FreddyBear

I feel there's nothing I can do about it. I've had sober periods for 1-1.5 months, now it almost 2 months. And you know what? It isn't great, not at all. Which is why I'm thinking about going back to the last known "feel good" point.

I'm simply unable to reach the level of confidence, optimism, talkativeness feeling that I get when I drink. I wish it was possible to reach that state of mind sober, but it isn't. I'm painfully shy and in the same time seem to push people away and can't maintain close relationships. I'm 31 and want to be content, not always feel out-of-place, have a partner and friends. It creates this damn lonely feeleing. I think I'm a schizoid.

I've been to over 10 AA meetings and I just don't buy it when people say their life is so much better after they stopped drinking. I'd love to hear from the folks who're in the same boat.

TorontoGuy28

Sorry to hear you are struggling FreddyBear.

Are you working a recovery program ?

Just going to meetings is not enough, that has been my experience.

Sounds like you are looking for a reason to start drinking again.... I've been there, many times... My alcoholic mind kept telling me this...

Threshold

I WAS in the same boat. But I gave it time.

60 days wasn't long enough for me to feel the freedom of sobriety. I was still clueless. Everything felt wrong. I was so PO'd that this supposed sobriety thing wasn't the gold plated heaven others claimed it to be.

I relapsed, and that was pretty much like I remembered it, and then some. Not fun, and going nowhere.

For me, it took a little time for sobriety to reach a "theraputic level" and for me to start feeling better about life in general.

I didn't get a "pink cloud", and yeah, I felt cheated. But in time I got a life again.

It's cliche', I know, but it turned out to be true in my case..."how much time did you spend getting wasted?...and you can't give 6 months to getting sober?"

If what we want is to get high, then by any and all means, we find a way to get high.

If what we want is to live sober, then by any and all means we find a way to live sober.

One of the challenges of early recovery is to stay open minded about what sober is, it's not a life long sentence, it's freedom, but early on it can feel all kinds of wrong.

Don't give up on yourself and your dreams.

Dee74

60 days wasn't long enough for me either.

There were two factors for me - one I'd been drinking for a lot longer than 60 days, and two I was pretty messed up.

In a perverse way I was lucky my drinking nearly killed me because I knew I couldn't go back - I had to keep moving forward and hope that people were right when they said things got better.

They were, and it did...but it took at least 90 days for me before I even dared to believe that might be true.

Don't fall for the lies Freddie - if drinking was really your 'last feel good point' you would never have sought out SR and written that 'I just can't handle my life anymore'...remember?

Maybe, like me, the answer could lie in the fact that drinking was only part of the malaise. It was really my maladaptive solution....I was sad and unhappy ever before I took my first drink.

True happiness for me started when I had the courage to look at why that was, and the sense to reach out for help in doing that.

maybe you need to think about that too, Freddie?

D

hypochondriac

Maybe you are expecting too much out of being sober Freddy? I can relate to a lot of your post and I have similar problems with pushing people away. I have discovered though that I am no less or more shy drinking or not though, drinking just makes me not care about other people so in a way it was easier being drunk. I am finding now though that I am content feeling out of place if that makes sense. I have spent my whole life trying to be someone I am not and trying to live up to what I thought other people's expectations are but now I am sober I am starting to figure out what I want. It takes time though. I have to ask too... was being able to fit in and make friends the only reason you quit drinking? I quit because it was seriously damaging my physical and mental health, the rest of it is just a side issue really, though I do think if I realised how much I was avoiding by staying drunk I would have made an effort to quit sooner. To be honest life has not been a bed of roses sober, but I've been riding along on the fact I was able to quit. That gave me so much more self respect and confidence to try doing other things too. All alcohol was doing was holding me down. I am sorry that quitting hasn't been a miracle cure-all for you. It is for some people, it wasn't for me. I have to put a lot of effort into just being okay and yeah, the thought of having a drink to forget how sh;t my life is does pop up every now and then. But then I think how ridiculous it is that I should feel like I have to drink to be okay. No one should have to drink. In time you will learn better tools to cope with life but don't fall into the trap of thinking that you are the only one who feels this way and has to make a huge effort to stay sober. I think when people say life is so much better sober they are looking on the bright side, which isn't a bad habit to get into. What benefits have you seen from being sober? x

Nonsensical

Addiction, reward and the hedonic set-point

In other words, being addicted to alcohol makes it more difficult to feel happy unless your brain is being overstimulated by alcohol. The more you drink the more pronounced this effect tends to be.

