feels like an upcoming relapse - any ideas?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by 2inconsolable 
More drugs than drinking - so I chcecked NA meeting. Still - you're right, Delilah1. It won't solve the situation. It will only make it worse.
I wonder how am I gonna deal with the fact that I usually don't speak a lot. Recently I'm literally mute.
I wonder how am I gonna deal with the fact that I usually don't speak a lot. Recently I'm literally mute.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 41
Thank you for all you kind words... I was hopeful. I thought that maybe it's hard but I'll make it through.
Now I think that me and my girfriend are about to break up. I don't even know how I feel.
Still sober - but I don't see the point anymore. Not really. Sorry.
Now I think that me and my girfriend are about to break up. I don't even know how I feel.
Still sober - but I don't see the point anymore. Not really. Sorry.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
The point is to move on and take care of yourself!
My first wife died of cancer. We were together 20 years. The end was, of course, no surprise. Likewise, reading your posts tells me you came here to SR because your girlfriend was not giving you support. You know you need to move on. The person you love must be able to support you in sobriety one day at a time.
So here is the same advice I keep giving you: get to an NA meeting . (Read the thread about 13th Stepping first). Find a guy to talk to.
My first wife died of cancer. We were together 20 years. The end was, of course, no surprise. Likewise, reading your posts tells me you came here to SR because your girlfriend was not giving you support. You know you need to move on. The person you love must be able to support you in sobriety one day at a time.
So here is the same advice I keep giving you: get to an NA meeting . (Read the thread about 13th Stepping first). Find a guy to talk to.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Still sober - but I don't see the point anymore. Not really. Sorry.
I didn't feel I was worth fighting for either, not for many many years.
But I was.
So are you
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 41
Thank you both.
I was at the meeting. I'll go again. I didn't say a word but there were others who could speak instead of me.
To be honest my life is surprisingly falling apart. I have just two things to hold on to now, but I have to choose. Drugs or sobriety.
OK, maybe three. I have a job. So drugs vs. sobriety & job. Seems easy. It's not. But it's fine...
I was at the meeting. I'll go again. I didn't say a word but there were others who could speak instead of me.
To be honest my life is surprisingly falling apart. I have just two things to hold on to now, but I have to choose. Drugs or sobriety.
OK, maybe three. I have a job. So drugs vs. sobriety & job. Seems easy. It's not. But it's fine...
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Well at least you have a job--my wife and I can't find work. But one of the promises of AA recovery has come true for me: I don't worry about it.
It is recommended to go to 90 meetings in your first 90 days of recovery. At least spend some time somewhere positive, like here at SR. I have learned a lot here that has helped me, and I try to help others too.
It is recommended to go to 90 meetings in your first 90 days of recovery. At least spend some time somewhere positive, like here at SR. I have learned a lot here that has helped me, and I try to help others too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by 2inconsolable
Thank you both.
I was at the meeting. I'll go again. I didn't say a word but there were others who could speak instead of me.
To be honest my life is surprisingly falling apart. I have just two things to hold on to now, but I have to choose. Drugs or sobriety.
OK, maybe three. I have a job. So drugs vs. sobriety & job. Seems easy. It's not. But it's fine...
I was at the meeting. I'll go again. I didn't say a word but there were others who could speak instead of me.
To be honest my life is surprisingly falling apart. I have just two things to hold on to now, but I have to choose. Drugs or sobriety.
OK, maybe three. I have a job. So drugs vs. sobriety & job. Seems easy. It's not. But it's fine...
Right now you have your own sobriety to worry about--sorry if that sounds selfish, but that is why relationships are problematic when you just begin getting sober. You are just learning to care for yourself, you are NOT equipped to help anyone else. Not now. You have sobriety behind you , a job, AA, and you need to get back to your therapist for accountability and quidance. I would say that is a lot, more than most people.
Do not allow this relationship to set you back. Like I said if it is meant to be she will be there when you get set straight. Let's face it that is the only way you will really be able to even consider helping someone else out.
Tomorrow call you therapist and develop a new plan , don't throw up you hands and give up. That is the easy way out---losing a girlfriend all of a sudden doesn't make getting sober important?? You know that is not true.
We are here for you--don't let what you have accomplished go by the wayside, Please.
