Maybe I am wrong?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Maybe I am wrong?
I have had time to think about recovery and about my alcoholism and what that means to me. Even though I have made some bad decisions pertaining to alcohol use, that doesn't mean that all of my thinking is screwed. Like when people say in meetings "Your best thinking got you here". Maybe so at that moment. My best thinking has also let me survive a hell of a life (childhood and raising myself). My best thinking has kept me positive and walking in a good direction ( I can stumble along the way) My best thinking (along with some advice from fellow drinkers) has allowed me to march my butt down to AA and get help, again.
I guess, what I am saying, is that i do not want to think that i am screwed in the brain and that i do not know how to live. I do know how to live. I know what my life is like without Alcohol. I knew that it was only a matter of time until something happened. It doesnt mean that i am screwed. It just means that i cannot drink....It doesnt mean that i can not make decisions for myself. I do not feel like a infant in sobriety.
My sponsor wanted me to go to a 6am meeting today....Or rather leave at 6 and the meeting starts at 6:30am. I had to say "NO". I have gone to a meeting everyday since this last situation (6 days in a row) I need to sleep. I need to feel like i can breathe. I need to be able to take care of my house and cats and laundry and........ I need to be able to be a adult in my life. I might have a resentment here. So, at 7:15, I am happy to be sitting here and not feeling like i need to go go go. I am sober.
It might take me a little while to get to the laundry and to get to the house. I believe this is just what i need right now.
( any advice is helpful....maybe i am thinking wrong)
I guess, what I am saying, is that i do not want to think that i am screwed in the brain and that i do not know how to live. I do know how to live. I know what my life is like without Alcohol. I knew that it was only a matter of time until something happened. It doesnt mean that i am screwed. It just means that i cannot drink....It doesnt mean that i can not make decisions for myself. I do not feel like a infant in sobriety.
My sponsor wanted me to go to a 6am meeting today....Or rather leave at 6 and the meeting starts at 6:30am. I had to say "NO". I have gone to a meeting everyday since this last situation (6 days in a row) I need to sleep. I need to feel like i can breathe. I need to be able to take care of my house and cats and laundry and........ I need to be able to be a adult in my life. I might have a resentment here. So, at 7:15, I am happy to be sitting here and not feeling like i need to go go go. I am sober.
It might take me a little while to get to the laundry and to get to the house. I believe this is just what i need right now.
( any advice is helpful....maybe i am thinking wrong)
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Like you said, your best thinking got you to where you are. I think your sponsor is trying to get and keep you sober. If if felt it important enough to skip your AM meeting, I hope you will at least make an evening one, if AA is going to be your chosen path of recovery.
Wishing you the best.
Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
You sound pretty darn healthy to me. I don't think you need me to say that you did the right thing in listening to your body and were able to say "No" and put your physical need for sleep first.
We all, alcohol problem or not, have thinking patterns that we need to consider and evaluate constantly. We all have room to grow, but you seem like you are in a really good place!
We all, alcohol problem or not, have thinking patterns that we need to consider and evaluate constantly. We all have room to grow, but you seem like you are in a really good place!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by doggonecarl 
Like you said, your best thinking got you to where you are. I think your sponsor is trying to get and keep you sober. If if felt it important enough to skip your AM meeting, I hope you will at least make an evening one, if AA is going to be your chosen path of recovery.
Wishing you the best.
Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Mizz, I am new to this but I hear you on what you posted above. I love my AA meetings and they are helping me to stay sober but I also don't necessarily think that I am completely bollocks in the head or else I probably would never have survived my childhood and many relationships thereafter. I AM bollocks in the head when it comes to alcohol, however. If that is in the equation, or there is a possibility that it might be, then I am pretty much assured that I am not the only captain of my ship anymore and have a 50-75% chance of making the wrong decision.
