painted in to corner
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
painted in to corner
Until November I was drunk everyday for thirteen years.
With the support of my girlfriend, I quit cold turkey. Everything was better.
Then the holidays came. Ten day binge. Lying to everyone that I've started again. I really hate myself. Don't know what to do. I thought I could stop again and get back on the wagon without anyone noticing.
With the support of my girlfriend, I quit cold turkey. Everything was better.
Then the holidays came. Ten day binge. Lying to everyone that I've started again. I really hate myself. Don't know what to do. I thought I could stop again and get back on the wagon without anyone noticing.
hi and welcome Paddington
I think a lot of us overestimate ourselves and underestimate our problem...I know I thought I could 'go rogue' and drink for a bit and then get right back on the waggon - but it never worked like that....the force and intensity of my drinking always surprised and overwhelmed me.
I'm not sure what kind of support you have, but coming here is a great start, or a great addition anyway
the journey back to sobriety starts with a new day one...why not today?
D
I think a lot of us overestimate ourselves and underestimate our problem...I know I thought I could 'go rogue' and drink for a bit and then get right back on the waggon - but it never worked like that....the force and intensity of my drinking always surprised and overwhelmed me.
I'm not sure what kind of support you have, but coming here is a great start, or a great addition anyway
the journey back to sobriety starts with a new day one...why not today?
D
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
No support. Live on my own so its going to be down to me.
Its like someone game me a rope ladder, I climbed out of the hole, and then decided to jump back in. Only now the ladder has gone.
Today is day one. Was so proud of the string of days I had put together.
Its like someone game me a rope ladder, I climbed out of the hole, and then decided to jump back in. Only now the ladder has gone.
Today is day one. Was so proud of the string of days I had put together.
I think alot of us don't give it a fair chance just because of this, me included.
You did spent time sober you can do it again.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
Nearly 16 hours in and my brain is playing tricks with me.
Spent a couple of hours crying and in despair a friend texted me. Told her I was sad and she came round and forced me out of the house for a walk in the woods. I didn't say much or tell her what was going on but was so thankful for having a friend.
The moment she left my first thought was to go to the shop for beer. I made it down the steps then turned back and tried to remember this morning and how I felt.
Now crying again but at least not drinking. Reading other peoples stories has helped resolve over the last half hour.
My memory is playing tricks with me. I know how elated I was for getting sober and lifting myself out of depression. But now I can't remember how that felt.
Spent a couple of hours crying and in despair a friend texted me. Told her I was sad and she came round and forced me out of the house for a walk in the woods. I didn't say much or tell her what was going on but was so thankful for having a friend.
The moment she left my first thought was to go to the shop for beer. I made it down the steps then turned back and tried to remember this morning and how I felt.
Now crying again but at least not drinking. Reading other peoples stories has helped resolve over the last half hour.
My memory is playing tricks with me. I know how elated I was for getting sober and lifting myself out of depression. But now I can't remember how that felt.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 297
I avoid AA in large part due to the religious aspect too. A lot of people say it's not necessarily 'religious' but the problem is that pretty much everyone in the meeting is religious and I personally can't stomach all the god talk. It makes me cringe. There are other options - SMART is one that I think makes a lot of sense. I just started looking closely at AVRT as well. The bottom line though, is to just stick to your own decision not to drink. Merely reding this board and posting occasionally is helpful. I could have drank last night - I had nothing to do and no reason to have to wake up early tonight, but instead of a trip to the beer store I went to the local video store (amazingly there's still one around here) and rented a great film called Beasts of the Southern Wild and drank some iced tea. It was a nice, peaceful night and I feel awesome today and will be having dinner with my parents and not have to worry about hiding a hangover (they disapprove of my drinking to excess, though they don't know the extent of my problem). Just take it one moment at a time and just realize how much better things are when you don't drink. I haven't had a month sober since May. I'm working on it now.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I thought I could stop again and get back on the wagon without anyone noticing.
Do whatever you need to do not to drink, come hell or high water. Then when the fog lifts start reading about how to handle cravings when they come (and they will come). Understanding how the addicted mind works helped me the most. If you find a support group helpful, then get to one. If not, get onto reading about the alternatives. Either way, you can do this. You can live free.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
17h48 the urge is coming in succession but weathering storm.
I need to apply my brain to this. I can cope with the physical urge, I've done it in the past. Its the mental side.
I feel like I've let everyone down, Ive shrunk away from them as a result. I need to look at this in reverse, its me I've let down and its me who has to fix this.
When I gave up I had not thought about it. I just stopped drinking and, with gf"s support, it kinda stuck. Now she's away for the holiday season and I'm back to square one.
