The thing about a 'relapse'
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Captaincrunch 
Stay Strong.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Intersting thread! At the end of the day they are just words and peoples opinions on them. We aren't going to agree with everyone. Yes, I thought this thread could be discouraging to a newcomer, especially if it was the first one they read. But again that is just my opinon.
If I find myself stongly disagreeing with someones post, sometimes it helps me to kind of sit back and give it food for thought. For me that is progress. In the past I would have probably gone postal and just vomited out my post without any thought at all!
I truly believe that everyone here has the best intentions and are trying to give their experiences so that the newcomers don't make the same mistakes we made over and over again. At the end of the day they do have your best interests at heart.
If I find myself stongly disagreeing with someones post, sometimes it helps me to kind of sit back and give it food for thought. For me that is progress. In the past I would have probably gone postal and just vomited out my post without any thought at all!
I truly believe that everyone here has the best intentions and are trying to give their experiences so that the newcomers don't make the same mistakes we made over and over again. At the end of the day they do have your best interests at heart.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
I think I get what you were meaning initially avocado. Theres a guy round here in meetings who is always saying something similar.
I said I relapsed in the past but never had recovery in my own opinion. So looking back on it now I do not see it as a relapse, and more of a short break from drinking and a pondering of possible recovery.
By the definitions I just looked at, a relapse is a return to illness or disease after a partial recovery. So then we have to define recovery. We all know thats a can of worms...
If I woke up on saturday hung over, said I was done drinking, but got drunk next friday night I would not call it a relapse myself.
I could not care less if someone else does though. I don't really care if you are sober 2 minutes and say you relapsed.
If you want to stay stopped I care a lot.. I know it is not fun to keep picking up over and over. It is so hard and sad to live in that cycle.
I do not have a lot of sober time but I feel I am 'recovered' at just over 100 days. By my own made up definition.
I felt recovered at 60 days.
If I drank tomorrow I would say I relapsed, I chose to drink. The description would not matter because I would be a mess... Hanging on for dear life once again.
Relapsed or not we can be some highly sensitive people!
I said I relapsed in the past but never had recovery in my own opinion. So looking back on it now I do not see it as a relapse, and more of a short break from drinking and a pondering of possible recovery.
By the definitions I just looked at, a relapse is a return to illness or disease after a partial recovery. So then we have to define recovery. We all know thats a can of worms...
If I woke up on saturday hung over, said I was done drinking, but got drunk next friday night I would not call it a relapse myself.
I could not care less if someone else does though. I don't really care if you are sober 2 minutes and say you relapsed.
If you want to stay stopped I care a lot.
. I know it is not fun to keep picking up over and over. It is so hard and sad to live in that cycle.I do not have a lot of sober time but I feel I am 'recovered' at just over 100 days. By my own made up definition.
I felt recovered at 60 days.
If I drank tomorrow I would say I relapsed, I chose to drink. The description would not matter because I would be a mess... Hanging on for dear life once again.
Relapsed or not we can be some highly sensitive people!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
reˇlapse (r-lps)
intr.v. reˇlapsed, reˇlapsˇing, reˇlapsˇes
1. To fall or slide back into a former state.
2. To regress after partial recovery from illness.
3. To slip back into bad ways; backslide.
I called them relapses because in my mind I slid back into a former state
weeks or months before I picked up again. I fell into negativity, or I began romancing the drink in my mind. I started forgetting where alcohol took me. I thought of ways I could get away with it. I fantasized about how good it would feel.
It's when I fall back into this thinking and don't discuss it with another alcoholic that I am not far from picking up. Historically( I"M Old) as I look back the relapse happened long before I picked up. I personally call it a relapse. I may have prevented the return to drinking if I had paid attention to the relapse in my thinking. Happy Easter!
intr.v. reˇlapsed, reˇlapsˇing, reˇlapsˇes
1. To fall or slide back into a former state.
2. To regress after partial recovery from illness.
3. To slip back into bad ways; backslide.
I called them relapses because in my mind I slid back into a former state
weeks or months before I picked up again. I fell into negativity, or I began romancing the drink in my mind. I started forgetting where alcohol took me. I thought of ways I could get away with it. I fantasized about how good it would feel.
