The thing about a 'relapse'
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 297
The thing about a 'relapse'
you didn't 'relapse', you 'drank'.
I think the word 'relapse' can give people the unfortunate idea that the CHOICE they consciously made was something other than the bad decision to drink alcohol. I can understand using the word if you've been sober for years and then succumbed to the pressures and drank, causing a return to past behaviors, but to use the term after not drinking for a few days, weeks, even months is, imho, a way of making excuses for the choice you've made. I'm not trying to be combative here, just warning people that maybe the words you've heard or have used are playing against your best interests.
I think the word 'relapse' can give people the unfortunate idea that the CHOICE they consciously made was something other than the bad decision to drink alcohol. I can understand using the word if you've been sober for years and then succumbed to the pressures and drank, causing a return to past behaviors, but to use the term after not drinking for a few days, weeks, even months is, imho, a way of making excuses for the choice you've made. I'm not trying to be combative here, just warning people that maybe the words you've heard or have used are playing against your best interests.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
It's funny what bugs us and what doesn't, eh? Use of the word 'relapse' doesn't bother me, but for some reason I don't like the phrase 'fell off the wagon'. Makes it sound like you were just minding your own business and liquor got poured down your throat accidentally. If you're off 'the wagon', you jumped off, you didn't fall.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
I'm sorry you feel insulted by the word avocado but... it's just a word.
Whether you accept the premise or not, it's pretty obviously closely tied to the idea of alcoholism as a disease.
I think we need to be careful not to univeralise our personal opinions.
I don't believe that use of the word relapse (or even 'slip') necessarily means people are any less 'serious' than anyone else.
People deal with drinking again in various ways - if someone's disgusted with themselves, and one word makes them feel slightly less like going out and getting drunk or high again than another word might, I say have at it?
D
Whether you accept the premise or not, it's pretty obviously closely tied to the idea of alcoholism as a disease.
I think we need to be careful not to univeralise our personal opinions.
I don't believe that use of the word relapse (or even 'slip') necessarily means people are any less 'serious' than anyone else.
People deal with drinking again in various ways - if someone's disgusted with themselves, and one word makes them feel slightly less like going out and getting drunk or high again than another word might, I say have at it?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i relapse on a race track and slip on ice.
if i call it anything, its a premeditated drunk. got pretty po'ed when i was told i was on one, but by the grace of God, when the thought of,"screw this, im gettin drunk" and before gettin to the store, i took a shower. thats when it all hit me: it all started a few months before that thought came up.
if i call it anything, its a premeditated drunk. got pretty po'ed when i was told i was on one, but by the grace of God, when the thought of,"screw this, im gettin drunk" and before gettin to the store, i took a shower. thats when it all hit me: it all started a few months before that thought came up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
I completely agree. I've never relapsed - I've chosen to drink.
However, for some people that come here, especially newcomers that have never experienced the words or phrases linked to addiction - they will say I've relapsed on day 4.
That is their understanding of the word as how they see it - a relapse.
It's just jargon. Horse for courses.
However, for some people that come here, especially newcomers that have never experienced the words or phrases linked to addiction - they will say I've relapsed on day 4.
That is their understanding of the word as how they see it - a relapse.
It's just jargon. Horse for courses.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by avocado 
you didn't 'relapse', you 'drank'.
I think the word 'relapse' can give people the unfortunate idea that the CHOICE they consciously made was something other than the bad decision to drink alcohol. I can understand using the word if you've been sober for years and then succumbed to the pressures and drank, causing a return to past behaviors, but to use the term after not drinking for a few days, weeks, even months is, imho, a way of making excuses for the choice you've made. I'm not trying to be combative here, just warning people that maybe the words you've heard or have used are playing against your best interests.
I think the word 'relapse' can give people the unfortunate idea that the CHOICE they consciously made was something other than the bad decision to drink alcohol. I can understand using the word if you've been sober for years and then succumbed to the pressures and drank, causing a return to past behaviors, but to use the term after not drinking for a few days, weeks, even months is, imho, a way of making excuses for the choice you've made. I'm not trying to be combative here, just warning people that maybe the words you've heard or have used are playing against your best interests.
It's always a choice. Relapse (IMO) is a word used to describe binge drinking after a period of sobriety when one has made the choice to try to be sober. A slip is having a few drinks (or many) on a single night after an extended period of sobriety, when someone knows that even a single drink could send them into a relapse.
