Leolife

Hey readyatlast, how do you find people treating to you now at those parties where you're no longer being the (drunken) 'life of the party' ?

ReadyAtLast

It was mainly family parties.I worried(still do to some extent) about being boring or too quiet.I;ve mentioned it a couple of times and no one has said I'm boring. Seriously, everyone has said how much nicer it is that I@m not 'being stupid,talking nonsense,making a fool of myself or trying to constantly top everyone's drink up against their wishes' Seriously,I thought I was a good hostess/guest but in reality I was just a nuisance

Leolife

That's tough. I have the same thing, I always try to up the stakes at the party. That's probably one of e biggest obstacles for me - especially when the more drunk the partygoers get, the more important it seems to be to keep up, and is all but impossible when you're the only sober one. I've tried acting drunk, but that didn't really flow

Mizzuno

Hello. What if you tried out a few things before you decide to go out and drink?
1) Local AA
2) Meet up with some friends and get yourself out of the house and off the television
3) Join a class of interest....Painting, welding, pottery, drawing. Something to get those creative juices flowing
4) Call up a family member or close friend when you are struggling
5) Go to your Dr and talk with them about what you are going through
6) Seek out a professional counselor and talk of your struggles
7) Of course, post on SR
8) Volunteer at a shelter working with animals or the homeless
What if you tried one or all of these things before drinking? This is where you get to live a life free from addictive addiction. This is a blessing. Many people do not make it into recovery. Their lives are robbed from Alcoholism. I know of your struggle. I have been there many times before. It took what it took for me to resign as a active alcoholic. The outcome was horrible. We are here for you and I wish you the best. Please keep close.

Delilah1

Thanks Leolife! I am disappointed that I am starting again, but it is better than the alternative of continuing to drink!

hypochondriac

So, find out how to change, find something that will work for you. Mizzuno has started a good list there, maybe you could add to that and start working through it. If nothing else it will be a distraction while you give yourself the time to heal. Maybe read some recovery books (there's a list in the stickies) and find out what other people have done before you.

To be honest I think you're doing pretty damn good by losing all that weight and getting to work and the gym. You don't have to be achieving a ton of stuff right away. Figure out what you want to do and make small steps towards it. I always used to say to myself that if I wasn't happy sober then I was doing it wrong so I had to figure out what and fix it, but remember too that there is nothing wrong with feeling bad, just don't let it take over your whole world view.

ReadyAtLast

you may be surprised.I was. Surprised that other people drink normally. Also surprised that I quite like not being the drunken fool. I wouldn't say I enjoy gatherings as such as quite nervous and not naturally social and self confident. It's not great but it wasn't great before-that was an illusion. I think as time goes on and from what I've read on here, people move awayfrom drunken friendsand gatherings as they find new interests

Leolife

That sounds right. I went out on To stand up comedy on Saturday night, something which in it self should be fun, but he was on stage drinking, my friends were all drinking, and I was munching maltesers! I had a good time, but not nearly as good as I used to have, I look forward to more sober related activities in my life again..

It's odd when e whole culture is centred on drinking. Any more ideas on fun sober activities?

LadyinBC

I am at 8 months sober now and things are a lot different now than they were when I was at 2 months. I agree with the others, not enough time.

You can't unchange years of negative behaviour in 2 months. It takes time and patience and a little determination to keep going. At 2 months I was in daytox relearning and learning new things.

I do now have a small feeling of peace and contentment that I didn't have when I first started out. But it takes time to start feeling comfortable in our skin again. I still have a long way to go, but I am determined to keep going, cause for me going back to what I was, is out of the question. I don't want to be that person anymore, I just want to have a calm, happy, peaceful, simple life. I don't think that is too much to ask for, but I am the one that has to give it to me. Booze isn't going to do it.

oak

I'm really shy so I can understand wanting something that makes social interactions easier. For me- alcohol initially helped me be social, but then I tended to isolate with it. And I can totally relate to not wanting people near and also feeling lonely.

I do think sobriety will get easier if you stay sober. And sobriety gives you the chance to work through the social anxiety. It can get better.

For me, when the urge to drink comes up, I need to figure out what I love more than alcohol and do what I love. For me, that is usually something active- like biking or martial arts. Watching TV or surfing the web are triggers for me. Anything that feels like I am just passing time is a trigger.

I hope it gets easier for you very soon. I'm glad you are posting here.

RyanP

I go to a lot of meetings, I'm 3 months in I have been a little down on the programs somtimes to, I have had some good things happen, I read the big book that helped a ton. I think a lot about the people and family that I've hurt. I'm not good with relationships either, my wife and my boy just moved out, a lot of my time and a lot of my trust has been given back to me since I started the program, something I lost, I felt sorry for myself for a long time. The program educated me about my disease, its not like others, like a dying cancer patient, every body feels sorry for him, that's just like me but in my case I have to feel sorry for everybody else, nobody is gonna feel sorry for me after the things I've done except myself with the aid of alcohol. No more I want out!!

HereIAm321

Progress NOT perfection.

Go to more AA meetings, no matter how much you think you dislike it. The more meetings you go to, the more it will start to rub off and start to make SENSE.

And get a sponsor!!!!

deeker

That was false confidence Freddy. It's an illusion. You will talk with confidence when your confidence returns. When you are sober for awhile and you no longer feel shame. If anything drinking again is going to rob you of even more self confidence. The more days you get under your belt the better you will feel about yourself. Takes a while . So don't quit before the miracle.

deeker

That's really not true though Leo, When you continue to put yourself in those situations of course it seems like that is the culture. Get to AA meetings and get involved. Volunteer for the activities commitee. Help plan the monthly events. There is always something going on at least once a month in AA and NA.
You couldn't pay me to put myself in those drinking situations you speak of. Why? It sounds miserable trying to have fun and stay sober with all that temptation.

Last year in AA/NA

We had a kickball game in June, A beach volleyball in July, Kareoke in August, Movie night in Sept. , Halloween party in Oct. Thanksgiving dinner in Nov. Dance in Dec. We did it all sober, and had a blast.

These are ways to slowly get involved in the company of other recovering alkies. By going to meetings regularly and to monthly events you get to know sober people. Before you know it you are doing fun stuff weekly like bowling, shooting pool, movies, coffee, pizza.

You have to start somewhere. Every journey starts with the first step.
You can't expect to get sober and all the sudden life is all better. You have to relearn how to have fun sober. And believe me we have fun sober.

This last summer I had more fun sober than I ever did drinking and I remember it all and I have no remorse whatsoever.

Leolife

Hi deeker yes not the entire culture haha. But being in Australia, it is quite the centre.. I am looking for more alcohol free people to befriend, being in the film industry though, most people are hard drinkers. My Sports clubs all get together and drink regularly. AA isn't quite for me. Any ideas where more can be found? I suppose triathlon types would certainly stay away from the drop. Maybe I will train for one of those?

Dee74

I'm an Aussie too Leo - tho I'm guessing I'm older than you.

There are people who don't drink (or don't drink like we did) out there, lots of them - you'll meet them at places like AA but also just in everyday life or engaging in your hobbies and interests

I've found the the more recovery you garner the less other peoples drinking will bother you too.

I can't drink...I also can't take a mark, catch a wave, or drive for the Holden Precision Racing Team...

it is what it is

stick with it,
D

Leolife

Thanks Dee, the further away from the drink I'm getting the clearer that is becoming it's exciting to truly want to do other things! I must say I'm enjoying work a lot more too and finding more satisfaction and fulfilment in it. Spotting the activities of merit instead of liquor tainted faux enhancement is drastically easier all of a sudden! Looking forward to seeing what more days will bring.