Maples Tale
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Washington, Captiol City
Posts: 70
Maples, still hanging on tight? So glad to hear you found such trust in your mentor. Takes a lot to get the gull to ask that question (sponsorship), but I'm so glad you did.
Let us know how goes it friend.
Let us know how goes it friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by JungleGirl 
don't beat yourself up too much maples. Just start again from this moment. You can do it 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Originally Posted by Maples
I am traveling for work. I told my mentor I would find meetings here, but I haven't. I will look tonight for one.
So unhappy with myself.
So unhappy with myself.
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Hang in there maples. The most important thing you need is the desire to quit. You have that. You had one slip, but you're on a good run. You're on the right track. Keep it up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 189
For those of you not in North America, there is a big storm coming today. I called my sponsor, he asked what I would do. I didn't have an answer. He asked if I might screw up. I said yes. He said then don't stay there. Come to my house. I am going to his house tonight. He has a wife and 2 teenage kids. I am soooo scared. Scared that this was the right decision, scared that they are taking me in, scared that I need it more than anything else in my life. Crying right now thinking about it. I cannot for the life of me understand why he did this for me despite me needing it so very much...
I hope someday I am worth it.
I hope someday I am worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
He did this for you because he cares about you.
If you lived near me and you were scared, I would come get you, make you stay in my house, feed you, give you a bed to sleep in, company.
I care very much about you.
We all care about you here.
People that understand the struggles alcohol presents to us, want to help, want to make things better. I hate seeing someone unhappy because of drink. I will do all I can to make it right, to make them happier.
You have still come a really, really long way Maples.
When I first met you I was screaming in encouragement at my computer that you would do inside the meeting.
Now look at you, your staying at your sponsors house with his family.
He must also think really, really highly of you to welcome you into his home.
Please keep safe Maples.
If you lived near me and you were scared, I would come get you, make you stay in my house, feed you, give you a bed to sleep in, company.
I care very much about you.
We all care about you here.
People that understand the struggles alcohol presents to us, want to help, want to make things better. I hate seeing someone unhappy because of drink. I will do all I can to make it right, to make them happier.
You have still come a really, really long way Maples.
When I first met you I was screaming in encouragement at my computer that you would do inside the meeting.
Now look at you, your staying at your sponsors house with his family.
He must also think really, really highly of you to welcome you into his home.
Please keep safe Maples.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Washington, Captiol City
Posts: 70
I think its safe to assume your sponsor had been where you are. Maybe his sponsor did the same for him at one time or another. Great job taking responsibility for your soberity and making that call. You have come a long way in a short time. I feel great for you. Just thnk of all the snowmen and snowballs you can make. Maybe its time to haul out the old sled and make a few runs downhill. Anything to keep your mind away from that dark place. keep posting. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: ma
Posts: 242
Originally Posted by Maples
Hi folks, today begins day 7. This is the first full week I have been sober in literally years. I have gotten through 3,4,5 days, but never a full Mon > Sun.
Last night I went out to dinner with my GF and met her best friend + best friend's fiance. About 6 or 7 years ago, being in a restaurant while sober was the bane of my existence. I had severe social anxiety, and other people watching me eat was very painful. My hands would shake, not from booze (my abuse was just beginning then), but from pure nervousness of being in public. I always tried to convince people to find restaurants that had big booths, so I could hide from the other patrons. It led me to a lot of discomfort, and then self medicated alcohol abuse to hide my self loathing later on.
Last night went very, very well. The 3 of them split a bottle of wine, I drank ice water the whole meal. The restaurant was a tiny little hole in the wall place in Brookline that was very hard to get into. We had to make reservations days in advance. The atmosphere was crowded, hot, loud, within close proximity of other customers, and the meal took about 2 hours. All triggers for my anxiety, I would have been miserable several years ago. I would have been miserable 4 days ago! I did fine. I have been taking anxiety medication for a few years, and it seems when you stop drinking it actually helps. (of course it does!). However, the end of the night brought me back to reality. Driving home went straight through the city and my irritability really slammed into me. I was so angry with the lights, the traffic, the potholes, and how long it took. It was uncanny. (deep breaths)
Anyway, this morning my mentor picked me up at 8am and we went to a meeting. He has been talking to me about getting to this meeting since Wed, as it has very powerful speakers. If you don't get there by 8:30, you will be standing. We got there at 8:15 and grabbed 2 seats 4 rows back in the direct center so we could see and hear perfectly. At 8:50 I look around and am stunned that there are people crowded into doorways, standing outside in the hall, piled up everywhere. Probably 200-250 people in total. HUGE for a 1 hour meeting, I am thinking.
