Anyone Available to Talk?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 10
Anyone Available to Talk?
I just need to get this out there. I feel terrible at the moment. I've been drinking too much for many years. I'm coming off drinking way too much since Christmas Eve, from waking up on Christmas hung over to continuing to drink at dinners, family gatherings, etc. Hungover on Christmas morning With my two boys. Nice huh? I used to drink and never have any regrets. Now, for about the past year or two, I am riddled with quilt, anxiety, shame and regret. Not that that stops me when I can drink again in a day or two after the feelings subside. I have to stop this terrible ride. I have to. I know the deal - AA, AVRT, etc. - I've been lurking here for months. I need to talk with my wife about what needs to be done and do it. Right now I just need some encouragement and someone to tell me I'm not the loser I feel like. I have a great job, a great wife, the best kids - everything to be thankful for, and they deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 141
I was hungover on Christmas Morning too. My last drink was on Saturday night/early hours of Sunday and I've been sober for two days.
You can stop, it is hard work but you can do it. Posting on here was a good start as you will find support and empathy with people who have been in the same situation as yourself.
I too struggled to deal with the shame of what I'd done while blitzed and couldn't remember.
Where abouts are you from?
You can stop, it is hard work but you can do it. Posting on here was a good start as you will find support and empathy with people who have been in the same situation as yourself.
I too struggled to deal with the shame of what I'd done while blitzed and couldn't remember.
Where abouts are you from?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
I was exactly the same as you and then quit 18 months ago.
My first step was to tell my wife that I had a problem with alcohol consumption...getting the issue out there was definitely good for holding me accountable to someone other than myself. Tell her everything and tell her you're going to take a 60 day break from drinking. Then do it!
My first step was to tell my wife that I had a problem with alcohol consumption...getting the issue out there was definitely good for holding me accountable to someone other than myself. Tell her everything and tell her you're going to take a 60 day break from drinking. Then do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 10
Boxguy - I'm in the US - Florida to be exact.
My wife knows I drink a lot. But I handle it well, and also hide the extent of it so it's worse than she knows.
So far I have been very, very fortunate. I've hurt myself while hammered, but nothing major. I haven't had a DUI, somehow. I'm not a mean drunk or anything like that. But if I don't stop I see nothing good coming my way and the chances only increase that I may do something I can't ever take back. That scares the hell out of me and my family deserves so much better. Even if I don't, they do.
My wife knows I drink a lot. But I handle it well, and also hide the extent of it so it's worse than she knows.
So far I have been very, very fortunate. I've hurt myself while hammered, but nothing major. I haven't had a DUI, somehow. I'm not a mean drunk or anything like that. But if I don't stop I see nothing good coming my way and the chances only increase that I may do something I can't ever take back. That scares the hell out of me and my family deserves so much better. Even if I don't, they do.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Getting sober is not magic and will power while important is usually not enough. In my case the following is how I got sober.
1. Things had gotten really bad I knew the insanity had to end
2. Told my wife (She already knew)
3. Saw a doctor who refered me to a treatment center
4. Attended IOP (Intensive out patient therapy for 3 months) Researched different recovery models and addiction in general
5. Removed all alcohol from my house
6. Stopped going to anything where alcohol was present
7. Started going to AA (All days that I was not in IOP)
8. Got a sponsor
9. Started working the steps of AA
10. Attended AA 5-6 days per week
11. 3.5 years sober still attend AA 4-5 days per week, have a huge network of sober friends, work with other alcoholics, read AA literature.
12. Have a wonderful full life without alchohol. Tonight I am going to a New Years eve party with a bunch of couples that I have met in AA
13. Repeat steps 8 - 13
1. Things had gotten really bad I knew the insanity had to end
2. Told my wife (She already knew)
3. Saw a doctor who refered me to a treatment center
4. Attended IOP (Intensive out patient therapy for 3 months) Researched different recovery models and addiction in general
5. Removed all alcohol from my house
6. Stopped going to anything where alcohol was present
7. Started going to AA (All days that I was not in IOP)
8. Got a sponsor
9. Started working the steps of AA
10. Attended AA 5-6 days per week
11. 3.5 years sober still attend AA 4-5 days per week, have a huge network of sober friends, work with other alcoholics, read AA literature.
12. Have a wonderful full life without alchohol. Tonight I am going to a New Years eve party with a bunch of couples that I have met in AA
13. Repeat steps 8 - 13
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
TMW, it sounds like you are ready! You can do this. Today is a tough day to start, but I find that I actually do better on the seemingly impossible days. How about it? A sober New Year's Eve? What a great gift to give your wife and kids.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 426
Time to do something about it bud. Make a plan and stick with it. I too (2 years ago) was waking up hung over on many a holiday.......ruining my day off. At the end I was often puzzled why I drank so much and why I could not figure it out. I tried to do it alone. It never worked for very long. I sought help. I reached out. You my friend have made a great first step, but you need to keep it going and take the next step.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Salisbury, NC
Posts: 31
Tellmewhen... lol ironic name don't you think ? Wanna know how much seeing your post is helping me...probably more than you'll ever know 
I'm sure the same applies to anyone else with a little time..
