Guyver

As anybody from Ireland, hell the entire world knows allot of Irish culture revolves around drinking - this is a big problem for me.. funerals, parties, weddings, social gatherings ALL of it revolves around getting boozed up and then having a fistfight with your best friend and then laughing about it the next day - it is just how things work here.. Britain, especially Scotland has a similar culture but not quite to the same extent.

How would one hope to escape this when the entire planet knows your country revolves around getting boozed up? hell the half the planet gets boozed up on our national holiday.. St Patricks Day.

Talk about the ultimate temptation...

sofie

It seems like it is like that in a lot of cultures. Almost any event I attend (even where I get my hair cut) serves alcohol- definitely the social stuff. I try to avoid as much of those events as I can as I do not trust myself right now...

Dee74

Well a lot of your and my antecedents ended up here, so I reckon it's the same in Australia Guyver

The thing is - I know what drinking does to me - I've finally accepted I can't drink without going all out and going missing for a couple months, ruining my health, my job, my mind and my relationships...

I have to stay a non drinker.
It makes no difference if I live in a monastery or a brewery.

D

Sasha4

I understand.
I'm in the UK.

I find it really sad that everything has to be celebrated or noticed with a drink.
From an entrance into the world to an exit from the world.

I once went to a first birthday party and I never saw the child.
Everyone was congregated outside in a makeshift marque drinking heavily.
The mother had to take to her bed for three days to get over it.
Booze was piled from floor to ceiling.

I think though when you turn a corner with your drinking, you turn a corner how you view these attitudes to drinking and celebrating.

Its not easy at first, but one thing that I found that helped was to watch and observe at these events.
See people getting drunker, behaviour getting worse, the staggering and stumbling. The overly dramatic displays of affection. Its not nice. It confirms to me that I don't want to be a part of it.

I have no problem attending for a few hours, but then I would rather leave when it gets messy.

I also wonder is drinking such a heavy part of weddings etc because really they are deadly boring drawn out events and its the only way to survive them?!

kitkat1

Hi, Guyver,

It sounds as if you are in need of a great deal of support to quit drinking. Have you considered going to AA? Below is a link. Just enter the county where you are and you can easily find a listing of meetings:

Find a Meeting | Information on AA | Alcoholics Anonymous

As I say, AA is a wonderful source of support for me in my early recovery...a safe haven amidst the drinking world. I live in the Mississippi Delta, which is known for drinking which takes place on any occasion you can imagine. Not an easy place to try to get sober either, but where I live is simply a matter of geographics. I can get sober anywhere on earth as long as I have an honest desire to be sober and seek out the support I need. It's there.

SR is wonderful also. Post here often. You will find a big group of very caring, sympathetic folks.

My best to you.

Kat

CaiHong

Lol even where I get my hair cut.
CaiHong

Delilah1

It is sad but true, they offer you wine!!

sofie

They really do! And encourage it!

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, Guyver. You won't be alone as you sort things out. I think you should be proud of yourself for wanting to make this change, even though it'll be difficult. Keep talking to us - we care.

Dave42001

It's everywhere!! Pot is legal now in CO.

Hubble

Oh, man. I can only imagine. I'm finally free from drinking against my will with the help of a simple musculo-skeletal relaxant. But my heart goes out to you. And I just had to respond to your particular thread, because I still watch one of the most brilliant guitar players in the world struggle with alcohol and opiates. He was on his way to well-deserved famed back in the 80's? was it, when The Commitments did their movies and were rocketing up. They picked up this guitar player and took him to Ireland. He got kicked out of the band and out of the country for being drunk. Now, you gotta' go some to do that, eh? The good news is, right now, he's on track and playing around town a lot. And never better. But everyone knows it's still a tightrope. I REALLY hope you find a way to be free from the demon(s).

Will69

Guyver, an interesting post.
I live in the UK but spent 10 years or so in Ireland. It helped the deterioration in my drinking habits no end. I met many great people, who I could only really socialise with when drinking, and the opportunities to drink arose around ever corner.
It sounds comical, but I hate shopping. Why worry about shopping when you could be in a lovely old pub in the City centre by 12 midday with a pint in your hand, and no one batting an eyelid? Many kindred spirits doing exactly the same.
I am a binge drinker, my drinking was only really commented on when I becme incoherent and/or obnoxious.
A truly wonderful county with lovely bright people, but My 'dark side' thrived during my time there.
Good luck, this site is helping me, it will hopefully help you.

Newatthis34

Totally agree Guyver. I'm Irish too and have lived elsewhere but there's something unique to the cultural emphasis it has here that normalises heavy drinking. I can't say that more alcohol is consumed here than elsewhere - I don't have any empirical evidence to claim that - but the societal tolerance for alcohol binges etc is dangerously high.

