the nice dog that bites
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
Yeah, I've raised chickens for 20 years and even a pig this year, so the chicken and pig metaphor works well. When in treatment, now seven years ago, I recall being told in no uncertain terms to "Get Off the Fence!" I'm still a fence-sitter. Continued sitting gets one nowhere. I've been so hesitant to move, for fear of what's to come. So all points stated are well taken.
I appreciate the notion that there are many paths that can be taken and there's no doubt each must recognize their challenges and needs to choose the best path. I do think a sponsor would be a great asset to progress. Meetings have proven a solid, but temporary, distraction, as well providing a calmative effect. But they aren't a long term solution. A tool, anyway.
In all honesty, I do remain hesitant to proceed. Then I think about MI's comment, about living in the future. Living scared of what might happen only keeps one sitting on the fence. Maybe, deep down, what scares me most is losing that option of retreat I have in drugs, wherein I can vanish in an instant.
Again, truly, I appreciate all your input. I am seriously thinking about making a move, which is one step off the fence, at least.
I appreciate the notion that there are many paths that can be taken and there's no doubt each must recognize their challenges and needs to choose the best path. I do think a sponsor would be a great asset to progress. Meetings have proven a solid, but temporary, distraction, as well providing a calmative effect. But they aren't a long term solution. A tool, anyway.
In all honesty, I do remain hesitant to proceed. Then I think about MI's comment, about living in the future. Living scared of what might happen only keeps one sitting on the fence. Maybe, deep down, what scares me most is losing that option of retreat I have in drugs, wherein I can vanish in an instant.
Again, truly, I appreciate all your input. I am seriously thinking about making a move, which is one step off the fence, at least.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by andisa 
Yeah, I've raised chickens for 20 years and even a pig this year, so the chicken and pig metaphor works well. When in treatment, now seven years ago, I recall being told in no uncertain terms to "Get Off the Fence!" I'm still a fence-sitter. Continued sitting gets one nowhere. I've been so hesitant to move, for fear of what's to come. So all points stated are well taken.
I appreciate the notion that there are many paths that can be taken and there's no doubt each must recognize their challenges and needs to choose the best path. I do think a sponsor would be a great asset to progress. Meetings have proven a solid, but temporary, distraction, as well providing a calmative effect. But they aren't a long term solution. A tool, anyway.
In all honesty, I do remain hesitant to proceed. Then I think about MI's comment, about living in the future. Living scared of what might happen only keeps one sitting on the fence. Maybe, deep down, what scares me most is losing that option of retreat I have in drugs, wherein I can vanish in an instant.
Again, truly, I appreciate all your input. I am seriously thinking about making a move, which is one step off the fence, at least.
I appreciate the notion that there are many paths that can be taken and there's no doubt each must recognize their challenges and needs to choose the best path. I do think a sponsor would be a great asset to progress. Meetings have proven a solid, but temporary, distraction, as well providing a calmative effect. But they aren't a long term solution. A tool, anyway.
In all honesty, I do remain hesitant to proceed. Then I think about MI's comment, about living in the future. Living scared of what might happen only keeps one sitting on the fence. Maybe, deep down, what scares me most is losing that option of retreat I have in drugs, wherein I can vanish in an instant.
Again, truly, I appreciate all your input. I am seriously thinking about making a move, which is one step off the fence, at least.
I'm not sure there are many paths to be taken. If you are near HELL there is only 1 path that leads UP. There may be many that go horizontally or angularly but only 1 UP.... If you look you will find it.
"Maybe, deep down, what scares me most is losing that option of retreat I have in drugs, wherein I can vanish in an instant."
Have you shared that at a meeting? Everyone would identify with that statement, just don't let it stop you from moving forward (with the help of the others). Your option of retreat is just taking the path back toward HELL.
"Meetings have proven a solid, but temporary, distraction, as well providing a calmative effect. But they aren't a long term solution. A tool, anyway."
Do you really believe that statement? "temporary" "distraction" "aren't a long term solution". What is your "permanent, focused long term solution"?
i wish you the best.
Bob R
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
"Meetings have proven a solid, but temporary, distraction, as well providing a calmative effect. But they aren't a long term solution. A tool, anyway."
Do you really believe that statement? "temporary" "distraction" "aren't a long term solution". What is your "permanent, focused long term solution"?
Do you really believe that statement? "temporary" "distraction" "aren't a long term solution". What is your "permanent, focused long term solution"?
I don't have a permanent, focused, long term solution. Probably that's why everything seems temporary and fleeting. Nothing sticks. I hear it, then effectively rationalize it away.
The problem with AA/ NA has always been in the identifying. Even there I don't fit in; only the commonality of drug obsession connects us, which actually is all that matters. I'm not Christian, and I have yet to find a group wherein friends are made. So what I can find in a meeting becomes limited.
Finding a sponsor is my immediate, short term attempt at finding a solution. If I think beyond that I get lost.
Once again, thank you for helping me think this through. I genuinely appreciate the connections.
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