Mirage74

I am on day one of sobriety...again. I must have tried to quit at least 50 times in the past, and I just can't seem to make it stick. This is the hardest time for me, at night, starting about 6-7PM. It's amazing, every morning, after a night of drinking, I swear to myself I will never drink again. And I truly mean it. The hangovers, the guilt. But by 5PM that same day, after the hangover has gone and I feel better, all I want to do is do it all over again. It's like I don't even remember how bad I felt just 12 hours earlier. And the number of times Ive said to myself, "Oh, Ill quit tomorrow". There's always an excuse. Well today I decided I can't do it anymore. Alcohol is wrecking my life, but I'll be honest, I still enjoy it - I just hate the consequences. It's really the only thing I enjoy anymore.

I just joined the forum and I wanted to post. I've been to AA meetings but I don't really feel comfortable opening up in there. I think I am just so full of shame. I am also struggling tonight. I can't even seem to make it though one night anymore without drinking. Even as Im typing this all I want to do is go to the store. Anyway, I just wanted to post this, hopefully some of you can relate to this. Thx

Dee74

Hi Mirage - welcome

Have SR here - being part of a community, finding support and staying accountable to that community really helped me.

I found it much much harder to say 'oh what the hell, I'll drink' when you have a place like this to call on.

I hope you'll find the same applies for you too

D

Nonsensical

I can relate. My wife used to say I was like 2 different people. In the morning I'd be pouring out whatever was left of my booze and pledging to stop drinking for a while - maybe forever. On the way to work I'd be scolding myself in the car. "idiot! what is wrong with you? Just stop already!"

Some times I'd last a day, but usually not. Usually on the way home from work I'd be stopping at a store to buy something.

I tried AA several times. Been to at least a hundred meetings. It wasn't a good fit for me.

Welcome to SR. I found some answers here. Read around at the various forums. There are many paths to sobriety. Yours is here somewhere!

Hevyn

Yes, most of us will relate, Mirage. Welcome to the family.

I did the same sort of thing for many years, but I finally figured out that trying to control the amounts I drank never worked. I was determined to not let go of it so I could have a few once in awhile. I tried everything - summoned up all the willpower I had - and I never once kept my promises to myself. Finally admitting I could never touch it is what made me free. You can do it, too. We're glad you are here.

OCDDan

It is hard sometimes Mirage, I used to feel the same way, by 5pm i was ready to drink again, more recently it's been when i wake up i feel like drinking again just to make the gremlins go away, but then five days a week i have to work, or at least try. things have improved lately because i've noticed real physical symptoms that i really don't want to get worse.

Bigndfan175

AA works for millions and you're not alone in your feelings.

I've been to AA meetings but I don't really feel comfortable opening up in there

The good news is you don't have to open up to a lot of people, just go to some speaker meetings listen for the similarities in stories and take solace that the room is full of people, like you, who want to stay sober. Ask them what works what doesn't. You don't have to open up your mouth just your ears. :-)

Mirage74

Thanks everyone for replying and welcoming me. It is about an hour later since I posted and I haven't started drinking, so that's a plus! Getting that off my chest really helped. It's like I've been carrying aound this dark secret. I realize I have to start telling on myself. Thanks again

Bigndfan175

I've been in and out of AA for 12 years, I'm working on day 97 now, all I know is that there are some days when I tell myself :" Just make it til 11AM without drinking....Just make it til 1pm without drinking....just make it til 1:30pm without drinking"

Someone once told me eat something sweet. I do know from my own experience that once on Naltrexone the cravings and obsession left me. Once I stopped taking the meds I was back to drinking daily.

Someone posted this and its a real eye opener

Drugged - High On Alcohol - YouTube

chanty

Hi Mirage, how are you doing, still hanging in there? I know exactly how you feel. I am on day 3 now(again) posting on here is really helping me. Try to stay strong and say no to that little voice.

artsoul

Welcome mirage!

You described the last days of my drinking perfectly...... It was like reliving the same day over and over again (except that the hangovers kept getting worse). Until I came here, no one knew the battle I was fighting and it was such a relief to finally admit I couldn't do it anymore.

The support here really helped me turn things around and I know it can be the same for you. Glad you're here!!