New here, sort of
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Mays Landing, NJ
Posts: 23
New here, sort of
Hi everyone,
I'm new to recovery but not to these forums. I actually spent some time a while back on the Friends and Family board, trying to figure out how to deal with my alcoholic then-boyfriend. At the time I was going through a phase of considering myself "just" a heavy drinker because I sure as hell wasn't as bad as he was!
Well now I'm sure beyond the shadow of a doubt: I am an alcoholic and have been for a long time.
Here's the Cliff's Notes version of my story: Got drunk for the first time at 13 and fell in love with it immediately. Spent the rest of my teen years binge drinking to blackouts most weekends. At 16, woke up naked in a stranger's bed. At 18, got a DUI. And all of this seemed normal to me. It was what all of my friends did.
Married a fellow heavy drinker at 20, had 3 kids, continued to binge drink to blackout often. Often nursed while drunk. Drove drunk countless times, sometimes with my kids in the car. Still never occurred to me that I really had a problem and nobody in my life ever suggested I did (and still hasn't, to this day). I was always very high functioning, and known in my (heavy drinking) circle as a great mom.
Got divorced and remarried an even heavier drinker. Husband #2 was probably an alcoholic. Had another baby at 39, and finally started to wonder if I was an alcoholic. Husband was diagnosed with a heart condition and told that if he didn't quit drinking he would die. We quit together for 3 years until I started drinking again. Then he started again. Then he died, of a sudden cardiac arrest. We were both drunk at the time.
That was 2 years ago. Immediately after his death I dove into a bottle of vodka, my first foray ever into daily drinking. I drifted into a relationship with our drinking alcoholic neighbor. The severity of his disease scared the living crap out of me. He's been to rehab 4 times. I broke up with him and took him back 8 times. We are not together anymore, and he is in the middle of a relapse. I'm really afraid he's going to drink himself to death.
I finally resolved to quit last year and lasted 3 months. I don't even remember why I started again.
Which brings us up to the last couple months. In September I visited my alcoholic mother and my hard-drinking sister and got so drunk I passed out at the dinner table and my sister had to put me to bed. She just laughed and said, "I'm just glad it wasn't me for a change." The next morning there was some good-natured teasing but that was it. That's how it is in my family.
I swore to myself then that if I ever got drunk again, it would mean that I am powerless over alcohol and I need to get help. I got drunk again. So here I am.
I had my last drink on December 28. I planned to have a last hurrah on New Year's Eve, but then decided that was a spectacularly bad idea. So I didn't.
Now what?
Denise
I'm new to recovery but not to these forums. I actually spent some time a while back on the Friends and Family board, trying to figure out how to deal with my alcoholic then-boyfriend. At the time I was going through a phase of considering myself "just" a heavy drinker because I sure as hell wasn't as bad as he was!
Well now I'm sure beyond the shadow of a doubt: I am an alcoholic and have been for a long time.
Here's the Cliff's Notes version of my story: Got drunk for the first time at 13 and fell in love with it immediately. Spent the rest of my teen years binge drinking to blackouts most weekends. At 16, woke up naked in a stranger's bed. At 18, got a DUI. And all of this seemed normal to me. It was what all of my friends did.
Married a fellow heavy drinker at 20, had 3 kids, continued to binge drink to blackout often. Often nursed while drunk. Drove drunk countless times, sometimes with my kids in the car. Still never occurred to me that I really had a problem and nobody in my life ever suggested I did (and still hasn't, to this day). I was always very high functioning, and known in my (heavy drinking) circle as a great mom.
Got divorced and remarried an even heavier drinker. Husband #2 was probably an alcoholic. Had another baby at 39, and finally started to wonder if I was an alcoholic. Husband was diagnosed with a heart condition and told that if he didn't quit drinking he would die. We quit together for 3 years until I started drinking again. Then he started again. Then he died, of a sudden cardiac arrest. We were both drunk at the time.
That was 2 years ago. Immediately after his death I dove into a bottle of vodka, my first foray ever into daily drinking. I drifted into a relationship with our drinking alcoholic neighbor. The severity of his disease scared the living crap out of me. He's been to rehab 4 times. I broke up with him and took him back 8 times. We are not together anymore, and he is in the middle of a relapse. I'm really afraid he's going to drink himself to death.
I finally resolved to quit last year and lasted 3 months. I don't even remember why I started again.
Which brings us up to the last couple months. In September I visited my alcoholic mother and my hard-drinking sister and got so drunk I passed out at the dinner table and my sister had to put me to bed. She just laughed and said, "I'm just glad it wasn't me for a change." The next morning there was some good-natured teasing but that was it. That's how it is in my family.
I swore to myself then that if I ever got drunk again, it would mean that I am powerless over alcohol and I need to get help. I got drunk again. So here I am.
I had my last drink on December 28. I planned to have a last hurrah on New Year's Eve, but then decided that was a spectacularly bad idea. So I didn't.
Now what?
Denise
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome Denise,
Like you, I have three kiddos and I am married to a wonderful man, however, he drinks too much as well. I decided in October I was done. I managed to stay sober through three pregnancies, and my kids deserve to grow up with a sober mom.
