been sober forever and I remember feeling so lost and out of place being on Day 1, AGAIN, and tried to share but was more of a sobbing pile of mess. I may try again next week. I know this is my perfectionism talking, I should go now, but for today, I'm posting my introduction here, and taking a first step.
Thanks all for reading! I find your posts so helpful and supportive. I look forward to being part of your community. :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by MustLoveCoffee 
I went to an AA meeting about 6 months ago, it was an open discussion meeting. It was incredibly small, maybe 6 of us, everyone had been sober forever and I remember feeling so lost and out of place being on Day 1, AGAIN, and tried to share but was more of a sobbing pile of mess. I may try again next week.
I love AA coffee .....
All the best.
Bob R
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome to the family, MustLove Coffee. 
We're so happy you joined us.
I hadn't stopped drinking completely when I first came here. It took me awhile to find the courage and determination - but I decided I wanted what the people here had - life after alcohol. I can't believe I was so afraid to let go of it. In the end, it wasn't ever fun - and I had turned myself into a huge bore. I was numb, foggy, and joyless.
I agree with you that cutting back isn't an option. I tried it for decades - and never once did it work. Every time I picked up the outcome was unpredictable, even dangerous. It had to end, and SR helped me every step of the way.
Glad you introduced yourself and took that step.
We're so happy you joined us.I hadn't stopped drinking completely when I first came here. It took me awhile to find the courage and determination - but I decided I wanted what the people here had - life after alcohol. I can't believe I was so afraid to let go of it. In the end, it wasn't ever fun - and I had turned myself into a huge bore. I was numb, foggy, and joyless.
I agree with you that cutting back isn't an option. I tried it for decades - and never once did it work. Every time I picked up the outcome was unpredictable, even dangerous. It had to end, and SR helped me every step of the way.
Glad you introduced yourself and took that step.
to a very supportive site. I'm glad you joined us.
You CAN quit drinking, it takes some effort but it's so worth it.Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Welcome to SR
The problem with perfectionism is it leaves us with nowhere to go
I think it can also paralyse us, hold us back, and stop us from what we need to do - I know it did me.
SR's been great for me - I'm accepted warts and all - I know you will be too
D
The problem with perfectionism is it leaves us with nowhere to go
I think it can also paralyse us, hold us back, and stop us from what we need to do - I know it did me.
SR's been great for me - I'm accepted warts and all - I know you will be too
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 441
I hear you on not even enjoying 1-2 drinks. Moderation was either a tease or a joke (I'd continue on despite my intentions). My brain chemistry completely changes after the first drink and I block out my rational self. I must always keep that in mind.
I also went to a therapist a few years ago and straight out told her that I believe I have a problem with alcohol because I binge drink on the weekends and she totally brushed it off and said it was okay, I guess because I was taking care of other areas of my life. A therapist is only a person with a degree, and only you know yourself. If I had gone to a better therapist I may have sought help out a long time ago. I actually think she was trying to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear...what I really wanted was a push in the right direction. I never went back to her and continued on a very dangerous path for quite a while after that. I still haven't gone to see a new one but I might if I can find one that seems good and takes my insurance.
I also went to a therapist a few years ago and straight out told her that I believe I have a problem with alcohol because I binge drink on the weekends and she totally brushed it off and said it was okay, I guess because I was taking care of other areas of my life. A therapist is only a person with a degree, and only you know yourself. If I had gone to a better therapist I may have sought help out a long time ago. I actually think she was trying to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear...what I really wanted was a push in the right direction. I never went back to her and continued on a very dangerous path for quite a while after that. I still haven't gone to see a new one but I might if I can find one that seems good and takes my insurance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by janiebluebird
I also went to a therapist a few years ago and straight out told her that I believe I have a problem with alcohol because I binge drink on the weekends and she totally brushed it off and said it was okay, I guess because I was taking care of other areas of my life. A therapist is only a person with a degree, and only you know yourself. If I had gone to a better therapist I may have sought help out a long time ago. I actually think she was trying to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear...what I really wanted was a push in the right direction.
Thanks everyone for the welcomes and words of encouragement!
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