lazybum

So I'm 34, divorced since '07 (was married 2 years, no kids), haven't had a job that paid squat since May of 2010, been living solely off my retirement account for the last year (now half what it was), been smoking weed almost every day (usually multiple times a day) for 3+ years, been snorting & smoking coke occasionally for the last year, about once a weekend I drink beer too. I'm sick of feeling like everything is too tough or has no purpose, like a lazy bum (hence my sn). I have an appointment set with a psychiatrist in 3 weeks, outside of that I don't know what to do. There is a history of depression/anxiety in my family and I'm certain that's a huge part of what I'm dealing with. I tried counseling & a psychiatrist a few years ago, but I couldn't find a med that didn't have unacceptable side-effects, so I gave up on that route. Now I feel like I can't keep living this way for much longer but I'm not sure what steps to take to get back to being a productive member of society. I feel like a loser and I don't like it.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Lazybum

I can sympathise with what you said. Due to emotional circumstances I found myself with nothing to do for a year once, I have never been so depressed. I used to say to myself, 'just do one useful thing each day'. It could be something small like going food shopping or paying a bill. I wasn't functioning very well back then, and I was drinking too.

That would probably be the best thing to concentrate on for now, getting help to be sober/drug free. That isn't going to help motivate you, especially the weed. Then just work on doing small things to help yourself, maybe go see a career advisor, start volunteering... anything that will help you build your self esteem. Just push yourself a little outside of your comfort zone and eventually things will start getting better. There's no rush and you can start with tiny tiny things but doing something, anything will help things start moving forwards.

Glad you're here x

least

You'll find lots of support and useful info here. I hope your visit with the shrink goes well and you can find treatment (meds or counseling or both) that helps. Just getting sober helped me a lot, tho it also allowed my anti-D's to work as they should.

I wish you the best on your journey to a better sober life. :ghug3

lazybum

That's totally where I'm at now, I don't want to do anything unless its absolutely necessary, like grocery shopping...I wait till I'm completely out of food and HAVE to go. That mentality has taken over every aspect of my life. I did get a few days of relief last month when I went out of town on a vacation. I felt so much better while gone and when I got home, but that lasted maybe a week & I was back to being depressed & using again. Makes me feel like I should get the hell outta here to fix this, but I know running from your problems won't fix them. Plus all my family are here so I don't think I could move away for very long anyway.

edit: forgot to mention I have tried a couple times to do some small things to help myself, like volunteering, or working on a small project around the house, etc. It doesn't seem to help, I end up feeling like it wasn't worth the "hassle" and would rather just stay home. Deep down I know its worth it, but I still don't feel like it is. I seem to do everything based on how I "feel" now