It's when I fall back into this thinking and don't discuss it with another alcoholic that I am not far from picking up. Historically( I"M Old) as I look back the relapse happened long before I picked up. I personally call it a relapse.
I may have prevented the return to drinking if I had paid attention to the relapse in my thinking. Happy Easter!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
My previous post in this thread was intended to point out that I thought 'pet peeves' were interesting, by illustrating one of mine. I wasn't trying to bust anyone's chops. My apologies if it came across differently.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I use the term relapse for the times I returned to drinking and using after being in active recovery, as in working a program and doing active things to maintain sobriety. The times I said to myself "I'm done" then changed nothing, I don't classify as me being in recovery.
I also have used the word slip, when I had a dumb case of "hey, a little drink/pill won't hurt" and had one and said "what are you doing" and stopped and got back on track real quick. I use relapse for times I turned back to drugs and booze as a "noncoping" mechanism and got caught up in the whole thing all over again.
I find it very interesting to learn what other people mean when they use these terms.
I also have used the word slip, when I had a dumb case of "hey, a little drink/pill won't hurt" and had one and said "what are you doing" and stopped and got back on track real quick. I use relapse for times I turned back to drugs and booze as a "noncoping" mechanism and got caught up in the whole thing all over again.
I find it very interesting to learn what other people mean when they use these terms.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
I like the term relapse. Using the word relapse when I think about drinking reminds me that there is a reason that I do not drink. Saying to myself "Maybe I will drink a few drinks because drinking really wasn't a problem for me" sort of makes sense. But "Maybe I will relapse because drinking really wasn't a problem for me" makes no sense. I consciously use the word relapse when I am wanting to drink.
I do not use the terms "fell off the wagon" or "slipped".
The one tricky thing for me is the idea that relapse is part of recovery. I initially thought that was supportive, and I know there is a lot of truth in that statement. But my mind can play with that concept and justify drinking- since it is supposed to be part of recovery.
Is the concern with the word 'relapse' that it makes it sound like it is something that just happens to someone, as opposed to an action that someone is taking? I think relapsing is an action that we choose to do. But I can see how the word could be used to distance someone from the reality of drinking.
Interesting thread. Cool how we all have different interpretations.
I do not use the terms "fell off the wagon" or "slipped".
The one tricky thing for me is the idea that relapse is part of recovery. I initially thought that was supportive, and I know there is a lot of truth in that statement. But my mind can play with that concept and justify drinking- since it is supposed to be part of recovery.
Is the concern with the word 'relapse' that it makes it sound like it is something that just happens to someone, as opposed to an action that someone is taking? I think relapsing is an action that we choose to do. But I can see how the word could be used to distance someone from the reality of drinking.
Interesting thread. Cool how we all have different interpretations.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Newhope your descriptives are fine. Please don't hold back on posting if it helps you to stay sober and develop.
This is a huge community with people from all over, i enjoy the subtle differences in language....except for a couple of phrases, cliches that irk me to no end....
(White Knuckle and Dry Drunk).
This is a huge community with people from all over, i enjoy the subtle differences in language....except for a couple of phrases, cliches that irk me to no end....
(White Knuckle and Dry Drunk).
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Very interesting thread!
Avocado, it sounds like you react negatively to the passivity implied by "relapse." I can see that.
My relationship with the words is different. "I drank" vs "relapse"... "I drank" sounds like a singular, isolated event. A "relapse" is a misstep in a process. Earlier this evening I was very, very tempted to drink at a gathering of friends. And when I thought about it as "maybe I will drink tonight", that sounded fine to me. But when I started thinking that I was going to have to get on SR and admit that I drank, the words "slip" and "relapse" came to mind. That shifted the perspective for me. Not just because I would be sad to admit it, but also because the words themselves frame the action in the context of its relation to an overall goal.