STAY STRONG!!
TrixMixer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by Coldfusion
Well at least you have a job--my wife and I can't find work.
Originally Posted by TrixMixer
Oh no you don't 2 inconsolable---do not go down that self pity road now that you and your girlfriend are breaking up. Unfortunately you do not have that luxury, because that state of mind will get you into trouble--drugs are just around the corner. How perfect your LIFE IS FALLING APART---why because you and your girlfriend might break up. That happens to people everyday, and they do not go to pieces. If it is meant to be you two will get back.
Right now you have your own sobriety to worry about--sorry if that sounds selfish, but that is why relationships are problematic when you just begin getting sober. You are just learning to care for yourself, you are NOT equipped to help anyone else. Not now. You have sobriety behind you , a job, AA, and you need to get back to your therapist for accountability and quidance. I would say that is a lot, more than most people.
Do not allow this relationship to set you back. Like I said if it is meant to be she will be there when you get set straight. Let's face it that is the only way you will really be able to even consider helping someone else out.
Tomorrow call you therapist and develop a new plan , don't throw up you hands and give up. That is the easy way out---losing a girlfriend all of a sudden doesn't make getting sober important?? You know that is not true.
We are here for you--don't let what you have accomplished go by the wayside, Please.
STAY STRONG!!
TrixMixer
Right now you have your own sobriety to worry about--sorry if that sounds selfish, but that is why relationships are problematic when you just begin getting sober. You are just learning to care for yourself, you are NOT equipped to help anyone else. Not now. You have sobriety behind you , a job, AA, and you need to get back to your therapist for accountability and quidance. I would say that is a lot, more than most people.
Do not allow this relationship to set you back. Like I said if it is meant to be she will be there when you get set straight. Let's face it that is the only way you will really be able to even consider helping someone else out.
Tomorrow call you therapist and develop a new plan , don't throw up you hands and give up. That is the easy way out---losing a girlfriend all of a sudden doesn't make getting sober important?? You know that is not true.
We are here for you--don't let what you have accomplished go by the wayside, Please.
STAY STRONG!!
TrixMixer
We had an argument this evening, so now I'm alone and I have a lot of time to think. It just ***** me up that she's not by my side when I really want to fight. I kinda started it all for her and now, when I need to find my own reasons to hold on because the old one is not enough all I have is challenging, expectations and pressure. "You're not with me. You're leaving me in the worst moment". That's ridiculous (I mean: hurtful), because I'm doing everything that I can since a very ******* long time. And - wait a minute - who leaves who?
Nevermind.
You're right. I don't have that luxury. It's just an excuse to get high. Oh, I'm so poor, my girlfriend don't love - now I can get loaded. ********. I "just" need to learn how to deal with feelings.
We're obviously both not equipped to help anyone else.
Thinking, craving, craving, craving... and sitting on my ass. Right - no giving up. "Just one time" and I'm done. I won't leave it like this. I need to accomplish a year of sobriety, right? That would be a week more to hold on. Small steps. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Your post is all you have to re-read now. You know exactly what you have to do, and you ARE strong enough to do it. You come first my man, and sobriety is the only thing that CAN matter to you. The rest , right now, YES BS.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!
YOU ARE STRONG! You will make it
Sincerely TRIXMIXER---I am in your corner
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!
YOU ARE STRONG! You will make it
Sincerely TRIXMIXER---I am in your corner
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
2inconsolable:
I've read all your posts and frankly it makes me very concerned. You seem intent on portraying yourself as hanging on to cliff by your fingernails and "white knuckling" it from day to day, moment to moment, in fear that a relapse or some other disaster is about to happen. You need some relief from anxiety and more peace of mind so you can focus on a plan for recovery, which is possible since you're no different than all us other folks who have had problems with addiction. You can recover whether or not your girlfriend leaves you. You can do it for yourself. How to do it? You've already started on that. Keep attending AA or some other program where you can get help from others in recovery. Get counseling if you need it and can afford it. See a doctor if you feel anxious but tell him/her all the facts (it's confidential- believe that and be honest). If that doctor prescribes for you make sure that you are firmly in the doctor's control. Insist on non renewable prescriptions for modest amounts so the doctor knows just how much medication you're taking. Then go to meetings, get a sponsor if you're in AA and can find someone congenial and wise. Benefit from the companionship which the group offers and go it one day at a time. You can do it. Things can get so much better for you. You have a whole world to look forward to if you just don't drink or drug, don't drink or drug. Say this over and over and believe in yourself. Good luck.
