Strength

I am new to this site. I am very embarressed by this. I am well educated, successful in my career, a divorced mom with 2 great kids. I am a secret (or sometimes perhaps not) functioning alchoholic.

My father was an alchoholic as was my brother who was also Bi-polar and cross addicted. He died as a result.

I have had extensive therapy in regards to my dysfunctional past. While alchohol has always been a "back burner" issue, it's been present throughout. Now, I realize I must deal directly with this addiction.

I am not comfortable with the idea of going to AA but am open to a forum and support system such as this.

I've actually taken a few days off of work, to devote myself to cleansing my body and spirit. I am trying to give myself permission to grieve, acknowledge change and find the strength to truly move forward.

I am not comfortable speaking with anyone now about this (ie family and friends) and would appreciate supportive feedback.

Chy

Hi and welcome,

I too was a high functioning closet alcoholic, and I just want you to know it's so great to not have to live the lie anymore. You'll find a lot of great support and friendships here! Find a means of support in your area, I know I couldn't do it alone.

mountaingirl

Wow, welcome Strength. You've struck gold here. This is a wonderful community of tolerant individuals and everyone has so much to give. Have you decided to give up drinking entirely? It sounds like you are really ready to make a change.
A lot of people ask How do I know when its time? How do I know if I have a problem? You are already past that, so I commend you for making a choice to reach out.
The most important thing to start with, I have found, is a strong belief that you will have a better life when you deal with your addiction. And all of us are here to tell you that you can believe that. Its true.
I'm here for you, congratulations for taking the big step and posting!

Dan

Dear Strength,
Secrets out! Now, let me add my voice to the growing chorus of welcome! Oh and one more thing. Nothing you say will surprise us!
Again, welcome.

Dan

Jeff_C

Welcome to the site, and welcome to your recovery. Once more I’ve heard my story told or at least a goodly portion of it, and if ya hang around a while, you will too. The best chance that any of us will ever have is by associating ourselves with a “program�, and you’ll probably hear all the whys and wherefores of that as time progresses. If indeed you are one of “us�, you’ll compare in. If you’re not you’ll compare out, and of course that choice is always yours to make. Strangely, the solution is rarely abstinence, although that is a crucial component of any “real� recovery. “Sobriety� is considerably more than that, and is most often defined by the “quality� of life without substances, the ability to live as the embodiment of “happy joyous and free�, to be comfortable in our own skin, or my personal favorite, “wear life like a loose garment�.

It takes some doin’, and for those of us that have gotten there, we have in the realization of an astounding number of paradoxes. One of those revolves around the fact that we can never be so “ignorant� that we can’t get the whole deal, but we can be waaaaay too smart. And that’ll take us out in a heartbeat. Probably the most significant attributes we can develop are Honesty, Openness and Willingness, commonly referred to as the HOW�, and while that’s generally heard in regard to AA, it sure works for the whole concept of sobriety.

But I’ve blathered on enough. Again Welcome. Buckle up, and get ready for the ride of your life.
Jeff

Justme57

Good Morning Strength , welcome to SR!

You have found a great place for support , and friendship. If you have any questions , feel free to post , and I am sure you will have them answered soonest ! lol

My name is Lee, I am an alcoholic , 6 months sober ( in a few days) , and I live in Australia


HUGX

Lee

1Marty

Strength, I'm Marty, also a functioning alcoholic. I can relate to how difficult is is talking to family and friends about your problem. I was there. I must also say how much better it feels finally letting that secret out. Anway, welcome, you'll find others like you here.

sunflower93

Welcome! I am also a closet/functioning alcoholic mom of 2 kids and a very successful career. I've had 21 days of sobriety and a couple of off and on days of drinking. I'm back to more days of sobriety. I have started seeing a counselor and find that it REALLY helps to talk about the issues in a private setting. We are setting up a program for my recovery and yes, it will include AA and group meetings. However, even though I haven't been too interested in the group thing due to pride....embarassment...etc. I'm at a point to give it a try. It's worth my life, my kids, my marriage, and my career to get all the help I can. This board is very helpful and supportive. You are not alone. Welcome!

Chy

Soooooo.. how are you doing today?

Strength

Hi,

I want to thank you all for the kind words of support. It's been 2 days since Ive last had a drink. I have found myself very quiet. My kids are away with their dad and it's been important for me to be alone and not drinking. Lets see, I've gone on a long walk, painted porch furniture, knitted, watched TV and read.

Tonight a dear friend stopped by unexpectedly. She is going through a hard time in her marriage. After listening and spending time with her, I finally admitted my difficulties with alcohol. I guess telling others makes it true and thats the hard part. Once its out there I really do have to stop.

I have some questions. Do you have to tell people that you are an alcoholic? Can you just say you prefer not to drink, that you don't like the way it makes you feel, or that your concerned about drinking due to your heriditary? When would you tell someone you're dating?