After a period of abstinence (typically 3-6months) your 'happy point' will start to return to pre-addiction levels.

All brains are different, so some will take longer, some will not take as long. You might have a stubborn brain with respect to restoring your 'happy point' (hedonic set point).

Good Luck with Whatever You Decide!

shirts101

Hang in there, early recovery is very difficult. Your alcoholic mind is telling you that it's ok to drink again and this time it will be different. But it won't, it's all a Big Lie.

It's easy to buy a bottle of cheap vodka and sit in your room dreaming about how your going to change the world. You take a few chugs from the bottle and all of a sudden you become better looking, you become smarter, more likable to the opposite sex. Brilliant ideas come to you, your thinking you may become the next Bill Gates with this idea. The truth is all of these things are lies. This is your alcoholic view point which is a false reality.

The truth is nothing really good ever happens when we are drunk. We never follow through with or ideas, beautiful women don't date drunks. Your boss is not going to give you a raise when you have booze on your breath. That's if your able to keep a job. Have you ever hung around a group of drunks, when you were sober ? They act like total idiots and it's annoying to be around them. This is what people are thinking about you when your drinking.

Ask a dozen people who know you well if they like you better drunk or sober. Then ask them for their honest opinion about wether you should start drinking again. I can guarantee that all of them want you sober because your a great person then. Prove me wrong and try it.

Your confidence will come as you begin to achieve goals. People will notice how you have changed since getting sober. When your sober you are an asset. People can count on you and respect your ideas and opinions. Start drinking and it's only you that thinks your cool or valuable. Give it some more time. It's worth it.

DaveyT

Firstly I would suggest you try some private counselling as there may be issues you need to work through. Second you may need medication if you're dealing with depression or social anxiety problems, but only a doctor can decide that so again please try the counselling as it's way better than drinking alcohol.

After that I would suggest you do some readong about alcohol. During recovery it is very common to suffer either with anxiety, depression or a condition called anhedonia. This last one is realy something you should look into. As addicts we've been downing alcohol for years and our brains have come to rely on it. The neurons are used to it, it stimulates them and gives a false sense of pleasure. When you remove that substance the brain can go into a quiet period while it adjusts and resets. So right now you may not feel pleasure from experiences that others would, but if you maintain abstinence your brain will reset itself to a normal level and you will feel better.

This may take 6 months, it may take 12 but the point is that if you drink again then you'll just have to start over later and it will be much harder. You can try and drink again but in the end one of two things will happen. Either you life will be destroyed by alcohol because you can't maintain a job and relationships and then you'll want to get sober after this damage is done, or your health will be affected so badly that you will die.


Sorry to be harsh with it.

Tamerua

If drinking was your last feel good point why quit? If you were like me, you were probably witty and charming and Social with a little alcohol. But man, the days after... Waking up with that anxiety or embarrassment or fear... And then sometimes it was just physical stuff.

I agree with everyone above, 45 day isn't enough. Also, what are you doing to stay stopped? I did a 30 challenge in August and like you, I didn't feel better emotionally... I went back to drinking until December. In December, I got a plan and I feel better now.

leastofthese

You have done quite well to get where you are.

I am only at day 10. My memories of drinking are still fresh so going back scares me. I remember the constant lying, feeling sick and tired all the time, missing important events in my life, compromising my values, using people, hiding, wasted money, self-hatred, and the list goes on. I hope I never forget what alcohol has done to me.

least

I agree about giving yourself more time to get adjusted to living sober. I also agree that counseling may help you get back on track. There are likely other issues in your life besides just drinking. Get help with those issues and maybe being sober won't feel so bad.