There are so many support avenues out there, and I think you need to find what works for you. I have pieced together parts of different programs that make sense to me. In the beginning I scheduled my non drinking time like my work calendar. Fill up those hours with activities: game nights with the kids, reading, exercise...
I also see a counselor once or twice a month and appreciate having someone listen to what is going on with me, since that is usually my role at home and work.
Spend some time reading and posting on here, you can do this for you and your kids!!!!
Like you, I have three kiddos and I am married to a wonderful man, however, he drinks too much as well. I decided in October I was done. I managed to stay sober through three pregnancies, and my kids deserve to grow up with a sober mom.
There are so many support avenues out there, and I think you need to find what works for you. I have pieced together parts of different programs that make sense to me. In the beginning I scheduled my non drinking time like my work calendar. Fill up those hours with activities: game nights with the kids, reading, exercise...
I also see a counselor once or twice a month and appreciate having someone listen to what is going on with me, since that is usually my role at home and work.
Spend some time reading and posting on here, you can do this for you and your kids!!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Now what?? Great question. You have taken the first step (I hope) admitting your an alcoholic. Now it is time to start making changes in your life that will keep you sober. It is hard to REALLY look at your life. There will be tons of things that come up in life that are going to make you want to drink. What are you going to do? How will you help minimize these events? One of the first things I did was take a hard honest look at myself. Honesty is the key. Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Coming here is a great start Denise - welcome to the other side of the boards
Why not join the Class of January Thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2013-a-11.html
D
Why not join the Class of January Thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2013-a-11.html
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Near Rockford, IL
Posts: 90
Hello My Friend and Welcome to SR
Thats a pretty crazy story. You are in need of SOBRIETY. Dont feel bad, my story is probably worse. You admitted you are powerless and have a problem - that is where we start.
Take it 1 Day at a time, it wont be easy. Would suggest AA - it is working for me.
We all need support one way or another. Lots of Good Folks here.
Good Luck!
________________________________
Being Sober > Any Temptation
Thats a pretty crazy story. You are in need of SOBRIETY. Dont feel bad, my story is probably worse. You admitted you are powerless and have a problem - that is where we start.
Take it 1 Day at a time, it wont be easy. Would suggest AA - it is working for me.
We all need support one way or another. Lots of Good Folks here.
Good Luck!
________________________________
Being Sober > Any Temptation
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Gainesville, FL
Posts: 96
Hey Sword welcome to SR!
I think it's great that you decided not to drink on New Years!
What helped me become sober was:
Exercise, even if you go out for a walk.
Replace your stash with green tea, water, V8...whatever works. I realized that I liked to always have something to drink in my hand, even if I was just home by myself. I try to drink a gallon of water a day...I felt incredible after a week.
Try to realize something new everyday you didn't while you were drinking. Go out to a park and just listen, or go people watching at the mall or something.
Finally and this is a bit extreme, but I set SR as my homepage. Even if I immediately go to another site, it's nice to see this page pop up daily =)
I think it's great that you decided not to drink on New Years!
What helped me become sober was:
Exercise, even if you go out for a walk.
Replace your stash with green tea, water, V8...whatever works. I realized that I liked to always have something to drink in my hand, even if I was just home by myself. I try to drink a gallon of water a day...I felt incredible after a week.
Try to realize something new everyday you didn't while you were drinking. Go out to a park and just listen, or go people watching at the mall or something.
Finally and this is a bit extreme, but I set SR as my homepage. Even if I immediately go to another site, it's nice to see this page pop up daily =)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
Hi Denise
Reading your post made tears roll. I'm so sorry for all the pain you have been through.
I started out just like you drinking as a teenager to blackout, everyone around me drinks so no one understands I have a problem because that would mean they would have to look at themselves.
I am very fortunate to have found a very loving husband and we have two wonderful children and my plan for the future is to live like I never have done because anything we have ever done before always revolved around having a drink at the end of it.
I'm struggling like mad, and sometimes the children take an ear bashing when I'm at my worst but it's them keeping me strong and stopping me from having a drink.
Take care of yourself and your children learn to live sober and may 2013 bring you true happiness x
Reading your post made tears roll. I'm so sorry for all the pain you have been through.
I started out just like you drinking as a teenager to blackout, everyone around me drinks so no one understands I have a problem because that would mean they would have to look at themselves.
I am very fortunate to have found a very loving husband and we have two wonderful children and my plan for the future is to live like I never have done because anything we have ever done before always revolved around having a drink at the end of it.
I'm struggling like mad, and sometimes the children take an ear bashing when I'm at my worst but it's them keeping me strong and stopping me from having a drink.
Take care of yourself and your children learn to live sober and may 2013 bring you true happiness x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Mays Landing, NJ
Posts: 23
Thank you, all of you, for reading my story, and for the welcome and advice. I'm sitting here drinking my green tea, feeling very grateful that I'm not hungover. I feel good! Today is Day 9. I'm determined to do this, to make recovery my life.
You'll be seeing lots more of me here. Thank you!
Denise
You'll be seeing lots more of me here. Thank you!
Denise
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