W.
I've read all your posts and frankly it makes me very concerned. You seem intent on portraying yourself as hanging on to cliff by your fingernails and "white knuckling" it from day to day, moment to moment, in fear that a relapse or some other disaster is about to happen. You need some relief from anxiety and more peace of mind so you can focus on a plan for recovery, which is possible since you're no different than all us other folks who have had problems with addiction. You can recover whether or not your girlfriend leaves you. You can do it for yourself. How to do it? You've already started on that. Keep attending AA or some other program where you can get help from others in recovery. Get counseling if you need it and can afford it. See a doctor if you feel anxious but tell him/her all the facts (it's confidential- believe that and be honest). If that doctor prescribes for you make sure that you are firmly in the doctor's control. Insist on non renewable prescriptions for modest amounts so the doctor knows just how much medication you're taking. Then go to meetings, get a sponsor if you're in AA and can find someone congenial and wise. Benefit from the companionship which the group offers and go it one day at a time. You can do it. Things can get so much better for you. You have a whole world to look forward to if you just don't drink or drug, don't drink or drug. Say this over and over and believe in yourself. Good luck.
W.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 41
Hi.
As you know I'm getting some help. I have a group and a therapist... But I just want to throw it out. Maybe that's because I have a day off again, I'm alone and I can't manage as good, as I'd like to.
I woke up today and I feel so ******* depressed again... I spend the half of a day in my bed, looking at the trees behind my window. Then I stood up an I decided to take a walk.
I lived in this area some years ago, when I was at my worst with my addiction. My feet lead me in those old places. Basically it ****** me up even more. I walked here and there, feeling more and more broken. I hoped that maybe I'll feel some kind of a relief when I'll go back home. I almost did. I thought to myself "you have to move on, you still have some life to..."
And then I've heard a car horn. I froze.
I looked up above the bumper. There was a guy, screaming at me. I've just heard ringing in my ears. I turned around without a words, and I left.
I walked until I felt that my legs are heavy and my heart is going to jump off from my chest. I stopped and looked at my hands. They were shaking.
I just thought "it's a street, you idiot... you were about to remember!" and I laughed.
Now I'm home.
Guys... you helped me once, you gave me a good idea. So I just have another question... what to do when you're feeling suicidal but you don't want to take any meds? I want to live, but I don't know how long can I hold on.
Let's admit it: I feel like I'm completely alone.
As you know I'm getting some help. I have a group and a therapist... But I just want to throw it out. Maybe that's because I have a day off again, I'm alone and I can't manage as good, as I'd like to.
I woke up today and I feel so ******* depressed again... I spend the half of a day in my bed, looking at the trees behind my window. Then I stood up an I decided to take a walk.
I lived in this area some years ago, when I was at my worst with my addiction. My feet lead me in those old places. Basically it ****** me up even more. I walked here and there, feeling more and more broken. I hoped that maybe I'll feel some kind of a relief when I'll go back home. I almost did. I thought to myself "you have to move on, you still have some life to..."
And then I've heard a car horn. I froze.
I looked up above the bumper. There was a guy, screaming at me. I've just heard ringing in my ears. I turned around without a words, and I left.
I walked until I felt that my legs are heavy and my heart is going to jump off from my chest. I stopped and looked at my hands. They were shaking.
I just thought "it's a street, you idiot... you were about to remember!" and I laughed.
Now I'm home.
Guys... you helped me once, you gave me a good idea. So I just have another question... what to do when you're feeling suicidal but you don't want to take any meds? I want to live, but I don't know how long can I hold on.
Let's admit it: I feel like I'm completely alone.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
There's some good reading in this link and numbers of people to talk to 2ins:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
D
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Hi 2,
I hope you come back to check this thread and share your concerns with us. This forum really can be helpful in preventing anxiety.
Working a program with a sponsor is helpful also.
I hope you come back to check this thread and share your concerns with us. This forum really can be helpful in preventing anxiety.
Working a program with a sponsor is helpful also.
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