lamusica

Hello everyone, I'm writing from Afghanistan. I have been an alcoholic for 8 years, since I came home from my first deployment. I went to rehab, went to AA, attempted suicide and freaked out my family, ruined my marriage. Nothing, no "rock bottom" could make me quit. So I volunteered for this deployment for a year of no-options sobriety. We are not allowed to drink here, and would be in huge trouble if caught, so... I have been sober since July 13, 2012. I feel pretty good. I have to find stuff to do when I'm bored, boredom usually meant I would get drunk. I have found ways to deal with stress, loss, anger, sadness, all of these would lead me to drink. I think I've grown a lot, but I go home in June. What will I do as a free woman? I will have 11 months sober, but the safeties will be gone. I can just go to the store and buy. Will I resist the urge? I have a 12 year old daughter who has suffered because of my disease. I just want to go home and be a better mother. I want to be healthy. I want to be happy. Can I be normal?

Fandy

Welcome and thank you for all that you do. You have courage i cannot imagine.
When you go home you will have to reaclimate to civilian life?
Nursing is an excellent career, maybe throw yourself into a meaningful job that provides a fantastic life for your family?
Read around all the threads, maybe the secular section will help your mindset?

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Lamusica

I have to say, if you have been through all of that then you are completely capable of staying sober of your own volition. Have some faith in yourself, you can do this. That said though, there is no reason why you can't put some 'safeties' in place yourself. Could you commit to posting here daily, or going to AA meetings, or doing something else that is an imposed commitment. Glad you're here x

Dee74

hi lamusica

I think most of us worry about what we'll be like out there in the sober world.

The good news is there is support, both here and elsewhere, to help - noone needs to do this alone.

If we can do it, I'm sure you can too

Welcome aboard

D

Anna

Welcome,

I think you will find ways to integrate into your old life. You have clearly learned lots of ways to deal with stress and to help yourself feel good during the last months. And, you have the bonus of reuniting with your daughter who is going to need to a sober Mom in her life. You can do this.

fantail

You can definitely be normal.

Reading your post, the vibe I get from you is "I've been sober for months and months, but I didn't really do that... it was a requirement of my circumstances so who knows what will happen when I leave."

But I read it and my (civilian) reaction is, "Holy ****, this woman volunteered to literally go to war in order to stop drinking. That is one tough as nails lady."

Definitely it will be an adjustment... but I think by framing it to yourself as something that was done for you, rather than a decision of your own, you unfairly set yourself up for more self-doubt than you deserve. You did this, it wasn't easy, but you meant business and made it happen. And now you're going back with a fresh slate, a chance to develop totally new routines and patterns, and all the early withdrawal stuff will be behind you.

That's awesome!

renaldo

Yup. It's like letting a kid loose in a candy store with pocket change.

Your story is touching. In my case I went to the arctic wilderness where I couldn't get my hands on alcohol. But I went there because it's beautiful and as soon as I came back to the U.S. I drank again. It's so cheap compared to the arctic.

I continued to think about it while trudging around, but I had to keep my wits about me and I had plenty of scenery to distract me, so it was just passing thoughts.

Heavily taxing alcohol and tobacco doesn't seem to stop people from resorting to them. I just couldn't justify paying that much for weak beer, but I did anyway when I returned to civilization. That was before returning to the U.S. In fact, I got drunk. I usually don't go for that, but they party down there, so I didn't want to be a spoiled sport. Yeah, I know... excuses.

fallingtogether

Hi! Thank you for your service! I sense that you may already be planning a relapse. Since you said you have been to aa, I assume you read the big book. If you remember the story of the guy who quit drinking until he retired, he quit for something like 25 years. As soon as he retired, he picked up drinking again, and was dead in 4 years. This disease we have is patient. It will wait for us, but it also is progressive and the next time could be the last time. Congrats on your sobriety this far! Stay focused on keeping yourself healthy and don't forget why you volunteered to go to war. Why did you need to escape te wrath of alcohol. Remember this feelings, and work a program so you never have to feel that way again

2granddaughters

I am an extreme psyche ward suicide attempt(s) alky myself and the only thing that worked for me was a complete commitment to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Committed, not involved. Like a bacon & egg breakfast... the chicken is involved and the pig is committed.

My alcoholism is very simply described in the last 3 lines of AA's HOW IT WORKS ....

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.

Seek out the AA oldtimers when you get back to meetings. They will guide you home.

All the best.

Bob R

LDT

Thank you and God Bless you for your service, lamusica ( I love your user name). You can be all that you desire to be....happy, healthy, a good mother....all of it. I know that because it all happened for me.. Normal? Well, I think "normal" is overrated anyway