Anon92

To whom it may concern,

My name is Mike. I’m 20 years old and I live in California. Before I go straight to the question let me tell you a little about me. I am a drug addict. I have had to deal with a very troubling childhood that had left me very scared and scared of the world and people. I no longer trust people and I don’t allow myself to become close to anyone. Well for a while I was able to cope with this, but back in 2011, one of my closest friends crashed and died one night while I was in the hospital. We had been drinking in my room a couple hours earlier when I had gotten into a fight with him and broke my hand. I felt so guilty for his death and I completely blamed myself. This is were I really started hating myself and my life and I was purposely on a path of self destruction for I no longer wanted to live but could take my own life except through excessive drug use. A month later my parents went and divorced and I had caused so many problems for them that I felt guilty over that to. My main food for months to a year was just straight pills to try to numb myself from the pain I felt.

Well here I am in 2013 and I have been sense December of 2012. I have moved back into my dad’s house to aid me with my sobriety. Part of my dads rule though is to go to 30 NA classes, get a sponsor and get my 30 day chip. Unfortunately one of my largest problems is sharing the details of my life in person for it can become extremely personal for me, I become emotional and I tend to freeze up and my mind will just go blank.

Ok Here’s the Question:
Is there anyone on here who is reading my forum willing to become my sponsor? All I need is your phone number and my dad would like to receive a call from you every couple days just to make sure I’m doing ok with everything. I can be way more honest and open through someone I won’t be seeing on a daily business compared to someone ill be seeing everyday.

Thanks!!!!
Mike

bryangt

Just my opinion Mike...why not get a local face to face sponsor. You don't have to see them everyday. I see my sponsor like twice a week at meetings. I call him or another alcoholic friend when I feel I am in trouble or need to talk about problems. It is hard to trust early in recovery. Listen closely at NA or AA meeting and put your feelers out for a sponsor. You want somebody who you can 'click' with and they have what you want in recovery. As far as your fathers involvement with your sponsor, that may be awkward. Because what you share with your sponsor is between you & him. I have a friend who would not sponsor his own nephew because he knew his sister-in-law would be questioning him on his nephews progress and again, that is a bond or relationship that is between a sponsor & sponsee. Your sponsor you will find, will become your friend and confidant, and I believe that is a relationship you should have face to face rather than just a voice. Best of luck & hang in there...I admire your courage at getting clean at your age. Wish I had done so when I was your age.

Anon92

Hello Bryant thanks for your message. Time truly isn't on my side here. i am only going to be attending 30 NA classes which I have already done 16. I no longer have urges or even a want to do drugs at all because now that im sober and looking back and have a control on my emotions, I understand that that is a life i never want to live again. my biggest addiction im fighting right now is just quitting cigarettes. As to the face to face meeting, my problem is that I am extremely shy, and I get nervous talking to new people and or someone who knows a lot about me n most of the stuff he will know about me only I know. Im not looking to make myself uncomfortable im trying to help myself and at least show my dad that I no longer want to do drugs and that I understand what I did. It is pretty much impossible for me to open up and share my emotions with someone in person or someone I know i will run into. That's why im doing it this way

Anon92

also especially because some of my issues that I will share are extremely personal

ADDICTEDTOANADD

I am an addict and we LIE and MANIPULATE...sorry, but this sounds like that..u would be far better off w/someone who can look in the eye and pin point your ******** if needed. Also, someone who can aid u when u are having f....ed up thinking. Good luck

Anon92

Well someone like you should know from meetings is sure addicts lie and manipulate, but not one single addict is the same. We all have our different problems and my problem is opening up to someone and sharing my emotions. Even with my friends I have never shared my emotions in person it has always been through texts. I am not a liar nor a manipulator, that is one thing my dad has taught me very well. Im honestly looking for someone who is willing to help me with this. Some of my problems i will be sharing is enough to were if I shared it with someone in my class or who I run into I would then avoid at all costs for these problems with myself I am extremely ashamed of

doggonecarl

Seems to me you are looking for an loop hole to your dad's requirment to stay at his house. Why don't you get a local sponser, work the steps (that's what they are there to guide you through) and stay in NA until you've worked them all.

Then decide if you want to stop going to NA or not.

I think if your dad understood the program, he'd say the same thing.

Good luck.

Anon92

im not staying in NA past 30 days that's already decided. N no my dad really doesn't understand because he believes every addict is exactly the same.

ScottFromWI

Anon - it's not supposed to be comfortable getting sober, and it doesn't generally happen in just 30 days. What's your plan once the 30th day is up even if you do find a "virtual" sponsor?

Anon92

Once I finish my 30 day of my NA class, I will then get my car back, my dad will start paying me at work, im going to start college and I will have my life back.