That said, I also sleep when I need to sleep and rest when I need to rest these days. I spend time with my pets and my books and myself. If I push myself and force myself to go or do something when I would rather rest, I find my threshold lowering and I get panicky. The emotions I used to drown with booze are very near the top these days and part of it is learning to ride them out. AA and a combo of listening to my needs/body seems to be doing that so far.
Anyway, from reading your posts over the last week or so I think you are very, very brave. To have gone through what you did, be so completely honest and open about it, and get your a** back on the horse and go back out there and get a new job and go to work? Seriously impressive stuff, sister. And certainly not the stuff of someone with a weak constitution or someone who doesn't know her own mind.
Just my two cents from my own (limited) experience and the impressions I have gotten from you over the past week or two.
Happy Saturday and see you around here later, I hope.
That said, I also sleep when I need to sleep and rest when I need to rest these days. I spend time with my pets and my books and myself. If I push myself and force myself to go or do something when I would rather rest, I find my threshold lowering and I get panicky. The emotions I used to drown with booze are very near the top these days and part of it is learning to ride them out. AA and a combo of listening to my needs/body seems to be doing that so far.
Anyway, from reading your posts over the last week or so I think you are very, very brave. To have gone through what you did, be so completely honest and open about it, and get your a** back on the horse and go back out there and get a new job and go to work? Seriously impressive stuff, sister. And certainly not the stuff of someone with a weak constitution or someone who doesn't know her own mind.
Just my two cents from my own (limited) experience and the impressions I have gotten from you over the past week or two.
Happy Saturday and see you around here later, I hope.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Balance is important to me in my recovery. In fact, it's crucial.
It wasn't my best thinking that got me to the point of alcoholism. It was my worst thinking. I got off track. I stopped listening to the quiet inner voice, to my soul. I ignored it and ended up way off track. My best thinking got me to recovery and to a healthy place.
It wasn't my best thinking that got me to the point of alcoholism. It was my worst thinking. I got off track. I stopped listening to the quiet inner voice, to my soul. I ignored it and ended up way off track. My best thinking got me to recovery and to a healthy place.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Anna
Balance is important to me in my recovery. In fact, it's crucial.
It wasn't my best thinking that got me to the point of alcoholism. It was my worst thinking. I got off track. I stopped listening to the quiet inner voice, to my soul. I ignored it and ended up way off track. My best thinking got me to recovery and to a healthy place.
It wasn't my best thinking that got me to the point of alcoholism. It was my worst thinking. I got off track. I stopped listening to the quiet inner voice, to my soul. I ignored it and ended up way off track. My best thinking got me to recovery and to a healthy place.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: The world is home to me.
Posts: 11
I hear what you are saying, Mizzuno. I went to the 6 PM meeting last night and told my sponsor that I would make the 8 AM this morning. When I still hadn't fallen asleep at 4:30 AM, I knew the chances of me making that meeting were quite slim. As it turned out, I awoke right about the time the meeting would have ended. No problem, I told myself. I'll make the noon (which I do on most days).
My sponsor will be understanding because he knows that I have had a disaster of a week and really need the rest (Hell, I only got 4 hours sleep - that's rest nowadays!). In addition to my mind racing, another reason I stayed up so late is because I got to watching this show on the National Geographic Channel called Locked Up Abroad. I watched 3 one-hour episodes back to back. Each show covered a Westerner who got caught smuggling drugs and ended up in a Third World prison (Thailand, Barbados, Madagascar). Watching those programs actually made me feel a little better about my situation and I've been to prison twice in Texas which is one of the more difficult places in the States to do time but nothing like what these people endured.
I can't speak for your mind obviously, but my thinking has been both a benefit to me at times in my life and a hinderance. I think just about every alcoholic/addict could say that. I went to college, made good grades, was very responsible as a younger man, ect. so something in my thinking was working for me there. Even at that time, though, cracks were begining to appear (I think they had always been there). Eventually, my thinking went awry and basically, all hell broke loose.
