I feel like Im closing the barn door after the horse got out.
Idiot that picked up a bottle.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 85
I feel like Im closing the barn door after the horse got out.
After my brief 2 week drinking binge after 6 years being sober I lost everything. I lost my wife, I have been thrown out of my house and got thrown in jail twice. I have been sober since Dec 14 and got back into AA and got a sponsor.
I just wonder if its all worth it. The damage is done. I will never get back the things or the woman I lost. I always pictured growing old with this woman. She was my life. My world revolved around loving her.
I just don't know if its worth it. The things that I lived for are all gone now.
I just wonder if its all worth it. The damage is done. I will never get back the things or the woman I lost. I always pictured growing old with this woman. She was my life. My world revolved around loving her.
I just don't know if its worth it. The things that I lived for are all gone now.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Picking up a drink is'nt going to make tommorow any better, next week or next year .
If i drink my life gets worse, at best it's choosing a slow crippling painful death of hoplessness .
If i stay sober then with dilligence tomorow will be better than today . I'm choosing life .
My choice now is the only thing i have power over , the past is gone and it's oppertunities , i'm sorry about that, it hurts sometimes .
If you make your future a sucsess or failiure , choose life or choose death is up to you,
i hope you keep on choosing life and living sober , you don't know what the future holds sober , you certainly do if you drink .
Bestwishes, M
If i drink my life gets worse, at best it's choosing a slow crippling painful death of hoplessness .
If i stay sober then with dilligence tomorow will be better than today . I'm choosing life .
My choice now is the only thing i have power over , the past is gone and it's oppertunities , i'm sorry about that, it hurts sometimes .
If you make your future a sucsess or failiure , choose life or choose death is up to you,
i hope you keep on choosing life and living sober , you don't know what the future holds sober , you certainly do if you drink .
Bestwishes, M
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
I'm sorry ghostman, I know you're in a great deal of pain right now. We don't know what the future holds for us. Staying sober and putting one foot in front of the other is all we can do sometimes. Keep doing the next right thing and know your in my thoughts and prayers. 
Yes, it's worth it !!
Best Wishes To You!
Yes, it's worth it !!Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I don't believe anything happens in God's world by mistake...You have to have faith in whatever Higher Power you have..That you weren't brought as far as you were to be dropped off...That there is something better for you out there...And dying an alcoholic death isn't it....You know what you have to do....Don't drink today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WI
Posts: 13
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I think we are in the same boat. I pretty much feel there is no hope for me, but you do have one thing on your side. You did stay sober for six years, and that's a pretty good stretch. You can do it again.
I think we are in the same boat. I pretty much feel there is no hope for me, but you do have one thing on your side. You did stay sober for six years, and that's a pretty good stretch. You can do it again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by paulhewson 
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I think we are in the same boat. I pretty much feel there is no hope for me, but you do have one thing on your side. You did stay sober for six years, and that's a pretty good stretch. You can do it again.
I think we are in the same boat. I pretty much feel there is no hope for me, but you do have one thing on your side. You did stay sober for six years, and that's a pretty good stretch. You can do it again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 297
well, one thing I can think of is maybe instead of focusing on those two horrible weeks, focus on the 6 great years of sobriety, and ask if you want the rest of your life to more closely resemble the two weeks or the six years. That's kind of the way I'm approaching my own path to getting clean.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Near Rockford, IL
Posts: 90
Hey Ghostman - Hang in there. You never know what Tomorrow or Next Week or Next Month or next Year might bring if you stay sober. Thats what I keep preaching to myself. If it brings nothing but sobriety and peace of mind - thats OK. I do have a feeling though, that good things will follow with sobriety.
Hope this makes sense.
I know if I have one drink, I will have to have at least 12 more and the onslaught will continue the next day and so on.
Hope this makes sense.
I know if I have one drink, I will have to have at least 12 more and the onslaught will continue the next day and so on.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I agree with avocado about the six years, that is a great deal of sober time and even though things have been very difficult the past few weeks you haven't drank. No matter what happens with any relationship in the future YOU are worth it.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Think of all the horrific things that happened in 2 short weeks of drinking. Now, think about what may happen if you continue to drink? The possibilities are endless. You have a better chance of succeeding in life and moving forward sober than you do drinking. You need time and sobriety to rebuild your self esteem and life. Never give up hope. I once was lost and hopeless, but now the doors of opportunity are open to me. Take the time to focus on getting sober. Life will get better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
Good thing about horses is they'll most often come back to the barn after they run around awhile and realize what a good thing they had inside the barn.
Point being, of course, is so long as you're alive and willing, there is always hope.
Life is full of so many unexpected twists and turns. Do the next right thing to make this day, and all the rest, the best you can.
Point being, of course, is so long as you're alive and willing, there is always hope.
Life is full of so many unexpected twists and turns. Do the next right thing to make this day, and all the rest, the best you can.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by ghostman1960
I just don't know if its worth it. The things that I lived for are all gone now.
Who knows? You might meet someone else, or decide that being single isn't so bad. I'm quite used to it and when I see some peoples' relationships, I actually feel relieved to not have to go through all that responsibility. Making someone else happy can be a lot of work.
Whatever the case, if a new relationship is something you want, I wish you the best of luck. It's an old saying I know, but you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. It's the law of attraction. There are exceptions of course, but generally if you're down on yourself, you're no fun to be around and are at risk of doing the macabre co-dependent dance.