Anon92

Like ive said, and its ok if u dont believe me its ur right, but my problem honestly wasnt drugs. Ya I became a drug addict but what lead me to that was my emotions and feelings were out of control. I turned to drugs to escape my problems. In that span of time i got kicked out n I was on the streets all by myself and that was more eye opening than anything else, even waking up in the hospital after a overdose. I dont want to be a drag on the system, I want a family, I want a job and most importantly I want to be happy and I know drugs will make it to were i would not be able to get any of that

ScottFromWI

I meant what is your plan to keep sober once you finish your 30th meeting? NA/AA isn't an instant cure that just sends you on your way after some magic threshold. Most folks keep using whatever recovery method they find for the rest of their lives.

Anon92

Sinse ive moved back in with my dad I have avoided all my old friends that are druggies. I constantly keep myself busy and occupied. i honestly want nothing more to do with drugs. Like ive said, and its ok if u dont believe me its ur right, but my problem honestly wasnt drugs. Ya I became a drug addict but what lead me to that was my emotions and feelings were out of control. I turned to drugs to escape my problems. In that span of time i got kicked out n I was on the streets all by myself and that was more eye opening than anything else, even waking up in the hospital after a overdose. I dont want to be a drag on the system, I want a family, I want a job and most importantly I want to be happy and I know drugs will make it to were i would not be able to get any of that

ScottFromWI

Whether or not I believe you is irrelevant. Turning to drugs to escape your problems, living on the street because of drugs and ending up in the hospital because of an overdose are pretty clear signs of a drug problem.

Do you think your friends and the drugs will dissapear after 30 days too? They are all out there just waiting for you to come back. Once you have your car and money, you'll be free to seek those things again. And you will - addicts always do - and we are all addicts here so we know exactly how it works.

If you are simply looking for someone to tell your dad what you want him to hear for a couple weeks you are in the wrong place. If you are here to give up drugs and get help for that it is the right place to be, there is a lot of support. But you need to make that decision for yourself.

Anon92

by me coming here is searching for help. And how is it considered a drug problem when my goal wasn't to get high, but was to escape my feelings and slowly kill myself?? I have a therapist and even she agrees it wasn't so much the drugs but the situation i was in and what I wanted to do to myself. I suffer from add, when not treated I become extremely depressed. For the longest time I didn't know how to deal with it so I turned to drugs, but I no longer need to turn to drugs to deal with it

bigsombrero

Anon I have been there and thought the way you did. After a lot of arguing I went to treatment and meetings in person. It worked.

Right now you don't seem to care if it works, you just want to check this item off your list to get your dad off your back. Sounds like the big picture is a bit more complicated than that. Good luck, but I vote for seeing someone in person. It'll show a lot of maturity for you to try it - you'll impress your dad way more than just getting someone's phone number off the internet.

ScottFromWI

The first step in AA or NA is to admit that you are powerless over drugs or alcohol - I'm not in AA and i'm even aware of that. And you are clearly stating that you don't think you have a drug problem in several of your posts. How can a sponsor ( whether in person or virtual ) honestly help you if you can't even commit to the first step? And what do you expect them to tell your father? NA and AA is all about honestly, so they aren't going to lie for you. If you want help, you have to be honest and willing to accept it.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Mike

You're getting some good advice here - it would be great if all we had to do was work on the problem for 30 days then never worry about it again, but thats not the case for most of us here.

A sponsors job is to work with you and guide you through the 12 steps of NA - he's not a guidance counsellor or probation officer who can ring your dad and reassure him that everything's ok.

my advice is go to real life meetings. You won't be the only one there with social anxiety or really personal stuff.

Get a feel for what NA is about, and find a sponsor there.

You're driving so I assume you're over 18 and an adult?

Like Carl says, after 30 days, you'll be able to make up your own mind.

D

bryangt

Hello again Anon---again just my opinion here. My drug of choice was alcohol ( I did use drugs also)..I went to AA, stopped drinking then thought I had the problem licked. So I slacked off on meetings, then no meetings and I went back out again. We take our will & pride back think we have the problem licked. This happened twice for me. This time, I KNOW I NEED the meetings. I need the fellowship--that is my new medicine. Like I said previously, by listening at meetings, you should be able to find someone you can relate to & end up feeling comfortable with. MY current sponsor is so unlike me however--but my first sponsor, I still stay in touch with because we had so much in common & became friends. But he is 5 hours away now, so I had to get another sponsor locally. But I also 'lean' on other people I feel a common bond with. You don't just have to have 1 sponsor...you will make friends in the rooms. It may take time if you are untrusting as you say etc....but honestly, if you stop going to meetings, let your guard down, the addiction is out there at the end of your driveway waiting for you...honest.

bryangt

"To thy own self, be true"