xuse

I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar among other things but have been in denial for years about my mental state.when I was 10 or so I was dignosed ADHD some 25 years ago .Two years later @12 I was admitted to a Psych ward for 16 days for sitting in the middle of the rd and refusing to move .Already had a problem with authority at school,getting in fights ect.Anyway went through all kinds of test don't really no if the diagnosis but was put on lithium.It which turned me into a zombie and my mom up and moved us two states to where my aunt lived. Off medication to this day I have never been back on or even told a Dr about my childhood . My grandfather was an alkie and had mental illness .My real dad died when I was two weeks old he was 23 don't no much about him he died in a single car wreck drunk . His family never had anything to do with us I have an alcoholic brother 2 years older but that's a whole nother story.I was always popular in school always had friends gf ect. Note my mom has mental issues mostly depression . So at 17 my grandma passed which I loved dearly and we moved back to Ga. This is where and when I wrapped all emotions up inside me and my love affair with alcohol began no serous dating no nothing but partying and drinking for 10 straight years .then something happened I feel in love got married to my wife who already had 4 year old twins boys born at 26weeks with some health problems today at 14 they are so much like me I hate it. Anyway fast forward 3years birth of my baby girl . Keep in mind binge drinking whenever I could get away with it . I have always been a father ,coach and so many other things for my children but very hard on them in sports and school. Now about 4 years ago started noticing my vision was off so I got my eys checked thought new glasses maybe diabetes .No I have an eye disease within a year could no longer drive had to leave my job which was driving a gas truck because Im legally blind note my son Dustin is also Im his stepdad no genetics there. All while drinking. Three months later my grandfather whom I was very close passed .wife says time to go to the dr yay . Got antideprsents which I felt worse on found liver enzymes are lil elevated had all hep test ,autoimmune ultrasound ct with contrast ,endoscopy to check for god knows what nothing found I quit six months numbers went normal .gave me ambiem to sleep went on my way .Left this site thought all was good bam people started dyeing and getting sick we were close to .I start drinking .Found out before school started my daughter already has a hole in her retina and has the same eye disease as me and so on .ive had anger issues drinking plenty done all sorts of things I'm not proud of .im up and down way down all the time I've never noticed just thought I was I'll tempered.On top one day and not wanting to get out of bed the next anyways this is where I am it's a start. Thinking of some sort of inpatient alcohol and mental health treatment. Sorry for the length ,punctuation , and format of this its my add alcoholic blindness that's what I'll blame it on.

xuse

Time to try to sleep a little

xuse

Wow no feedback

LexieCat

I think a mental health/addiction program sounds GREAT. I know some people who were really struggling until they got into a program like that that addressed ALL the problems they had, not just one or the other. They got balanced out, and then were able to finally succeed with their recovery.

Have you found one that you think sounds good?

ru12

I'm sorry for all the thing happening in your life. I found that my ability to cope with life's tragedies increased once I stopped drinking.

Delilah1

Hi Xuse,

Sounds like you have a lot going on, glad you came back to SR. I think an inpatient program might be a great start to help you get a sober foundation, and to help with some of the underlying issues.

There are always going to be stressors in life, and sometimes it seems like they all hit at once, which it seems like has happened to you a few times. Drinking won't help the problems go away, they will still be there and then you are dealing with them with a hangover.

Call the doctor today and try to get in to see someone. If you are feeling really bad go to the ER. Let us know how you are doing later.

xuse

Thanks y'all for responding it took alot to even get some of that to the surface and when noone responded i cant help it im needy right now I need people to hear me right now I sat back all my life and tucked the pain and problems below thats all I know I've always just shrugged it off whatever life threw me .Give me another beer I'm alright and you no sometimes I am alot of times im not .I m smart enough to no life aint easy and it work i lnow by reading here lots of folks have real hard lives. Im rambling again .went to my lil girls bb game then Steak 'n Shake it helped .

LexieCat

Going to the game and out for something to eat was a great way to deal with this rather than sitting around stewing, waiting for someone to respond. You may have hit on what is missing in your recovery (the dual recovery, that is, not the Steak & Shake )

I think it's definitely worth pursuing. Keep us posted on how you make out.

scottydee1946

Sounds like you are in a rapid cycling mode (mania). Dual diagnosis (substance abuse/mental illness) is terribly difficult to treat, but it can be IF you find the right doctor and meds. If your current doc is not improving the quality of your life, find another.