Cc77

Hi I've been sober for 29 days and feel so lonely. All of tge friends that I have had for the last year, including my boyfriend, have just abandoned me since I got sober. They all drink daily, I don't think they are true alcoholics, they don't want to be around me. I feel that they are really uncomfortable around me now. I feel like a school girl with no friends. I am 41 years old. Anyone have any experience with abandonment??

avocado

My friends didn't abandon me, but my social life consisted of going to dive bars and getting drunk with 'acquaintances' who were really just the other dopes drinking their lives away. I don't really have that many friends that I would actually call up and hang out with, but I have a few. Unfortunately, they live a good 45 minute drive away from where I'm staying with my parents. I use the internet as my way of not feeling too 'lonely'.

trachemys

Over the past ten years I've been slowly ridding myself of drinkers and substance users until the only one left to get rid of was me. Done.

I was really glad to find this place. There are more people here trying to keep my alive and healthy than I ever had in my life.

I'll make new acquaintances and new friends. And they'll be healthy relationships.

Anna

I'm sorry your friends have abandoned you. I know that early recovery takes a lot of changes and some of them are really hard.

Have you tried suggesting doing things like meeting for coffee with your friends? Maybe there are new activities that you can get involved in where you can meet new people? Volunteer work is always a good idea.

ABIDEBYLAW

Better to be sober and find new friends
Better to be on your own or to find a boyfriend that does not abandon you so easily. He obviously only cared for you when he and you were drunk. Adios to him.
I would be overly joyous with losing that crowd.....
Congratulations!

LDT

Welcome, from a fellow Louisianan ( not too far from you, actually). I love our state, but it does have a fairly strong drinking culture. It was hard for me in the early days. I, too, was lonely. That's actually how I came across this site...,I was looking for other sober friends. Early recovery takes a lot of courage. It's not easy. But it's so worth it.

FeenixxRising

Personally I enjoy being alone. It's not that I don't like people, I do, but being alone doesn't bother me. I have things to keep me busy, and staying sober is the important thing. It will probably take you awhile to find a new way of fitting in, whether it be with your old friends or new friends. So give it time and try to find something you enjoy doing when alone.

Also, if you're "friends" abandoned you then maybe they weren't really friends to begin with. Maybe they were just acquaintances you drank with?

hope22

CC77 congratulations on 29 days that's wonderful! I'm around the same age and have about the same amount of sobriety. Its a big adjustment so give yourself some time. I have been doing things as Anna suggested, going for coffee or lunch with my "drinking" friends. Is there a hobby or something that interests you? joining a club may help, or just hang out here on SR. Your not alone

least

I live alone and am often lonely. When I get lonely I come here to be with my friends. Maybe not 'in person' friends, but friends all the same.

I agree that your bf and "friends" aren't really your friends at all. Best to find new ones. Volunteering can help find friends and occupy your time with something useful.

SoberKat9

One of the best things in life is - you can always meet new people and make new friends.

That said, in my experience my true friends like the sober me better. They don't care if I drink. While some friends may feel uncomfortable in the sense of "don't want to flaunt it in your face" I just told them that I will decide if the situation is too uncomfortable for me. If I know the goal of the event is to be a drunk vest, at this point in sobriety I would decline (only at day 32). Maybe later I'll be stronger. But for awhile I was concerned about being left out of things because of the above. Now my friends know to continue to invite and let me decide.

If your friends only want to hang out with you when you're drinking, they aren't true friends. And if all they want to do is drink, maybe they have problems of their own.

I've definitely felt the loneliness though. Prior to my recent relapse I was sober for a year and a half and I felt lonely at times in social situations when I was the only non-drinker. But at least then I remembered everything I did that night when I got home.

It's hard. There are a lot of great people on this board that you can reach out to when ou're lonely :-)

2granddaughters

I find great fellowship in AA. There are meetings every day and I'm only lonely when I chose to be.

I wish you the best Cc77.

Bob R

CaiHong

I think this is an important topic to bring up especially for people who are new to sobriety and struggling with friendships or lack thereof.

I always felt out of place around people and I thought drinking helped me to relax and fit in better. My perception.
Two years on I still don't have a lot of friends but I can socialize much better and don't need drink to do that. I actually like to do things with people as opposed to sitting over coffee and chatting. I am looking forward to an upcoming project where there will be a focus for like minded people, gardening,
Think of something you like doing and find a group that you can interact with.

Volunteering is an excellent suggestion.

What are your interests?

CaiHong

JenEss

AA offers amazing fellowship to me as well. I have developed unbelievably strong connections and friendships with solid women in the program. The relationships I have with them are more intimate, honest and sincere than any friendships I've ever had in my life.
Every time I tried to quit on my own without the support of AA, it was very lonely and I always ended up going back to the bottle.

Best of luck to you!!

canguy

I've wondering about a separate thread for those of us who are doing it on our own. I read all the posts with people talking about their partners and families offering support and incentive to get off.....it seems a world away from where those of us who have lost partners and families find ourselves.

I think it is much harder to do it on your own....on the other hand you really are doing it for yourself and not to keep something together with another person.....

Cc77

Wow I want to say thank you to everyone for all the support!!! I would rather be on this site on a Friday night, rather than at some cookout trying to act like I don't want to drink. Loneliness is horrible but so is a lonely death from alcohol abuse! Thank you too everyone.. I like it here!!!! I think I'm gonna stay awhile!!!!

Wastinglife

I certainly feel lonely in sobriety. Right now I am sitting home alone and the young guys in the apartment next door are having a party. I can hear laughter and sounds of cheer which really add to my feelings of isolation. I used to be the person having gatherings on Friday night. Although, the last few years I was drinking alone anyway so it's not like being drunk would solve any loneliness issues.

Cc77

Wastinglife you are right about that! I don't want to drink I just want to feel good. The people that I hung out with would drink. I only started drinking in the last two months of ten months that I was around them. So most of the time I was sober... Well actually a dry drunk. Anyway if it helps I am alone too...

CaiHong

I don't have a partner or get real support from my family. I do have a sponsor and SR though and that is helping me to live a fulfilling sober life.

I am not convinced that everyone is having the great time that you think they are. parties for me could only be endured if I was drinking otherwise it was work.

CaiHong

Cc77

Yes Caihong, when I really sit and think about it, those parties were very stressful for me! I do believe that they would NOT be having such a great time if they were sober. Everything that they do is another reason to drink.. I'm glad to know that I am not alone..

LadyinBC

Yes, I get lonely, however, I would rather be lonely and sober rather an surround myself with people who will only sabatoge my sobriety. I dont hang out with any of the friends I drank with, I'm not putting myself thru that stress.