Quitting the booze is the easy part if you ask me. Changing your fatalistic thinking patterns is by far the most difficult part of recovery. It is my belief that is an ongoing process that lasts a lifetime. I'm of the opinion that even people who have never had substance abuse problems could say the same thing. I have known/worked with a number of "normal" drinkers/don't use drugs who were angry, bitter, unhappy about some aspect of life (their marriage, their job, the guy that cut them off on the freeway this morning).
Sorry to be so winded. If your sponsor is really upset about you missing a 6:30 AM Saturday meeting, my retort would be to simply point to the framed words on the wall (should they be posted in your group) "Easy Does It"
My sponsor will be understanding because he knows that I have had a disaster of a week and really need the rest (Hell, I only got 4 hours sleep - that's rest nowadays!). In addition to my mind racing, another reason I stayed up so late is because I got to watching this show on the National Geographic Channel called Locked Up Abroad. I watched 3 one-hour episodes back to back. Each show covered a Westerner who got caught smuggling drugs and ended up in a Third World prison (Thailand, Barbados, Madagascar). Watching those programs actually made me feel a little better about my situation and I've been to prison twice in Texas which is one of the more difficult places in the States to do time but nothing like what these people endured.
I can't speak for your mind obviously, but my thinking has been both a benefit to me at times in my life and a hinderance. I think just about every alcoholic/addict could say that. I went to college, made good grades, was very responsible as a younger man, ect. so something in my thinking was working for me there. Even at that time, though, cracks were begining to appear (I think they had always been there). Eventually, my thinking went awry and basically, all hell broke loose.
Quitting the booze is the easy part if you ask me. Changing your fatalistic thinking patterns is by far the most difficult part of recovery. It is my belief that is an ongoing process that lasts a lifetime. I'm of the opinion that even people who have never had substance abuse problems could say the same thing. I have known/worked with a number of "normal" drinkers/don't use drugs who were angry, bitter, unhappy about some aspect of life (their marriage, their job, the guy that cut them off on the freeway this morning).
Sorry to be so winded. If your sponsor is really upset about you missing a 6:30 AM Saturday meeting, my retort would be to simply point to the framed words on the wall (should they be posted in your group) "Easy Does It"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Ptcapote
Mizz, I am new to this but I hear you on what you posted above. I love my AA meetings and they are helping me to stay sober but I also don't necessarily think that I am completely bollocks in the head or else I probably would never have survived my childhood and many relationships thereafter. I AM bollocks in the head when it comes to alcohol, however. If that is in the equation, or there is a possibility that it might be, then I am pretty much assured that I am not the only captain of my ship anymore and have a 50-75% chance of making the wrong decision.
That said, I also sleep when I need to sleep and rest when I need to rest these days. I spend time with my pets and my books and myself. If I push myself and force myself to go or do something when I would rather rest, I find my threshold lowering and I get panicky. The emotions I used to drown with booze are very near the top these days and part of it is learning to ride them out. AA and a combo of listening to my needs/body seems to be doing that so far.
Anyway, from reading your posts over the last week or so I think you are very, very brave. To have gone through what you did, be so completely honest and open about it, and get your a** back on the horse and go back out there and get a new job and go to work? Seriously impressive stuff, sister. And certainly not the stuff of someone with a weak constitution or someone who doesn't know her own mind.
Just my two cents from my own (limited) experience and the impressions I have gotten from you over the past week or two.
Happy Saturday and see you around here later, I hope.
That said, I also sleep when I need to sleep and rest when I need to rest these days. I spend time with my pets and my books and myself. If I push myself and force myself to go or do something when I would rather rest, I find my threshold lowering and I get panicky. The emotions I used to drown with booze are very near the top these days and part of it is learning to ride them out. AA and a combo of listening to my needs/body seems to be doing that so far.
Anyway, from reading your posts over the last week or so I think you are very, very brave. To have gone through what you did, be so completely honest and open about it, and get your a** back on the horse and go back out there and get a new job and go to work? Seriously impressive stuff, sister. And certainly not the stuff of someone with a weak constitution or someone who doesn't know her own mind.