Another point, (which I'm sure people will pick me up on but that I stand by) is the weather. It's so often wet, grey and dirty outside it limits outdoor pursuits and we are drawn into the cosy pub, or at least the myth of the cosy pub. I'm reminded of the poet John Burnside (Scottish BTW but also an alcoholic) who said ''When I walk past a country inn and see the roaring fire I think to myself 'wouldn't it be nice to go inside and enjoy a quiet drink?' but then wake up in a skip behind the local pet shop''.

Thanks for this thread!

hamabi

Hear you, Guyver. My daughter married a good man from Cork and we had the reception dinner in Blarney, and bussed everyone to a pub in the sticks for the traditional dancing and drinking 'till 6am. One girl fell from the bar and broke her arm but that was handled and the party went on.

My only damage incurred was in paying for it all, as back then I was about 25 years sober. I spent a week driving up your Island to Belfast and stopped in at a lot of places where the sober people hang out, and also hit the local pubs for music and fun. Been back a few times to enjoy other parts of the Island and have developed an affection for the locals who do what it takes to live better without drink.

So does the Irish culture involve a lot of drink? Yes and no.

Natom

Hey Guyver,

I'm part Greek Cypriot. Our culture generally involves us getting wasted on expensive spirits at family gatherings. I've been to many in recovery. I've never taken a drink though. There's a lot of Scottish members down here in the south of England. Our heroin problem isn't as bad as it is in Scotland. It's an epidemic there. It doesn't matter where you are. The only thing that matters is how you work the program.

Natom.

pkrma

I am Irish-American and my culture has a heavy tolerance of drunken debauchery and drug use. As a counterpoint my wife is from a very light drinking culture in Asia. She had been "drunk" once in her life before she met me, and knowing that story she would have fallen more under the category of "buzzed" by my judgement.

Anyways, one day a few years after we met, we were together on a Saturday morning around 7am when my best friend called me. He wanted me to meet him at the beach and have a few beers. My wife and I were planning a day trip out of state which is why we were up early on Saturday. But I could tell my buddy was in a state so I said, let's just go to see him and see if he needs any help or anything.

Well, we drive down to the beach where he's at. He's there shirtless, with a full thirty rack of Bud. He’d been drinking all night and had also taken a few tabs of LSD. He was having a great time sitting there by himself, drunk and tripping on a public beach at 7am. It was also a very sunny day and he clearly wasn’t wearing sunscreen (a nightmare for those of us with the Irish complexion). Eventually as he was stumbling around and talking, he fell off some stairs and landed on a rock in the water. Then he gets up slurring like, “I’m all right, I’m all right, nothing to see here.” After that I’m thinking, we gotta this kid away from the water so I convinced him to get in my car with me and eventually we dropped him off at a park where another friend of mine was there to look after him.

My wife was horrified by this experience. I think she thought it was gonna end up being on the news or something. She’d never seen anything like that, that level of drug and alcohol fueled reckless abandon. She was even trying to convince me to bring him to the hospital. But for me, that was a pretty typical thing to see. I was probably laughing the whole time (except when he fell in the water, that was a bit scary).

Of course, this whole thing ended up being a story that me and friends tell and laugh about (and he went on to do some other crazy stuff that day when I wasn’t with him anymore). But whenever it gets brought up with my wife around, she doesn’t laugh. It was like a traumatic experience for her. I guess that kinda shows how much of an influence culture has on the type of drinking behavior that’s considered normal.

But, I think, in any culture, it’s better just to not be the guy who ends up drunk on a beach at 7am. Of course the only way to guarantee that that never happens to myself is to not drink at all, ever.

Newatthis34

Good story pkrma, it helps illustrate how behaviour that should be considered dangerous somehow gets flipped into a hilarious ancedote to regale people with. We all have them, the challenge is to see things more from a person such as your wife's point of view. Ireland is full of this bravado, almost of oneupmanship. I hate it.

escapist

My husband is the child of Polish immigrants. He has endless stories of his family drinking. Many of them died from alcoholism. He stopped drinking when he was young and remembers how it offended his father.

Sazzle

I used to drink as much as I could whilst getting my hair cut and coloured to get my monies worth out the deal! It cost a fortune in my old salon. Luckily I switched hairdressers way before I got sober & you've just reminded me of another time I 'had to' imbibe!

S x

Sazzle

I feel for you. I visited Cork recently fir a weekend with the girls and it is a drinking place. Unusually I didn't drink much as I was feeling ill. I have a good friend at work who is Irish and she has also quit. She embraces it with humour and observational wit, which is shining through in your post.

We are here for you.

S x