shauninspain

When you look back after a relapse, when you have recovered rational thought, do you clearly see the stop signs that you drove right through to Painsville?

I was out walking the dog this evening, thinking about the weeks prior to my drink, and it became clear. Something that happens to me time and time again, is that I begin to develop very violent thoughts and fantasies.

First - There is a gradual build up of mental tension. Mainly resentment, anger and self pity which can increase in intensity for months (because I normalize/justify it, and don't deal with it).

Second - I begin to have heated arguments in my head, or literally aloud with myself when I am alone. My mind races and I cannot be calm until I have ranted out my fury.

Third - A subtle (but significant) change occurs, which induces me, when in work or when walking outside, to want to seriously hurt people for the smallest indiscretion. I even invent indiscretions (in my head), which have not occurred, in order to fantasize about punching, stabbing, beating, shooting someone.

This is the tipping point, which can continue for about a week, but when reached I am days away from picking up.

I am interested to hear if others on here have their own signs that all is not well. Perhaps we could build up a 'watch list'.

ScottFromWI

I have no specific triggers, i just like to drink. And in the relapses I've had since I have quit, i just think I'm doing fine so I can go back to casual/controlled drinking. And it doesn't work. Wish I had a magic bullet but I just like beer...but it doesn't like me or let me like it in a moderated manner.

Mizzuno

Time has been a warning sign for me. If I'm not vigilant about recovery I relapse. Lack of support is another. Stress can trigger the urge to drink.

Rennet

Overconfidence. I gain so much confidence in myself when I'm sober that is extends into my sobriety. I think it's something I can manage just like anything else. Let it come and go. But that isn't true.

coming_clean

H.A.L.T

hungry, angry, lonely, tired

quitforme79

I'm glad you brought this up. Anxiety is a big trigger for me & it has been bubbling to the surface for me for a couple weeks now. I have to just stay strong in my recovery efforts...AA, SR & prayer. Anger is a big one for me too. I have a lot stuck inside & it came out when I drank. I'm trying to find healthy ways to let it go... If you figure out some let me know

cleareyes

One of my biggest is getting out alone. I not only live with my husband but we work together as well. If I have any amount of time alone (with transportation and money) I almost automatically go buy beer. I know my last relapse happened that way. It was almost autopilot when I walked into the store.

I've been trying to keep a journal daily to record my moods and emotions and what is happening at that moment. My sponsor recommended this not only to help me but to help her as well. Before I might realize a day or two later that I was irritated or depressed a certain day but not be able to figure out why. Now I write down the emotion and what was going on immediately or at least a recap of my day each night. I find this is helping figure out things.

FMP1989

My warning signs are having enough money to drink, having time alone (that one disappears after the first two drinks) and having a close liquor store that always has what I want. (I don't think these are warning signs but w/e)

Also a really rainy/snowy day is a given or if there's a storm coming or a huge game or new movie I want to watch. Of course some really good, new music can give me that edge to just say F it, lemme get my vodka or beer and turn this into a party. Sad but true

daisy1

I too begin to brood and think horrible things if I let my mind drift. I begin to get very angry about people that have wronged me in the past - yes it's definitely a self pity thing, ends up in such angry thoughts though. I too plot revenge - usually involves saying awful things or dumping horse poo on their doorstep or something (I think it I don't do it!).

Something that has really, really helped me- when I start to get upset/angry - I think of the Prayer for Serenity. I just say in my head 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change' over and over - the feelings subside very quickly :-)

Grymt

when I was building up to a bust it often followed these paths. My thing was often resentment. I don't know exactly, but standing back from it now I took that as a reason to punish myself, as if that mattered to anyone.
Now as I find myself going down these paths I try to find the opposites. For example, if my negative feelings become something that destabilises my sober life too much I try to do something positive. For example I give away something I am attached to to someone who seems to need it, without expecting anything in return.
In this way, for me, I halt the building up of negativity in me and it has it's own reward in that I often feel a return to a calm that is nice and I can get on with things again in a better frame of mind.
The key being for me finding the opposites..