These are my definations, but they are not the same for everyone, and there really is no reason they should be. I think everyone has their own type of relapse and their own slips. To feel like you have to earn a relapse cheapens the idea of hope for many newcommers to sobriety. I think we all know we choose to drink.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Wales
Posts: 147
I used the words `fell off the wagon` this morning, if I didn`t feel like I was responsible for that I wouldn`t have felt so gutted and disgusted with myslef. All my friends and family are out tonight drinking. I`m in and sober here because I`m deadly serious about arresting my alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by sandgirl
I used the words `fell off the wagon` this morning, if I didn`t feel like I was responsible for that I wouldn`t have felt so gutted and disgusted with myslef. All my friends and family are out tonight drinking. I`m in and sober here because I`m deadly serious about arresting my alcoholism.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
With all do respect to everyone who posted here, I have to admit reading this post and some of the comments made me feel pretty bad about myself. Im a newcomer and I slip up all the time but I do feel I am trying really hard to obtain sobriety. I even used the word, 'relapse' and felt like it may have been inappropriate but thats how it felt for me at the time.
I understand how frustrating it may be for folks who have a few years of sobriety under their belt or get annoyed with people like me who come on here every other day whining about how they slipped up and are back at day 1 but try to remember how hard it was for you when you first started.
Idk, I guess I shouldn't let this bother me the way that I am letting it but it really did make me feel embarassed and that maybe I shouldn't post as often as I do. I know thats silly and I will continue to post but maybe cut us newbies a little slack when we say something in the wrong context.
I understand how frustrating it may be for folks who have a few years of sobriety under their belt or get annoyed with people like me who come on here every other day whining about how they slipped up and are back at day 1 but try to remember how hard it was for you when you first started.
Idk, I guess I shouldn't let this bother me the way that I am letting it but it really did make me feel embarassed and that maybe I shouldn't post as often as I do. I know thats silly and I will continue to post but maybe cut us newbies a little slack when we say something in the wrong context.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 169
I just go by the strictest definitions. Relapse means to return to a prior activity after a period of abstinence. If someone is a daily drinker, and they manage to stay 6 days sober, then get drunk... they've relapsed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 297
I really didn't mean to make anyone feel bad or attack anyone. My point isn't that you're 'bad' for using the word, but that maybe the word isn't your friend. Maybe it's a 'bad' word to even use to describe what you've done. It seems like a way to excuse behvior, to distance one's self from the choice that was made to cause that 'relapse'. What made me think of this was purely my own thoughts. I sat there thinking that maybe I want to drink some beer, that I can now have one beer and it won't be a big deal, at worst I will just 'relapse' and then I realized how dangerous that is to think that way. Fundamentally it is my choice. The term 'relapse' seems to defer responsibility for that choice.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Newhope, I agree with Dee 100% - if people like you (and me, back on day one again) felt we couldn't come here to SR to tell our story, then I suspect the membership would be cut in half immediately!
I believe it's important to be able to 'get it out', i.e. put words to the whole experience of quitting, staying quit, and - yes - relapsing / slipping / choosing to drink (I tend to use the terms interchangeably).
It's when we can speak our truths to others, as unpleasant as those truths often are, that we can hear back from others a bit of their own 'experience, strength and hope'. That's GOLD - especially for social isolates like me.
So, yeah please DO keep on posting! Doesn't matter if it sounds like whining! People who don't want to hear it can simply shut their ears / read another post.
I believe it's important to be able to 'get it out', i.e. put words to the whole experience of quitting, staying quit, and - yes - relapsing / slipping / choosing to drink (I tend to use the terms interchangeably).
It's when we can speak our truths to others, as unpleasant as those truths often are, that we can hear back from others a bit of their own 'experience, strength and hope'. That's GOLD - especially for social isolates like me.
So, yeah please DO keep on posting! Doesn't matter if it sounds like whining! People who don't want to hear it can simply shut their ears / read another post.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Tennessee... The mountainous side.
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by avocado
I think the word 'relapse' can give people the unfortunate idea that the CHOICE they consciously made was something other than the bad decision to drink alcohol. I can understand using the word if you've been sober for years and then succumbed to the pressures and drank, causing a return to past behaviors, but to use the term after not drinking for a few days, weeks, even months is, imho, a way of making excuses for the choice you've made.
"Hi everyone... You didn't have the strength to refrain from drinking alcohol. Because you haven't been sober for a lengthy period of time... you don't deserve to use the term relapsed. It should be reserved for only those who have achieved "success...." over a long timeframe. As someone newly seeking sobriety you can't call it anything except consciously choosing to fail."