FreddyBear

These are great points, D. I indeed was the one who posted here the day after a binge full of fear, panic and self hatred.
Even when I drank alone, I managed to embarass myself. Last time I drank by myself I called escort, ordered pizza and beer and they all arrived at the same time. Also, my neighbor showed up with them. He just looked at me with a disgust, said nothing and walked to his door.

I too don't believe in alcoholism as a standalone disease. I know for sure I have pretty bad underlying issues, such as social anxiety, inability to form relationships/emotional coldness, horrible self esteem issues, and loneliness that can't be fixed for the reasons mentioned above.

But now I face all these problems and can't find a ray of light. Yes, I'm quite an idiot posting about "feeling good", but these couple of hours when I'm not too drunk I'm truly happy (or, just don't care). So, I'm stuck between "bad" and "very bad" options, that's why I'm venting here. Sorry for this.

DaveyT

There is absolutely no need to apologise to anyone here, we are all trying to help and support one another.

You should look into counselling to help the underlying issues. Sometimes we can't find a solution on our own and professionals know of various techniques like CBT which can be very beneficial.

FreddyBear

Hi Hypohindriac,

Thanks a lot for your post. I remeber you supported me about a year ago when I first came here, and it helped me to keep trying.

Not sure about physical health, no big troubles except the beer and snacks made me way too fat. As for the mental side, this became worse. Until 28 y.o. I drank 18-20 beers 2-3 times a week with just a little foggy head in the morning. But strangely the hangovers turned emotional - I began to wake up at early hours in sweat, rapid heardbeat, fear and paranoia. This emotional part pushed me to address my drinking. Also, the feeling of shame was so intense I just never felt like this before.

And, feeling of loneliness and sense of worthlessness magnified ten fold.

Frankly, not a lot so far. I lost 25 pounds in these 2 months by cutting off beer and crap from my diet, and exercising. Was full of hope that it will boost my self esteem, but it just doesn't! I'm still hiding away from the world living the life of a ghost. Apart from work (2 to 4 hrs a day) and gym, I just sit on my ass watching tv shows. So I suppose I don't work on recovery, but don't know how to change myself. If things will go as they are, I will end up drinking again, that's for sure.

soberlicious

You're stuck between those options because you're stuck in the cycle of addiction. As others have said, it will get better. Without the alcohol, it will take time, but it will get better. With the alcohol, it will never ever get better. You cannot address the issues you mentioned as a drinker, and so they will remain always there. Shirts is right, the beautiful girls aren't looking for a drunk and the bosses of the world aren't looking for an employee that brings 50% of his best on a good day. Did you read what nonsensical posted? It was helpful for me to understand what was going on with my brain.

Delilah1

Hi Freddy,

I am sorry you are struggling with things right now. I am struggling getting my sobriety back right now. I did great from October until January, and I thought making it through the holidays was toughest. However, I have slipped back into drinking again, and it is not making things any better.

I am back here again, and looking forward to getting those 2 months that you have now back again. Hang in there, I promise, drinking is not helping me to feel better!

Delilah1

One other thing, 25 pounds is awesome!!!

Leolife

Hi Freddy - I'd say get out the house. Tv shows in the house for days on end, while they have their place, are nothing compared to the thrill of the liquor train. You gotta get out and start doing sober stuff that triggers your fun switch, however small it starts.. Ride a horse? Sky dive? Skin a chicken?

Leolife

Hi Delilah good luck with recapturing your days! Every time back brings with it a new set of solutions to the drinking mental game to help.

ReadyAtLast

I agree with Threshold and dee. 60 days isn't enough. I'm only 3.5 months but the difference in how I feel now to how I felt at 60 days is incredible. I felt very low at 60 days,very similar to you. Now I feel 100 times better. For me also,the confident drunk person wasn't really me,was a bit of a prat -I just thought I was coolly self confident but in reality I was a drunken nuisance. I'm quieter now, less social but more comfortable alone and in company. I realize now that there is nothing wrong with that and it's better than getting drunk to 'try' and be the lifeand soul of the party

Please give it time,there's nothing to be gained from drinking