Just my two cents from my own (limited) experience and the impressions I have gotten from you over the past week or two.
Happy Saturday and see you around here later, I hope.
Thank You. I am touched by your words. I will keep on keeping on sober!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by jobezee1
I hear what you are saying, Mizzuno. I went to the 6 PM meeting last night and told my sponsor that I would make the 8 AM this morning. When I still hadn't fallen asleep at 4:30 AM, I knew the chances of me making that meeting were quite slim. As it turned out, I awoke right about the time the meeting would have ended. No problem, I told myself. I'll make the noon (which I do on most days).
My sponsor will be understanding because he knows that I have had a disaster of a week and really need the rest (Hell, I only got 4 hours sleep - that's rest nowadays!). In addition to my mind racing, another reason I stayed up so late is because I got to watching this show on the National Geographic Channel called Locked Up Abroad. I watched 3 one-hour episodes back to back. Each show covered a Westerner who got caught smuggling drugs and ended up in a Third World prison (Thailand, Barbados, Madagascar). Watching those programs actually made me feel a little better about my situation and I've to prison twice in Texas which is one of the more difficult places in the States to do time but nothing like what these people endured.
I can't speak for your mind obviously, but my thinking has been both a benefit to me at times in my life and a hinderance. I think just about every alcoholic/addict could say that. I went to college, made good grades, was very responsible as a younger man, ect. so something in my thinking was working for me there. Even at that time, though, cracks were begining to appear (I think they had always been there). Eventually, my thinking went awry and basically, all hell broke loose.
Quitting the booze is the easy part if you ask me. Changing your fatalistic thinking patterns is by far the most difficult part of recovery. It is my belief that is an ongoing process that lasts a lifetime. I'm of the opinion that even people who have never had substance abuse problems could say the same thing. I have known/worked with a number of "normal" drinkers/don't use drugs who were angry, bitter, unhappy about some aspect of life (their marriage, their job, the guy that cut them off on the freeway this morning).
Sorry to be so winded. If your sponsor is really upset about you missing a 6:30 AM Saturday meeting, my retort would be to simply point to the framed words on the wall (should they be posted in your group) "Easy Does It"
My sponsor will be understanding because he knows that I have had a disaster of a week and really need the rest (Hell, I only got 4 hours sleep - that's rest nowadays!). In addition to my mind racing, another reason I stayed up so late is because I got to watching this show on the National Geographic Channel called Locked Up Abroad. I watched 3 one-hour episodes back to back. Each show covered a Westerner who got caught smuggling drugs and ended up in a Third World prison (Thailand, Barbados, Madagascar). Watching those programs actually made me feel a little better about my situation and I've to prison twice in Texas which is one of the more difficult places in the States to do time but nothing like what these people endured.
I can't speak for your mind obviously, but my thinking has been both a benefit to me at times in my life and a hinderance. I think just about every alcoholic/addict could say that. I went to college, made good grades, was very responsible as a younger man, ect. so something in my thinking was working for me there. Even at that time, though, cracks were begining to appear (I think they had always been there). Eventually, my thinking went awry and basically, all hell broke loose.
Quitting the booze is the easy part if you ask me. Changing your fatalistic thinking patterns is by far the most difficult part of recovery. It is my belief that is an ongoing process that lasts a lifetime. I'm of the opinion that even people who have never had substance abuse problems could say the same thing. I have known/worked with a number of "normal" drinkers/don't use drugs who were angry, bitter, unhappy about some aspect of life (their marriage, their job, the guy that cut them off on the freeway this morning).
Sorry to be so winded. If your sponsor is really upset about you missing a 6:30 AM Saturday meeting, my retort would be to simply point to the framed words on the wall (should they be posted in your group) "Easy Does It"
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I think you're doing great Mizz ,
Giving up drinking , new job and going to AA all in one week ... are you any good at decorating perchance as my hall needs a lick of paint ? LoL
I'm sure the sponcer is just trying to "look out" for you .
