TellMeWhen

Thanks to all of you who responded to me on Monday. I was having a very rough morning, as I have so many, many times before, regretting the day of drinking before. The pathetic thing is that after a day or two, no matter how bad things were, i'm good to go again and ready to drink, only to repeat the vicious cycle. I know it's coming as I drink, yet I do it anyways. I see so many posts on here asking "am I an alcoholic?" For me, I certainly know the answer.

I know what I must do. I must stop before I hurt myself or someone else. I must be a better husband and father. I must be a better example for my boys. I must be 100% PRESENT in their lives, not thinking I am present but drunk in the same room, forgetting conversations, what we watched on TV, what book I read them, being too hungover to play or care, etc, etc. I am so f'ing sick of it. All of it, and I am disgusted with myself for it.

There are so many things over the years I regret doing, saying and not doing, and the vast majority of them were alcohol induced in some way, shape or form. I'm not sure I will ever forgive myself. But by the grace of God I am here and with many blessings at that, and I realize how much more important that is. At some point I am going to spill my guts here on my 20 years of execssive drinking and all the "fun" times I had, that I now so sorely regret. I know it will make me feel better. For now I don't want to think about it and am focusing all of my energy on the present.

Thanks to you all again. I plan to be here reading A LOT, and will post when I can. I'm not big on the posting part but I know I need to get involved and not just be a spectator. Here's to a 2013 I can proud of. Please God give me the strength to do this.

4WWWW

Hello My Friend and Welcome,

Im with you - my story sounds similar to yours. Finally quit on Sept 17, 2012 after 25 years of heavy drinking - blowing money, not taking care of my home and family like I should.

I finally realized it had to change. Now Im in AA, working the program, taking 1 day at a time and trying to put the painful past and guilt behind me. I realize each sober day helps me build a better past and hopefully a better future.

GoodLuck
________________________________________
Being Sober > Any Temptation

Cinderblock18

Fellow Floridian here! Last Christmas I was in your boat...drank, drank, drank, hungover, then drunk again. All in front of my kid and family. And like you, although I "handle" it well to the observer, I was a mess inside. Guilt, fear, anxiety, depression...but put on a happy go lucky face like nothing was wrong. This year, I celebrated Christmas and New Years sober and it was truly amazing.
I think it's very important and a big "light bulb" that you are realizing you have a problem. Keep coming back, this site has helped me so much!

Tippingpoint

Good stuff!

You should consider making a short term commitment to not drink alcohol. That is what will get you past drinking once you feel a little better. 30 days/60 days(even better). You need that much time to give yourself some perspective and to begin to experience the benefits of sobriety.

TellMeWhen

I've committed to staying sober for the month of January to see what it feels like. I do better with short term goals mentally. It will be the longest I have gone in probably 20 years. So sad, but true. I look back at what I've wasted and it makes me sick.

Day 4 and moving forward. It felt so good to wake up this morning and not be hungover, I can tell you that.

I'm reading and reading on here quite a bit. I'm in awe at the support and help everyone offers to each other. Complete strangers all fighting the same demon.

dedubya

Hey dude here.
stick around here, good people. I also know from experience that going to AA helps alot, for me. I messed up a while back when I stopped going. Good to be around that I think. Back motion with this disease doesnt work...
Best
dub