lilac0721

Ok guys. I'm trying to psych myself up to tell my husband and ask for his help. That's it...I need help. I almost want to call my parents and tell them. They think that I have been sober this whole time since rehab. And my dad was pretty pissed off when I spoke my truth (I don't want to work as a lawyer anymore) to him over the phone last week.

One thing at a time. Husband first. I am scared!

EternalQ

I am sure you are scared! That's why you probably avoid it. But your drinking road sounds like it has been scaring you even more. Speak your truth Lilac. No matter what happens, the truth really does set you free.

lilac0721

I just told him. It's got to be the gazillionth time I've fessed up to sneaking alcohol and bingeing and feeling like I'm out of control.

He did say that not getting paid for over 2 months is one of the triggers. It's true. I feel stuck: normally, you look for a job while still employed if you know you need to make a change. But my "gainful" employment hasn't been paying and the contracting officer has indicated that funds still haven't been allocated. So there's no guarantee that I will get paid. But I might, right?

Then there's just the crazy-making environment. Ugh. At least I told my husband. If anyone asks tomorrow, I'll just say I've been dealing with a serious medical issue. After all, depression and anxiety are pretty debilitating (and yes, though we often use alcohol to mask the pain, it really only makes it worse).