Gringo

Isaw my wife's profile on that dating site again and lost it. I went out and bought a bottle of vodka and went at it. I wish someone would tell her that her having that profile up there is wrong as she is married and its killing me.

Cleopatra1

hun,, i feel sad for you,,, i have caught my hubby yrs ago with another gairl,, it ripped my heart out,,, love is a hard game.
no advice really,,, just drinking is not gonna help,,, in the laong run ,, hun,, be strong xxx big hug
lv cleo xxx

mfanch

Stop. Going. On. That. Site.

Get help for YOU. Please.

MsJax

It is hard, but you can only control yourself. Why would you want to give your power away? That's what you are doing when you drink over people, or over anything. There is strength and peace in allowing others to do as they will.

Fessey83

Not what you need when your trying to quit the booze. Millions of people would have done the same thing you did and go get a drink feel better for about 2 hours, then wake up realising your feeling depressed and low through the vodka you drank coupled with the problem that drove you to drink the vodka in the first place! We have all been there pal so keep your chin up and try again

Xune

What changes did you implement from the last time the exact same thing happened?

janiebluebird

Just Remember: The best revenge is living well. Take care of yourself, make your life better, and leave her if she is trying to date other people.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your pain Ghostman.

I don't want to be cold - but I think, when it gets down to it, you have two choices - you can keep picking at the wound and keep it bleeding & angry and sore....

or you can decide that you're worth more than this and decide to pick up your life and move on.

I did the first and wasted years in a drunken haze - my partner moved on...I stayed stuck, drunk and stoned, out of my mind in 1996 for 5 years or more.

I really hope you decide to take the second option.
Let the dating site alone, man.

D

Mcribb

It is PAINFUL to focus on yourself, but it needs to be done to survive. You can't have love if you are dead.

Squizz

Ya' slipped eh? Did ya' slip on a banana peel and suddenly have a bottle of vodka fall in your hand?

Or was it a patch of ice you slipped on?

You didn't slip on anything. You made a conscious effort to drink. This after numerous people on this forum told you to stay away from your wife, and that dating website. What else can any of us really do for you? I mean really? What would you like us here to do for you?

At this point my friend, you've got to take charge of your own recovery. Until you are willing to do that, I have a strong feeling you are not going to stay sober.

Sorry if I sound like a jerk, but you asked for advise, people here gave it to you, and you didn't follow it. What did you think was going to happen?

Until you are willing to totally cut your wife out of your life, you are NOT going to stay sober. Mark my words.

I know this, because people told me the exact same thing, and I didn't listen. And guess what happened? I repeatedly got drunk until I actually started to IMPLEMENT what people were telling me to do in my life.

I feel for ya' pal.

I've been there.

Best of luck.

Squizz

Thank you Dee, for putting it far more diplomatically than I ever could have. LOL.

EternalQ

The dating site is not killing you. Your wife's behavior is not killing you.
No one's behavior is killing you. Except your own.

As long as you want to, you will find (what you percieve to be) cruel behavior that you then use to justify your drinking. Or, if you want to, you can find compassionate loving behavior that justifies you to not drink. Like all the time and effort and compassion total strangers are putting in, to answer your posts, for example.

There are people throughout SR who are working on Recovery, who have chronic debilitating illnesses, people who have terminal illnesses, people with many loved ones who have died, suicided or been murdered, people who have been attacked, robbed, persecuted, bullied, abused and shamed. And plenty of people with ugly break ups whose ex partners hopped into new romances even before they left the old ones.

Ghostman, I say this with gentleness: You are unique, but your story is not.

Take heart about that. It means you can stop abusing yourself, and stop asking us for pity so you can justify drinking. I have been there man. Self pity is a bottomless pit of vodka. Focus less on your pain and more on helping someone else who is hurting. It will do wonders for your recovery.

tomsteve

hhmmm. ever thought that maybe yer wife had wishes for you and your drinking?
even if someone told her it was wrong and she stopped doin it, i am sure there would be something else you could find to use as an excuse to drink.

do you want to start taking accountability and responsibility for your actions?

EternalQ

Ghostman, one thing that concerns me from your posts is that you start a thread, we all take time out of our day to respond, and then we have no idea if you agree, find it helpful, or are even reading them. Sometimes you don't say and just start a whole new thread. Maybe this time you could make a change by responding to us directly. Yes?

Squizz

THANK YOU! That's why I hate the term "slip" it deflects accountability! Nobody and nothing forces you to drink! Only you can make yourself drink.

And really, that's the bottom line.

Xune

Glad to see I'm not the only one who noticed.

Hevyn

The pain is never eased by drinking. It's only a temporary numbness, and just gives us one more problem on top of what we're already dealing with. We now have a hangover, and we've set ourselves back. Not worth it, ghostman. I know that's stating the obvious. Please stop torturing yourself.

Delilah1

Hi Ghostman,

My advice is pretty much the same as everyone else's, and the same as the last time you posted this same thing. Stop searching that website, and focus on things you can control.

Gringo

I apologize. I read them all and take them to heart. I just am ashamed and find it hard to respond. I didn't drink today but I am in a bad bad place in my head right now. Again I apologize.

TTBABP

What Mfanch said and what Dee said.