WithoutFear

Dear Everybody:

Hello and thanks to each of you for your stories and courage to help me through.

I have a question about a sponsor: How do we choose? What is the role of the sponsor? Like any relationship in life, what if the choice is a wrong one? I would be most appreciative for all of your sponsor suggestions, stories, and guidance.

Thanks much!

LexieCat

A sponsor is sort of a mentor, but his/her (best to choose someone of the same sex) job is to guide you through the Steps. Sometimes sponsors become friends, but they don't need to be.

The traditional advice for finding a sponsor goes like this: choose someone who

• "has what you want"--has good sobriety and seems to be happy with it
• has a sponsor him/herself--most people have a sponsor as long as they are in AA
• has worked the Steps him/herself, or at least is way ahead of where you are--people who aren't done working the Steps can rely on their own sponsors for guidance, and you may have to switch sponsors if you get ahead of yours

Sometimes, for various reasons, the first person you work with will not work out for one reason or another. It happens. Either person should feel free to suggest that a different sponsor might be better able to give you the guidance you need.

It's a good idea, early on, to sit down and discuss with your prospective sponsor what you expect of each other. Some will want a newcomer sponsee to call every day for a while. That gets you in the habit of using the phone. It doesn't mean you have to call every day for the rest of your life.

Sponsors aren't therapists or counselors. They are just sober alcoholics who have learned to apply the Steps in their daily lives to live sober happily, and are happy to pass that along to someone else.

If you ask someone and that person can't do it, for whatever reason, don't take it personally. If it's someone you respect, you might ask if they have suggestions about someone else you might ask.

jennikate

Lexie pretty much summed it up. It can be a little intimidating at first; almost like asking someone out on a date. However, most sponsors start out "temporary" and are not always the one you end up with. I agree with sitting down together first. Some people's idea of sponsorship is different than others.
How to get one? You can ask the secretary for recommendations, watch and wait for the right person, or simply raise your hand at the meeting. I would advise getting one sooner rather than later.

peanut44

I got lucky with my sponsor. I went to a couple of meetings and got some phone numbers, met a lady, told her my story......completely and she was my sponsor for over a year!!

I learned alot from her!! She helped me with my steps, gave me a ton of really good books to read and listened to my rants almost daily in the beginning.

It was a great experience!!=)

Natom

A sponsor isn't a babysitter. They won't mollycoddle you through the process of recovery. Instead they will guide you with experience and support. And sometimes they tell you specifically not to do things. 99% of the time this advice is golden. I chose my sponsor because he sits there with a serene glow about him. He's a lot older than I am. Has a great deal of experience and clean time and lives the program.

Natom.

sugarbear1

There is an AA Sponsorship Pamphlet available--maybe a meeting you attend has one

LexieCat

Here's a link to the PDF of the pamphlet: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship.