PinotNOmore

Woke up this morning super excited for the day. I've been on top of things lately. The house was clean and there were Easter baskets I'd made for my guys on the coffee table. I was 12 days without a drink and sure as day I wasn't drinking today. We'd invited friends for lunch and sure enough someone brought mimosa stuff. I turned down the first offer, gave in on the second. Three drinks later, I'm tired, don't want to clean, and just want to go to bed. Husband called my bluff when I asked for a nap and now we're both upset. Some Easter. Wish I'd just said NO!! In tears just writing this. I am so disappointed in myself. Guess I begin again tomorrow. Ugg.

Paddler

I think you had some success by waking up on a Sunday morning with the house ready for guests, your kids' baskets put together and ready, and all your sober time and preparedness for the stressful day ahead. You kept it together and did a great job doing it...

I would have really been tempted to drink the night before while preparing and cleaning... and I wouldn't have been able to set up for my kids' Easter. Just like when my wife had to play Santa alone Christmas Eve... because I was passed out from the partying w/ family. That's when I logged into SR for the first time. Dec. 27.

You were triggered by what always triggers me. Feeling successful, relaxed, and tempted by friends enjoying alcohol normally.

I don't have enough sober time and success to offer any outstanding advice. But I do know I completely understand how you feel. Right down to the cleaning and reward of the one, which leads to two, then three... mimosas the next day. Don't beat yourself up... brush yourself off... and rock day one again tomorrow. Take care of yourself tonight, hydrate, and focus on what led to your regret and start anew.

Happy Easter.

Dee74

I'm sorry Pinot...no sense in beating yourself up tho.

the good thing is you might find it easier now to say no next time?
It's never worth it.

D

Hevyn

Hi Pinot. I've been there. Holidays when we're first getting used to a sober life are very challenging.

My first sober Christmas I spent very resentful that I couldn't have 'fun' like everyone else. I had to remind myself that it was never fun in the end - just misery and despair. You are finding that out today - and now you're ready to continue on your journey. I promise it gets easier as you go along. Drinking hardly crosses my mind now - but that first year there were hurdles to get over. You can do it! Glad you came here to talk it out.

least

Forgive yourself first of all, learn from it, and continue to move forward again. Make this your last day one.

Mizzuno

Sometimes this is how it happens. You have tomorrow to start over again. Stay close

PinotNOmore

Thanks everyone. I think it's even harder because I'd pictured this whole perfect Easter Without alcohol , and a few drinks ruined it. And nothing bad even happened!! Its like I am being Punished in the anticipation that I may mess things up later. I guess I deserve it. Such an amazing day, I'm just bitter my husband's so angry. This didn't have to be this way.

cnedad

I am completely alone this holiday. What used to be the happiest times are now the most saddening. What's worse is that it seems like everyone else enjoys a perfect life on a perfect Holiday, but I'm not that naive. It's tough for everyone.

LadyinBC

I have found that when things were going good I deliberately sabotage myself. "my daughter won't stay mad forever". Why are you bitter that your husband is angry?

trachemys

Sorry, I was then sane one today and even that didn't go well.

IWillWin

^^^what everyone said^^^

...and, here's the thing. Your husband has lived with your addiction and doesn't trust you. He's feeling betrayed and hopeless that you will ever truly stop for good. You may know that you will, but he doesn't. You have given him no reason to.

I'm learning in recovery that I just have to walk the walk, do the best I can, and let my actions speak for themselves. Even the bad ones. I can explain it, I can't apologize it all away, and I can't take back what I've done any more than I can predict what wonderful things I will do in the future.

Just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. Sober. And the longer you do that the closer you are to repairing the collateral damage. Who knows if it is going to work out and be the best marriage in history or fall apart. You can't worry about that now. Worry about today. Don't drink. And keep not drinking. The rest will play out as it is meant to - all you can do is stay sober and live the best you can.

I wish you well - relationships are difficult enough let alone those we seem to damage along the road of hell we've all walked that brought us here. Keep the faith and hang in there.

Gilmer

Certain drinks have a lot of hype attached. Mimosas are such a "fun and cheerful" Sunday brunch drink. Fun, fun, fun, right? I'm sorry you stumbled this time. Sorry your husband's mad.

trachemys

IWIllWin. That was great.

PinotNOmore

Humm... I'm bitter because he calls my bluffs. I'm bitter because him and five guys came over Friday night to celebrate a special occasion and took WAY to many shots, (which I did not by the way). I'm bitter because he woke up the next day hungover and drank water, not beer to feel better. I guess I'm bitter because he can drink. a lot. and I cant. He drinks a beer, once every three days, but he can go out and get plastered with the "guys". He drinks ONE beer on a Tuesday and goes to bed! His body knows moderation. It's not fair. So I'm bitter.

PinotNOmore

<3 you IWillWin. This is hell in a handbag, just written in words. Thanks!

trachemys

Pinot...Mozart's brain was wired for music...Einstein's brain was wired for math, My brain was wired for addiction to alcohol. What was yours wired for?

LadyinBC

Have you spoken to him about maybe not drinking for awhile? Honestly I wouldn't want to sit around people who were drinking especially in my own home. Yes, I know it is our problem, but it is important that we get support when we are starting out. It's hard to quit, I know.

Mizzuno

Its alright to be bitter, just not for all that long. Your husband is a "Normal" ( from what you are saying). I hope that you are able to see the difference between him and you. I hope that you are not bitter towards him, just like you are not angry at yourself for this disease. You always have tomorrow. ...I hope this made sense. I am trying here. It looks like you, Trachemeys and I had a tough go of it today.

IWillWin

Ahhhh, the conundrum of living with a "normal" drinker. Even now, with the urge to drink 95% lifted, I'm not sure I could live in that environment day in and day out.

It is true it is our problem but a marriage is a team effort and even a little bit of support would be nice. Let it be said though that of my husband was a drinker (he's not) he sure as hell wouldn't make accommodation for me and stop what he wanted to do. Probably more because he is a spoiled brat than anything else

I feel for you and I totally get it. Perhaps as you build up sober time and try to communicate with him more effectively instead of through our famous alcoholic veil of shame he will do his normal drinking elsewhere for a bit until you are on your feet more firmly.

noanxtime

Pinot, my husband stopped when I did and really had no reason to other than to support me. Like your husband, he has an 'off button', I don't. Honestly, it would drive me NUTS if he sat there and drank whatever and whenever while I was struggling to fix myself. I have told him I don't have a problem with him drinking - if he wants to, but he knows it would be hard for me and "no fun" for him to drink alone.
When I was really bad, I tended to hide my supply and even now, I think it crosses his mind that I might have something stashed somewhere even though I don't.
Did your friends know you are trying not to drink? They might have done a better job helping you not drink rather than offering refills.
Tomorrow is a new day - I spent my afternoon pulling weeds until thunder and lightning sent me and the dogs inside.