I have been logging into SR since December. I have struggled to put together longer than 14 days sober. But I have a strong desire to quit drinking. I just relapsed after several weeks. (according to my sponsor and physician).
If I go one day or God willing 40 years then stumble... it is what it is. A relapse, falling off the wagon, loosing sobriety, temporarily slipping up...
I just don't quite understand the purpose of your post and found it pretty discouraging.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
It makes no difference what words we choose - it is the courage to come here, among supportive people, that matters.
Over the years I've "relapsed, drank, not drank, had a sip, had one, had none, slipped, fell off the wagon, jumped off the wagon, plugged the jug"...you get my point. MY bottom line is I choose to live a sober life and it ain't easy but I'm doing it for almost 7 months now. And how I define my personal journey is up to no one but ME.
I hope no one reads this thread and becomes discouraged. Sometimes, as alcoholics, we get hung up on things - classic behavior trait and I actually believe it makes us pretty interesting people. I've seen people hung up on day counts, whether the vanilla in the cupcake they ate "counted" as "slip" or "relapse"...the list could go on for pages.
Everyone here has a desire to not drink and most are fighting like hell to achieve that each and every day. Focusing on semantics for too long just distracts from our primary purpose - to help each other.
Respectfully and just my 2cents (which are worth the same as everyone else's!)
Over the years I've "relapsed, drank, not drank, had a sip, had one, had none, slipped, fell off the wagon, jumped off the wagon, plugged the jug"...you get my point. MY bottom line is I choose to live a sober life and it ain't easy but I'm doing it for almost 7 months now. And how I define my personal journey is up to no one but ME.
I hope no one reads this thread and becomes discouraged. Sometimes, as alcoholics, we get hung up on things - classic behavior trait and I actually believe it makes us pretty interesting people. I've seen people hung up on day counts, whether the vanilla in the cupcake they ate "counted" as "slip" or "relapse"...the list could go on for pages.
Everyone here has a desire to not drink and most are fighting like hell to achieve that each and every day. Focusing on semantics for too long just distracts from our primary purpose - to help each other.
Respectfully and just my 2cents (which are worth the same as everyone else's!)
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
that relapse means we drank again...yes. of course.
that drinking again means relapse, or slip, or mistake, or wobble, or tumbling off wagons and carts...not my words, and some of those words might minimize more than others.
in my own decades of drinking, i thought of it simply in terms of "oh ****!"
after i got sober, i described it as having had a gazillion tries and relapses in my past.
after i'd been sober longer, i saw that the gazillion relapses and tries had in fact been my pattern; a way of trying for control and not managing.
a way of thinking my choice was free and clear. it wasn't. it was captive to addiction/alcoholism.
none of this takes away from my attempts being genuine and desperate each time.
the people who keep posting here and keep coming back have my admiration. when i was bouncing around in my "gazillion relapses", i never had the guts to post and talk with ANYONE. all hidden and secret. takes guts to come here and speak about drinking again, no matter what you call it.
that drinking again means relapse, or slip, or mistake, or wobble, or tumbling off wagons and carts...not my words, and some of those words might minimize more than others.
in my own decades of drinking, i thought of it simply in terms of "oh ****!"
after i got sober, i described it as having had a gazillion tries and relapses in my past.
after i'd been sober longer, i saw that the gazillion relapses and tries had in fact been my pattern; a way of trying for control and not managing.
a way of thinking my choice was free and clear. it wasn't. it was captive to addiction/alcoholism.
none of this takes away from my attempts being genuine and desperate each time.
the people who keep posting here and keep coming back have my admiration. when i was bouncing around in my "gazillion relapses", i never had the guts to post and talk with ANYONE. all hidden and secret. takes guts to come here and speak about drinking again, no matter what you call it.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Well, lets us remember why we are here and forgive each other for any misunderstandings that may have been unintentionally expressed. I appreciate how open it is here to share our thoughts and opinions as it allows us to communicate honestly about ourselves and with each other.
@avocado thanks for sharing the thought process you were having over the term 'relapse' when you were considering having a beer. It is powerful how some words can make or break our commitments and I will try to be more vigiliant to what my AV is telling me next time I consider drinking.
@avocado thanks for sharing the thought process you were having over the term 'relapse' when you were considering having a beer. It is powerful how some words can make or break our commitments and I will try to be more vigiliant to what my AV is telling me next time I consider drinking.
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