The amazing thing about AA and recovery it really is a simple program for complex people...for example your initial post touched me. Simply because within it you probably don't even really realize it yet but you essentially worked step 1. I'm here anytime you need me I work on my computer phones and tablet I'll be around a lot feel free to pm me if you'd like
I'm sure the same applies to anyone else with a little time..The amazing thing about AA and recovery it really is a simple program for complex people...for example your initial post touched me. Simply because within it you probably don't even really realize it yet but you essentially worked step 1.
I'm here anytime you need me I work on my computer phones and tablet I'll be around a lot feel free to pm me if you'd like Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Salisbury, NC
Posts: 31
Another thing..when you're trying to see the unmanagability or powerlessness of it all in comparing 'bad times' from personally doing it..
None of those things may not have happened to you...
Add a YET to every one of them. Jails institutions or death is honestly where the black hole ends its sad but its reality. Just in my home group we've lost 2 people with a lot of time in the rooms thought they had one more drunken run in them.....they never made it back to tell us about it
None of those things may not have happened to you...
Add a YET to every one of them. Jails institutions or death is honestly where the black hole ends its sad but its reality. Just in my home group we've lost 2 people with a lot of time in the rooms thought they had one more drunken run in them.....they never made it back to tell us about it
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by BrokenAmbitions 
Another thing..when you're trying to see the unmanagability or powerlessness of it all in comparing 'bad times' from personally doing it..
None of those things may not have happened to you...
Add a YET to every one of them. Jails institutions or death is honestly where the black hole ends its sad but its reality. Just in my home group we've lost 2 people with a lot of time in the rooms thought they had one more drunken run in them.....they never made it back to tell us about it
None of those things may not have happened to you...
Add a YET to every one of them. Jails institutions or death is honestly where the black hole ends its sad but its reality. Just in my home group we've lost 2 people with a lot of time in the rooms thought they had one more drunken run in them.....they never made it back to tell us about it
Alcohol wants you dead but not before it destroys everything and everyone you value. These are hard facts to swallow but you do not have to be around the recovery community very long to see the carnage alcohol causes.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Salisbury, NC
Posts: 31
God were truly sick people lol :P but getting better every day haha..well..getting better..I have no guarantees for tomorrow..if I said I wasnt going to drink tomorrow..that's not just today..given I don't think I will..
(P.S. I've said it before and got drunk haha add that to my list of YETS that surprisingly become a I REMEMBER WHEN) hah see still sick.lol
(P.S. I've said it before and got drunk haha add that to my list of YETS that surprisingly become a I REMEMBER WHEN) hah
see still sick.lol
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
TellMeWhen, glad you posted. AA is my chosen recovery program, so what I would suggest is to hit up a meeting and also get some phone numbers so you have like-minded people you can call. And of course, coming here to SR!
Hang in there, it gets loads better!
Hang in there, it gets loads better!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Salisbury, NC
Posts: 31
Yes even if you're on the fence with AA or something I was for the first 3 years of my recovery wish that honesty open mindedness and willingness would have kicked in then H-O-W is how it works simple..like I said earlier
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 496
Hi there. You are not alone,or a loser. Just sounds like you are an alcoholic,like many of us. Alcohol is an equal opportunity monster. I use to drink when things were good,or bad. I hadn't lost anything,and had an ok life. Don't feel bad about yourself. The alcohol will put a big guilt trip on you. Sounds like you are ready to quit. Try out a few programs,see what clicks for you. You are in a wonderful place for help and support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Salisbury, NC
Posts: 31
God. Equal opportunity monster..if it were an employer in my active drinking I'd be a millionaire haha indeed. I use AA I have my Certified Rehab Counselor but currently not practicing with it trying to get my masters in web analytics maybe do online counseling or something ? Just couldn't take the management dearly miss my clients though there are more resources in this site as I've been reading all morning then one could even imagine you're in the right place for a good starting point I'm glad to be apart of it can't believe I didn't hear about it sooner
Sent from my 4.2.1 JB I717 Galaxy Note using Xparent SoberRecovery beta by BA
Sent from my 4.2.1 JB I717 Galaxy Note using Xparent SoberRecovery beta by BA
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Tellmewhen,
You tell me when. Yes you are the loser you think you are as long as you are drinking. It gets worse as time goes on. You sound a lot like I did. I got my wife and grown kids behind me, checked into the local VA hospital for their 7 day inpatient detox, and their follow on 28 day live in rehab, which it turns out I didn't need and checked out after a few days. That was two years ago. I wasn't a mean drunk either, and no issues with the law. I called myself high functioning and looked for folks worse off than I was in their drinking. I spent a lot of time and effort in keeping up appearances and as long as I could see or read about folks who drank more I was OK, maybe need to cut back.
I hit the wall hard when I realized I was drinking first thing in my coffee because of the serious hard to even hold my coffee without spilling shakes, just to appear normal. But about half the time I couldn't keep it down and had to try again until I could.