Bestwishes, M
Giving up drinking , new job and going to AA all in one week ... are you any good at decorating perchance as my hall needs a lick of paint ? LoL
I'm sure the sponcer is just trying to "look out" for you .
Bestwishes, M
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Mizz....
ah! I think I get it now that you say your sponsor wasn't the one who was upset.
You know, you are a strong woman who is capable of doing anything you put your mind to. You have shown us all that over the course of the last week. Clearly, as you've gotten yourself this far in your life, you have a set of excellent life skills.
That you used to drink too much is no proof that you are a failure in any way aside from in the ability to control how much you drink once you start. Since you aren't going to start again, you won't have to deal with that problem.
I think that some of the rote phrases and bits of wisdom from aa will be useful to you and others will not. Perhaps things that irritate you now will strike you as spot on at a later time, or maybe not. The important thing is that you are doing what you need to do to get your life back to where you want it to be and going to meetings is helping you to stay focussed.
Don't let anybody (especially YOU) make you feel like you are incompetent or not getting it. You are and you do.
ah! I think I get it now that you say your sponsor wasn't the one who was upset.
You know, you are a strong woman who is capable of doing anything you put your mind to. You have shown us all that over the course of the last week. Clearly, as you've gotten yourself this far in your life, you have a set of excellent life skills.
That you used to drink too much is no proof that you are a failure in any way aside from in the ability to control how much you drink once you start. Since you aren't going to start again, you won't have to deal with that problem.
I think that some of the rote phrases and bits of wisdom from aa will be useful to you and others will not. Perhaps things that irritate you now will strike you as spot on at a later time, or maybe not. The important thing is that you are doing what you need to do to get your life back to where you want it to be and going to meetings is helping you to stay focussed.
Don't let anybody (especially YOU) make you feel like you are incompetent or not getting it. You are and you do.
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by Obladi
I think that some of the rote phrases and bits of wisdom from aa will be useful to you and others will not.
But one of the oft-repeated ones which I never tire of is "take what you want and leave the rest."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I've never been to a men's only meeting .....
Usually we let a couple of the girls in
As far as your best thinking, I believe it is summed up so any alcoholic can understand it here.
Donald Rumsfeld Unknown Unknowns ! - YouTube
Your best thinking got you here as it did me. I was not always wrong... just wrong enough to get here. I need a new manager.
The truth is that the longer I'm around the saner I get. I have a long way to go but it keeps getting better. Saner means taking what I need... not what I want.
All the best
Bob R
Usually we let a couple of the girls in
As far as your best thinking, I believe it is summed up so any alcoholic can understand it here.
Donald Rumsfeld Unknown Unknowns ! - YouTube
Your best thinking got you here as it did me. I was not always wrong... just wrong enough to get here. I need a new manager.
The truth is that the longer I'm around the saner I get. I have a long way to go but it keeps getting better. Saner means taking what I need... not what I want.
All the best
Bob R
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Meeting face to face with a sponsor is like attending a meeting. Working the steps is like attending a meeting. If you are always at a meeting, when do you get to practice these principles in all of your affairs?
Meetings don't keep me sober. Working on my relationship with a higher power and some other things do help keep me sober.
Have a productive day!
Meetings don't keep me sober. Working on my relationship with a higher power and some other things do help keep me sober.
Have a productive day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I went to the meeting only to find myself in the worst mood. I didnt want to be there. I stayed though. I was half listening, half judging, half ready to walk the hell out. At the end, when we are all supposed to hold hands, I declined the hand holding and left. My space is rather funky and I don't need to be around others in this state. I called my sponsor and told her that "Im really mad right now." Why would I be this way???? Its a work in progress and one moment at a time. One breath. One moment. This too shall pass.
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