The meeting starts. There were 4 speakers, each with ~15 minutes. I won't go into detail about each of their speeches, but suffice to say that these 4 were incredible human beings. 2 of them spent about 10 years in prison, 1 of them was my mentor's godmother. There was solemn understanding as they brought us to their low points, there was roaring laughter at the jokes - one of them was particularly good at working them into his story - there were tears during the tales of recovery. It was incredible. One of the women who spoke related her AV to Gollum battling Smeagol in the Lord of the Rings movie. Not only an effective comparison, but it got the room worked up into a laughing frenzy as she explained it and immitated it.
I took notes, and found a lot of very good lessons in what they told me. Things to relate to and things I learned.
- how some of us hated seeing the sun come up.
- how we are unavailable to show up for important events.
- how succumbing to the addiction makes us feel dirty.
- how recovery will allow us to begin taking healthy risks and how we need those risks.
etc...
I'm overwhelmed.
Tomorrow will be Monday > Monday for me. I return to the beginners meeting where I started last week, where I walked in as low as I have ever been in my life. I cannot wait to walk in that door and show them someone who is not sweating, shaking, stinking, crying, and pleading for help. I still need a ton of help, but I feel I am getting it. I saw several members who saw me in that terrible state this morning, they all told me I looked so much better. It made me beam from ear to ear.
Still battling sleep issues, but off to the gym and then to a sober super bowl party. Have a great day folks.
Last night I went out to dinner with my GF and met her best friend + best friend's fiance. About 6 or 7 years ago, being in a restaurant while sober was the bane of my existence. I had severe social anxiety, and other people watching me eat was very painful. My hands would shake, not from booze (my abuse was just beginning then), but from pure nervousness of being in public. I always tried to convince people to find restaurants that had big booths, so I could hide from the other patrons. It led me to a lot of discomfort, and then self medicated alcohol abuse to hide my self loathing later on.
Last night went very, very well. The 3 of them split a bottle of wine, I drank ice water the whole meal. The restaurant was a tiny little hole in the wall place in Brookline that was very hard to get into. We had to make reservations days in advance. The atmosphere was crowded, hot, loud, within close proximity of other customers, and the meal took about 2 hours. All triggers for my anxiety, I would have been miserable several years ago. I would have been miserable 4 days ago! I did fine. I have been taking anxiety medication for a few years, and it seems when you stop drinking it actually helps. (of course it does!). However, the end of the night brought me back to reality. Driving home went straight through the city and my irritability really slammed into me. I was so angry with the lights, the traffic, the potholes, and how long it took. It was uncanny. (deep breaths)
Anyway, this morning my mentor picked me up at 8am and we went to a meeting. He has been talking to me about getting to this meeting since Wed, as it has very powerful speakers. If you don't get there by 8:30, you will be standing. We got there at 8:15 and grabbed 2 seats 4 rows back in the direct center so we could see and hear perfectly. At 8:50 I look around and am stunned that there are people crowded into doorways, standing outside in the hall, piled up everywhere. Probably 200-250 people in total. HUGE for a 1 hour meeting, I am thinking.
The meeting starts. There were 4 speakers, each with ~15 minutes. I won't go into detail about each of their speeches, but suffice to say that these 4 were incredible human beings. 2 of them spent about 10 years in prison, 1 of them was my mentor's godmother. There was solemn understanding as they brought us to their low points, there was roaring laughter at the jokes - one of them was particularly good at working them into his story - there were tears during the tales of recovery. It was incredible. One of the women who spoke related her AV to Gollum battling Smeagol in the Lord of the Rings movie. Not only an effective comparison, but it got the room worked up into a laughing frenzy as she explained it and immitated it.
I took notes, and found a lot of very good lessons in what they told me. Things to relate to and things I learned.
- how some of us hated seeing the sun come up.
- how we are unavailable to show up for important events.
- how succumbing to the addiction makes us feel dirty.
- how recovery will allow us to begin taking healthy risks and how we need those risks.
etc...
I'm overwhelmed.
Tomorrow will be Monday > Monday for me. I return to the beginners meeting where I started last week, where I walked in as low as I have ever been in my life. I cannot wait to walk in that door and show them someone who is not sweating, shaking, stinking, crying, and pleading for help. I still need a ton of help, but I feel I am getting it. I saw several members who saw me in that terrible state this morning, they all told me I looked so much better. It made me beam from ear to ear.
Still battling sleep issues, but off to the gym and then to a sober super bowl party. Have a great day folks.
Alcohol and addiction make us people we were never supposed to be. The good thing is you can change that. The only time its too late to change is when we are gone.
I'm in Ma also and the storm is testing me tremendously. I am glad you now have a plan. Keep your chin up!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: ma
Posts: 242
Originally Posted by Received
I understand you're unhappy with yourself. I would think that is to be expected. I mean it would be totally weird if you were feeling all happy, joyous and free about drinking last night, right? But last night is not today. Today is an amazing opportunity for sobriety.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
