I am so afraid
You're never alone!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Re: I am so afraid
Hello there, you people are so wonderful and loving! I want to thank you all for all your wonderful thoughts and words of wisdom. I saw the nurse that will be somewhat helping me.( she can spend 20 minutes a week with me). She tells me she is no detox. center, but she will do what she can to help. She is correct, and she is doing me a very big favor by taking me on, because it is no easy task to take on someone when you think they belong in a detox. center. We have a few detox. centers in the area, but only one for my DOC, all the other hospitals only do detox for alcohol. My husband works about 55-60 hours a week, and I have 3 children living at home, and no relatives that are willing to help, so I need to stay home and do this. I have done this before, I can do it again. When I was thrown out of the treatment center last year, they told me not to return, then they told me I could return, but only to detox, but I have tried to call and ask them, and they tell me it may be painful, but i can do this at home. So at home I am doing this. I have only really begun my journey into withdrawls, I am tapering down very quickly, because I have only a small number left and I have cut off my relationship with my supplier. So the nurse has me tapering quickly, and adding alot of klonopin. This is how she had me do it the last time. And it worked the last time. So here we go again. I am very grateful for her. It is so silly, but I am just fine when I drug myself, but when the nurse tells me what i need to take, it scares the crap out of me, seems like an awful lot of medication. They just roll their eyes at the fact that I am fine medicating myself, but when they medicate me, it scares me so much. I have a true fear of doctors.
I am sorry, I am rambling on, I am a bit out of it. I have been sleeping alot. The pain has not yet set in to bad, I am bracing for the worst. I fear very much the next couple weeks, I fear anxiety worse than anything. My anxiety gets very bad while going through withdrawls. That makes this board all the better for me, because when my anxiety hits it's peak, I can log on here, and someone always has kind words and words of wisdom.
Well, I will be hanging out on and off here, so please continue to help me. I love you all. Thanks-- god is on my side, I can make it through this. Love Becky
I am sorry, I am rambling on, I am a bit out of it. I have been sleeping alot. The pain has not yet set in to bad, I am bracing for the worst. I fear very much the next couple weeks, I fear anxiety worse than anything. My anxiety gets very bad while going through withdrawls. That makes this board all the better for me, because when my anxiety hits it's peak, I can log on here, and someone always has kind words and words of wisdom.
Well, I will be hanging out on and off here, so please continue to help me. I love you all. Thanks-- god is on my side, I can make it through this. Love Becky
You're never alone!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Re: I am so afraid
Thanks Ted. Please keep me in your prayers, and anyone else out there that prays, please pray for me. He is listening. I don't know how people who don't believe in god make it? Thanks again. Becky
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
Re: I am so afraid 
GIRL,GOOD TO HERE YOUR OKAY,HOLD ON WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT.YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.I KNOW YOU GOT THE LOVE AND PRAYERS FROM EVERYONE HERE.YOU STAY STRONG SO YOU CAN KEEP HELPING ME. ted 
:thumb
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: I am so afraid
Whenever I would detox myself, I used to stock up on all kinds of over-the-counter meds for the various withdrawal symptoms. Plus some prescription stuff, muscle relaxants, for the actual kicking part. Is that what the Klonopin's for, Becky? Or for the anxiety, or both? I'd have Kaopectate for diarrhea; Tylenol and ibuprofen for pain and fever; Sudafed and Tavist for runny nose; Robitussin for cough; and there was probably more I just don't remember right now. I never did figure out how to prevent the vomiting, though. Anyway, I don't think my detoxes were ever that rough, but I don't know if that's because I took all that stuff or because of my pattern of use.
So, how are you today, Becky? Still hanging on tight, I hope!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
So, how are you today, Becky? Still hanging on tight, I hope!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
You're never alone!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Re: I am so afraid
Hi There All!! I Am Doing Pretty Good. Today Was My Last Day Of The Taper! No More Drugs. Just The Prescribed Klonopn, And That Is Because I Have Such Extreme Anxiety That I End Up In The Er Whe I Try To Detox Myself. I Will Be Tapering Off Htat In 2 Weeks. I Feel Ok, A Bit Sick, You Know The Runny Nose, The Aches And Pains, The Extreme Chills!!! And This Morning I Could Not Wake Up, It Was Almost Scary. So Here I Am At Almost 1 Am. Legs Aching. I Will Manage, I See My Nurse Tomorrow. She Will Puut Me On Wellbutrin In A Week Or So. I Don't Really Care For The Stuff, But I Will Give The Meds One More Chance. Makes Me Crazy. Ha! Like I'm Not Crazy Already!! I Love You All, And Please Continue To Keep Me In Your Prayers, As I Will Do The Same For You. Love, 
Becky
Becky
Late stage optimist
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Auburn, WA
Posts: 306
Re: I am so afraid
Becky:
It is O.K. to be afraid, it is normal and healthy. It won't kill you! And it will go away, if you hang in there. I tried on my own so many times I lost count. Each time I failed, the overpowering feeling of worthlessness got stronger. It became very difficult to overcome. But I knew I had to stop, and I wanted to have a better life than when I drank and used drugs, and I knew that stopping was going to be my start on a better daily life. I also knew I had no clue how to do it so I resolved to do whatever it took, and follow instructions, even if I did not like them.
If you tried before, and want to do it now, then you remember some positive things from when you were clean, right? Keep those memories close.
If you are like me, then you can recall some pretty low times during your drug use. Pick one out, a particularly humiliating or painful (or both) experience. Keep it in your back pocket, be ready to flip it on like a toggle switch when you start to waver in your resolve to stay on the road to recovery. This is one of many things that helps me avoid relapse to this day, ten years after finally getting sober and staying there.
You can do it! :shades:
It is O.K. to be afraid, it is normal and healthy. It won't kill you! And it will go away, if you hang in there. I tried on my own so many times I lost count. Each time I failed, the overpowering feeling of worthlessness got stronger. It became very difficult to overcome. But I knew I had to stop, and I wanted to have a better life than when I drank and used drugs, and I knew that stopping was going to be my start on a better daily life. I also knew I had no clue how to do it so I resolved to do whatever it took, and follow instructions, even if I did not like them.
If you tried before, and want to do it now, then you remember some positive things from when you were clean, right? Keep those memories close.
If you are like me, then you can recall some pretty low times during your drug use. Pick one out, a particularly humiliating or painful (or both) experience. Keep it in your back pocket, be ready to flip it on like a toggle switch when you start to waver in your resolve to stay on the road to recovery. This is one of many things that helps me avoid relapse to this day, ten years after finally getting sober and staying there.
You can do it! :shades:
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