wpainterw

Dee says it all. Plant a tree! It will be small at first, like the one I planted ten years ago- five feet high. I planted it because one Friday afternoon as my wife and I were asleep two druggies invaded our house, looking for money, jewelry, pills. At least one was a heroin addict. They took my wife's engagement ring and $40, tied us up and left. They were later found and convicted. We survived and we planted a tree. And today I look at that and it's 60 feet high, bare of leaves, its branches standing out against the cold December sky and I say to myself. "That's the Survival Tree!" That will be here after I'm gone. That's the only thing I can say about that.
Plant a tree. And hope that as you grow in sobriety your tree will grow along with you- small at first but soon taller, gathering strength with each passing year. Until you and the tree are strong, proud to be alive and proud of what you've done.
And perhaps the woman you love will see that tree and come back to you. But if that never happens there will be others who will love and respect you.
So hang in there and when the ground thaws plant a tree.

W.

Delilah1

I love the idea of planting a tree. My dad died almost three years ago and when we came back from NY after his funeral a good friend bought us a tree to plant in our yard. I am not able to visit NY often, but that tree is a place I can go to remember him, and also for a place to reflect.

wpainterw

P.S. I have heard that there is a tree at Mt. Vernon which George Washington planted or which was there when he was there. And I have been out to a redwood area in California where I have been told there are trees which have been there for nearly 2000 years. There is something different about a tree. Plant a tree.

W.

BabyJane

Hey ghostman,

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know every situation is different, but this is exactly what happened with my parents recently and my mom told me yesterday that she is starting to miss my dad. I sure didn't expect her to say that after how bad things were a month ago... My point is you really can't predict the miracles of sobriety. Yes it's hard to stay away from the booze in tragedy and hard times, but YOU will get better no matter what happens if you don't drink. That's what I try to tell my dad. He's really lonely too. My heart is broken for you both. Just know that we care here and we will be around when you need us.

YVRguy

Ghostman , is this the turning point? Only you can answer that. I do know how you feel as my wife and kids moved in August thousands of miles away. I have not seen them since however I had to face the turning point....continue or change which for me was to go back to AA and truly do the program , meetings , steps , service.

Did that bring those things back ? No but were I had forecast the most horrible holiday season of my life , this is actually one of the better ones. What has returned is some sanity , serenity and hope.

If you had 6 years , it can be done again and each part of putting things back in place is done one day at a time. Meetings , service and steps seem to be the starting points. My sponsor went in and out for years till he got it and now is heading toward 9 years but he knows any day could be his last if he does not do the work.

2granddaughters

I guess the question that begs asking is "Or what".

I hope you make a list of your options and add "Getting on with my life" at the top.

I know how you feel. The folks at AA will know how you feel. They will help you through it. Just show up at the meetings.

All the best.

Bob R

Dee74

my tree was an allegorical tree

D

Gringo

That is my first priority but it will be a life that I never imagined it would be.