I think for all of us maybe finding a descriptor that has that instant emotional connection is important. For you that's "I chose to drink" because of the deep sense of responsibility it implies. For me, being reminded of my goal is important. I could see "fall off the wagon" being emotionally strong for others because it implies loss and being left behind. Etc etc.
In general I really do connect with the foundation of your point, which is that language can be powerful and choosing the right way to speak about addictions can make a big difference in our success.
Avocado, it sounds like you react negatively to the passivity implied by "relapse." I can see that.
My relationship with the words is different. "I drank" vs "relapse"... "I drank" sounds like a singular, isolated event. A "relapse" is a misstep in a process. Earlier this evening I was very, very tempted to drink at a gathering of friends. And when I thought about it as "maybe I will drink tonight", that sounded fine to me. But when I started thinking that I was going to have to get on SR and admit that I drank, the words "slip" and "relapse" came to mind. That shifted the perspective for me. Not just because I would be sad to admit it, but also because the words themselves frame the action in the context of its relation to an overall goal.
I think for all of us maybe finding a descriptor that has that instant emotional connection is important. For you that's "I chose to drink" because of the deep sense of responsibility it implies. For me, being reminded of my goal is important. I could see "fall off the wagon" being emotionally strong for others because it implies loss and being left behind. Etc etc.
In general I really do connect with the foundation of your point, which is that language can be powerful and choosing the right way to speak about addictions can make a big difference in our success.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I took avocado's point to mean that how we use language with ourselves is important. The words we choose and what they mean to us can impact our thinking, and thus our behaviors. I need to consider the words I use and why, and if they are helpful for me or not.
Personally, I think that's a good message for a newcomer. Food for thought is all. Not everything is a judgement.
Personally, I think that's a good message for a newcomer. Food for thought is all. Not everything is a judgement.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
I see what Avocado means-how we describe it to ourselves can mean the difference between picking up and not. I have a friend who recently got out of rehab who isn't ready to quit drinking, but really has to due to some serious health issues. She "slips" all the time. I think by her calling it a slip, it diminishes the importance of it all. A slip sounds harmless, like it's something that just happens to her. It removes your responsibility somehow. A relapse also sounds like that to me, just my opinion. I look at it like picking up a drink is in our control, but someone with a disease that they can't control would have a relapse.
I f*cked up would probably be the words I'd choose lol
I f*cked up would probably be the words I'd choose lol
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
"To bust" as a verb means "to break, to bring an end to,...'' I don't take busting as loaded in any way, it's just a statement of fact : My sobriety had a break. I busted. Then I stopped busting. It doesn't mean I won't bust again. Well actually I won't but that's one day at a time. Not taking anything for granted, if I did the likelyhood of busting increases. Not sure why I bothered to write that. I recognise this semantic thing is seen as important to a number of people. Doesn't mean it has to be for me. I'll shut up now.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Semantics can be important. If I take money from someone without them knowing it, am I "stealing"? I was going to give it back, so I prefer to call it "borrowing".
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
Why are you so worried about what words other people use? Are you looking at the word for they way it is used or for what it means to you? Relapse is just a return to formal behavior after a period of abstinence. In the end if someone picks up it doesn't matter if the person had 25 years, 25 months, or 25 days, because drinking is drinking.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hmmm... Morals. I think that's a good topic. Good Morals and Honesty is, I think, irrespective of path taken, recognised universally as a fundamental building block in lasting sobriety.
I'm not judging here, I'm simply stating how I feel about the language I use with myself in relation to my drinking. Everyone else is free, of course, to call it whatever they please.
ps Theend I don't think the OP is "worried", it's just a topic for discussion. This is a discussion forum after all. There may be something of value to someone in this thread.
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