Two people trying to heal one another works sometimes. It's doable. I don't know what the success rate is, though.
Idiot that picked up a bottle.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by renaldo
I'm sorry for your loss, especially in the holiday season. Don't be too hard on yourself. Many people have gone through a divorce. Life can become pleasurable again. I certainly hope so.
Who knows? You might meet someone else, or decide that being single isn't so bad. I'm quite used to it and when I see some peoples' relationships, I actually feel relieved to not have to go through all that responsibility. Making someone else happy can be a lot of work.
Whatever the case, if a new relationship is something you want, I wish you the best of luck. It's an old saying I know, but you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. It's the law of attraction. There are exceptions of course, but generally if you're down on yourself, you're no fun to be around and are at risk of doing the macabre co-dependent dance.
Two people trying to heal one another works sometimes. It's doable. I don't know what the success rate is, though.
Who knows? You might meet someone else, or decide that being single isn't so bad. I'm quite used to it and when I see some peoples' relationships, I actually feel relieved to not have to go through all that responsibility. Making someone else happy can be a lot of work.
Whatever the case, if a new relationship is something you want, I wish you the best of luck. It's an old saying I know, but you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. It's the law of attraction. There are exceptions of course, but generally if you're down on yourself, you're no fun to be around and are at risk of doing the macabre co-dependent dance.
Two people trying to heal one another works sometimes. It's doable. I don't know what the success rate is, though.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
What happened, or didn't happen, that made you think you could drink again? What were you doing to get six yrs of sobriety? I've had to answer these questions for myself before also. I had three yrs of sobriety about ten yrs ago, but I stopped going to meetings, stopped calling my sponsor, stopped working with others. You get the idea.
Idiot that picked up a bottle.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by jocata
What happened, or didn't happen, that made you think you could drink again? What were you doing to get six yrs of sobriety? I've had to answer these questions for myself before also. I had three yrs of sobriety about ten yrs ago, but I stopped going to meetings, stopped calling my sponsor, stopped working with others. You get the idea.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Hi Ghost.
I read your story here the other day. I feel for you I really do. I dont really have any advice cause 6 years is way more sober time than ive ever gotten. The last time I had 6 years was when I was 12 years old!
I cant imagine what you are goin thru right now but Ive been close to losing it all b4.
I believe I can get a great life together but it all hinges on my sobriety. Thats how I see things now.
It may not be everything I want or would like, but I still believe I can get some true happiness again. Or I can go the way I was going and be dead or in jail.
I think we all can find a little happiness, weve already seen some of the worst life has to offer.
Take it easy on yourself
I read your story here the other day. I feel for you I really do. I dont really have any advice cause 6 years is way more sober time than ive ever gotten. The last time I had 6 years was when I was 12 years old!
I cant imagine what you are goin thru right now but Ive been close to losing it all b4.
I believe I can get a great life together but it all hinges on my sobriety. Thats how I see things now.
It may not be everything I want or would like, but I still believe I can get some true happiness again. Or I can go the way I was going and be dead or in jail.
I think we all can find a little happiness, weve already seen some of the worst life has to offer.
Take it easy on yourself
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by ghostman1960
After my brief 2 week drinking binge after 6 years being sober I lost everything. I lost my wife, I have been thrown out of my house and got thrown in jail twice. I have been sober since Dec 14 and got back into AA and got a sponsor.
I just wonder if its all worth it. The damage is done. I will never get back the things or the woman I lost. I always pictured growing old with this woman. She was my life. My world revolved around loving her.
I just don't know if its worth it. The things that I lived for are all gone now.
I just wonder if its all worth it. The damage is done. I will never get back the things or the woman I lost. I always pictured growing old with this woman. She was my life. My world revolved around loving her.
I just don't know if its worth it. The things that I lived for are all gone now.
-In one's life, there is only so much happiness we can pour into our cup. After trying to fill it up with as much "happiness" as possible, it overflows and becomes a mess.
You do have an unlimited number of other cups (family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, people you'll never meet) that could use this spare "happiness" you are trying to cram in your life.
Right now, every bit of happiness you had in your life appears to be gone. While a lot is superficial, you did sustain some major blows in the loss of your communication with your wife. You can still turn things around for yourself. Live a more humble, honest life again.
Helping others, go to AA, and assist others in preventing the mistake you made. Be an example that a second chance always exists, and everyone can live a fulfilling life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
There is a song I love by Rosi Golan and one of the verses in it says "How am I gonna make it better if I can't go back" I think about this often, now that I am not drinking I have the same feelings as you, but it's one foot in front of the other and to deal with all of the things I was trying to drown! Good luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,428
One of my favorite saying is:
“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago....
The second best time is now.”
Don't get stuck in the past Ghostman.
I did that with not one partner but two (consecutive partners, I'm not a polygamist)
I spent so much time wishing for my past to be different I wasted several years of todays.
Plant a tree...let it grow...see where the branches take you....it got to be somewhere better than where you are now
D
“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago....
The second best time is now.”
Don't get stuck in the past Ghostman.
I did that with not one partner but two (consecutive partners, I'm not a polygamist
)I spent so much time wishing for my past to be different I wasted several years of todays.
Plant a tree...let it grow...see where the branches take you....it got to be somewhere better than where you are now
D
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