All pretense, all self delusion, all self respect, all hope for my very continued survival physically, all went out the window.
I was left emotionally dulled, and could only rally to get alcohol, or keep from being without alcohol. I was going through the motions but really not paying attention to my friends and family, just "yeah, yeah, yeah, so do you want a beer?"
I was poisoned and simply dragging out the inevitable, and even though I am not suicidal, I was shocked to realize I was committing slow suicide, in reality and could feel my body failing! It was not an AA platitude or slogan. I am sure that I would be dead now had I not stopped and found that I could recover, even though it took six months for me to start realizing that it was almost, but turned out to not be, too late.
I don't feel deprived now when I think about my past drinking. I feel lucky to have survived. Unlike some, I don't think I could survive another run of drinking my old 30 plus drinks a day. For me, relapse is literally death.
You see, I came very close. I wish I was smarter and stronger so I would have quit long before I had run myself so far down. Now I understand Henry Ford's quote:
" Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it: if you are sick you should not take it."
Henry Ford*
The only way an alcoholic can be healthy is to stop now regardless. Then accept what they have left, and count those blessings. If you think that you can keep going until you see the things I experienced happening, then you were too late.
If you are still strong and healthy, you can stay that way only by quitting. We can't moderate. If you could, you would not be here.
Man, I still have all the problems life can throw our way, the ones I used to drink to avoid. I added some age and permanent health deficits from drinking to avoid things that don't matter! Now I am sober with real problems and happier than ever!
Why? Because I decided not to be that loser anymore.
Join me!
You tell me when. Yes you are the loser you think you are as long as you are drinking. It gets worse as time goes on. You sound a lot like I did. I got my wife and grown kids behind me, checked into the local VA hospital for their 7 day inpatient detox, and their follow on 28 day live in rehab, which it turns out I didn't need and checked out after a few days. That was two years ago. I wasn't a mean drunk either, and no issues with the law. I called myself high functioning and looked for folks worse off than I was in their drinking. I spent a lot of time and effort in keeping up appearances and as long as I could see or read about folks who drank more I was OK, maybe need to cut back.
I hit the wall hard when I realized I was drinking first thing in my coffee because of the serious hard to even hold my coffee without spilling shakes, just to appear normal. But about half the time I couldn't keep it down and had to try again until I could.
All pretense, all self delusion, all self respect, all hope for my very continued survival physically, all went out the window.
I was left emotionally dulled, and could only rally to get alcohol, or keep from being without alcohol. I was going through the motions but really not paying attention to my friends and family, just "yeah, yeah, yeah, so do you want a beer?"
I was poisoned and simply dragging out the inevitable, and even though I am not suicidal, I was shocked to realize I was committing slow suicide, in reality and could feel my body failing! It was not an AA platitude or slogan. I am sure that I would be dead now had I not stopped and found that I could recover, even though it took six months for me to start realizing that it was almost, but turned out to not be, too late.
I don't feel deprived now when I think about my past drinking. I feel lucky to have survived. Unlike some, I don't think I could survive another run of drinking my old 30 plus drinks a day. For me, relapse is literally death.
You see, I came very close. I wish I was smarter and stronger so I would have quit long before I had run myself so far down. Now I understand Henry Ford's quote:
" Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it: if you are sick you should not take it."
Henry Ford*
The only way an alcoholic can be healthy is to stop now regardless. Then accept what they have left, and count those blessings. If you think that you can keep going until you see the things I experienced happening, then you were too late.
If you are still strong and healthy, you can stay that way only by quitting. We can't moderate. If you could, you would not be here.
Man, I still have all the problems life can throw our way, the ones I used to drink to avoid. I added some age and permanent health deficits from drinking to avoid things that don't matter! Now I am sober with real problems and happier than ever!
Why? Because I decided not to be that loser anymore.
Join me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 10
Thank you for the words of encouragement everyone. I need them. I am not big on posting - I've never been part of a forum like this at all, but I need it. I will post more when I feel somewhat better. I lurked here quite a bit before finally posting. Reading everyone's stories helps me. I am so thankful for that. I have so much healing to do mentally and physically, all from alcohol. I have to leave town shortly and will not have computer access for a few days. I will post when I return. I have a lot to get out there, if nothing more than for the selfish reason of getting it off my chest. I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year. It will be my first one not ****faced in many years.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I look forward to them. AA and here did that for me, nothing wrong with getting things off your chest here. See, we have been there seen it done it got the T-shirt and half off coupons for next time. No judgment. Stay sober till then. This is my third one sober.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Salisbury, NC
Posts: 31
A problem asked is a problem half solved you don't realize you're probably helping me (I can't speak for everyone ) more than I or we are helping you I truly mean that!
Sent from my 4.2.1 JB I717 Galaxy Note using Xparent SoberRecovery beta by BA
you don't realize you're probably helping me (I can't speak for everyone ) more than I or we are helping you I truly mean that!Sent from my 4.2.1 JB I717 Galaxy Note using Xparent SoberRecovery beta by BA
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