I know I'm an alcoholic, I know I'm playing with mental health. I know its not normal to cry uncontrollably and i stopped doing so when i quit. But I shouldn't be thinking about quitting so noone notices my slip.
I am quitting so I take back control and don't ever feel like this again.
The deceit is killing me though. Do I own up or not. Maybe she already knows, we've spoken on phone last few evenings when I've been pissed.
I need to apply my brain to this. I can cope with the physical urge, I've done it in the past. Its the mental side.
I feel like I've let everyone down, Ive shrunk away from them as a result. I need to look at this in reverse, its me I've let down and its me who has to fix this.
When I gave up I had not thought about it. I just stopped drinking and, with gf"s support, it kinda stuck. Now she's away for the holiday season and I'm back to square one.
I know I'm an alcoholic, I know I'm playing with mental health. I know its not normal to cry uncontrollably and i stopped doing so when i quit. But I shouldn't be thinking about quitting so noone notices my slip.
I am quitting so I take back control and don't ever feel like this again.
The deceit is killing me though. Do I own up or not. Maybe she already knows, we've spoken on phone last few evenings when I've been pissed.
I am also inspired by the stories of people who have overcome their problems with alcohol. I want others to find a solution because I know how difficult this problem is to overcome. I spent may years in desperation and failure. I had a problem with all the God talk in AA also. I liked just about everything else about it though. People seemed really happy and they had so much knowledge about how to overcome this problem. They share it in their stories.
It’s difficult for me to read how hard things are for you now, and know at the same time that help is as close as an AA meeting. I hope you find a way out.
It’s difficult for me to read how hard things are for you now, and know at the same time that help is as close as an AA meeting. I hope you find a way out.
Just take good care of yourself right now. get back on the horse, and dont look back. every thing will fall into place.
glad you are sober . it is never easy, and everyone is different. dont beat yourself up. you have an illness, and you have to get serious if you wanna live the good life.
my best to you.
chicory
glad you are sober . it is never easy, and everyone is different. dont beat yourself up. you have an illness, and you have to get serious if you wanna live the good life.
my best to you.
chicory
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Glad you are back Paddington.
One of my best sober habits is practicing Gratitude every day, take a look at this section and feel free to join us.
I also try to put booze in it's place. It is a liquid beverage, it will not control my life or ruin it.
You are taking back your life every hour you are sober.
One of my best sober habits is practicing Gratitude every day, take a look at this section and feel free to join us.
I also try to put booze in it's place. It is a liquid beverage, it will not control my life or ruin it.
You are taking back your life every hour you are sober.
Paddington: There are Agnostics AA meetings available particularly in large metropolitan cities. There is a Secular Recovery forum available on this SR website. In addition, you might find something by googling alcoholism and agnostics. I found meetings with other recovering alcoholics most helpful.
W.
W.
Hi Paddington,
Glad you joined SR and that you have Day one under your belt again. You didn't lose that sober time, you obviously made some good choices during that time, think about what you did, and then add something else to help you string those days back together.
Your girlfriend seems to have been a support to you when you quit, being honest with her and enlisting her support again might be a good plan as well.
Glad you joined SR and that you have Day one under your belt again. You didn't lose that sober time, you obviously made some good choices during that time, think about what you did, and then add something else to help you string those days back together.
Your girlfriend seems to have been a support to you when you quit, being honest with her and enlisting her support again might be a good plan as well.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
35h30. Managed 4 hrs sleep.
Still keep crying but managing to snap out quicker.
Decided to fess up to Mrs Paddington when she gets back tomorrow. She won't like it but Im confident she'll be understanding. The alternative, lying to her, is only going to cause each of us more pain.
This quit needs stronger foundations than just me. It can't be built on lies.
The thought of work in two days time is scary.
Still keep crying but managing to snap out quicker.
Decided to fess up to Mrs Paddington when she gets back tomorrow. She won't like it but Im confident she'll be understanding. The alternative, lying to her, is only going to cause each of us more pain.
This quit needs stronger foundations than just me. It can't be built on lies.
The thought of work in two days time is scary.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
41hrs. Went climbing to take mind off things. The sweat coming off me was incredible. Yuk.
Same as yesterday, moment I got home I wanted to go to the shop. Mind was telling me that I had done well, no one would ever know, starting on the first day of the yr would be more logical, I could start again tomorrow. These are the same thoughts that made me end up here in the first place! They're pervasive but I'm not listening to them.
NYE is evil for people who have quit drinking. Raaa.
Same as yesterday, moment I got home I wanted to go to the shop. Mind was telling me that I had done well, no one would ever know, starting on the first day of the yr would be more logical, I could start again tomorrow. These are the same thoughts that made me end up here in the first place! They're pervasive but I'm not listening to them.
NYE is evil for people who have quit drinking. Raaa.
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