Jeff_C

Hmmmmm, What’s “dating“? Actually you don’t have to do anything at the moment that you don’t feel comfortable with, other than “not drink�. Just getting used to the physical sensations of detoxing is sufficient for the first few days. After that, you will begin to notice the “mental� component, how you’ll begin to feel “fidgety� around those times when you normally drank. The “committee� will begin to chatter, first saying “Well, just one won’t hurt. Yeah, that’s it just one. I can do that. After all I’ve already proven that I can stop if I really want to.� There will be other times when things seem to be going well, when ya feel good, and the thought will suddenly come zooming in outta left field. “Geez, it’s a beautiful day, and a glass of wine (fill in your favorite beverage) would just make it even better.� There’ll be that kinda “stuff� goin’ on to a major or lesser degree for a while, and it will pretty much seem to be building towards some sort of crescendo over period of time.

How you speak back to the “committee�, will determine what direction you’re going in. “Us� trying to fix what’s wrong with us with -------------what’s wrong with us, rarely works. Aligning ourselves with a “program� of recovery will offer us not only our best chance of success, but generally begin to reveal what is behind the “symptom� of our drinking, and unless we’re prepared to deal with that what we generally end up with is that uncomfortable abstinence that keeps screaming for the release of a drink.

Fact is, we drink for one reason, and that’s to change the way we feel the moment we pick that glass up. That’s it, but of course that’s the tip of the iceberg that you’ll be asking yourself to explore. There are at that point any number of programs and/or support systems that you can utilize to start that process, all of which may have varying customs and rituals. You’re certainly free to form your own opinion of any of those, and choose to engage or not engage in any of them, as you see fit. There is no “sobriety police�, and of course the final arbiter of what you do in pursuit of your sobriety is always yourself. As you cruise the boards here you will find folks in all the various stages, and everyone will be glad to be of assistance. Post any questions that you have and you’ll probably get both a variety of responses, and opinions.

Most folks with any long term sobriety pretty much come down in favor of the F2F variety but you may find an exception or so to that. But I’ve gone on long enough. Congrats on your 2 days, and hang in there. Buckle up, and get ready for a ride. It’s worth it and so are you.
Jeff

mountaingirl

Dear Strength,

So proud of you - two days, that is huge! (Clap clap) Especially all by your lonesome. Wow! Can you feel good about that, or is it too good to be true? I know those first days are kind of surreal - like, wo - so this is morning without a hangover. Interesting. I found myself saying this: This is how children feel all the time.

I have another point of view to offer you, and that is what we are all here for. To discuss what works. You will hear a lot of folks tell you that going to meetings is the only way to really get sober effectively, to have the odds on your side. The fact is it isn't the only way. Its a really good way, but its not the only option, yet, in order to find your own way in recovery world you have to know yourself well enough to say :What is really going to work for me?

I turned a corner in my own recovery when I started reading tons of books on addiction, as well as memoirs - turning the lights on for myself. I also finally broke down and bought Recovery By Choice, by Marty Nicolaus (you can order it from unhooked.com ) which is a selfpaced workbook program for understanding the intimate truths of your personal addiction. There are ways in which we heavy drinkers are all alike, but there are also SO many ways in which we are one-of-a-kind. So, if you are not a group-type, I suggest you check into some alternatives. Recovery By Choice was exactly what I needed. Together with the support I've had here at this forum, my personal recovery system is really effective for me. I have 90 days sober today

hugs,

In memory of miracle

Welcome!!!

msnbuffalo

Hi And Welcome Strength

I am also a closet alcoholic, high functioning with a family and a good career etc...I am on my 46th sober day today after 15 years of daily drinking I am also not comfortable speaking with anyone about my addiction but I have gone to an AA meeting and admitted out loud for the first time that I am an alcoholic...It was for me an important step...

I have found that this SR board is very helpful and I rely on the wonderful people here heavily...I also agree with mountaingirl that there are different paths to recovery. We are all alike in many ways, I hear my story echoed by you and countless others here, yet we are all different in our own way too. I also have been doing tons of research, reading everything I can about addiction. I am reading books I would not have even considered looking at while I was actively drinking. I suggest reading "Under the Influence" by Dr. James Milam and Staying Sober by "Terence Gorski".

Congratulations on your first two days!!

The most important advice I got for my first few days was simply that tomorrow does not exist, I need only not take the first drink today....

Mike

Dan

A current favorite book of mine is "Addicted, notes from the belly of the beast."
A collection of essays that floored me.
2001. Greystone Books.
www.greystonebooks.com

DD

amandaleepiscea

Funny how the program/fellowship that I embrace teaches me that I need to be openminded and it is crucial to my recovery, but I am so CONVINCED that NA works that I just wish I could give to everyone the freedom from active addiction that I have found there (thanks AA!)... I am always learning more and more about what I have yet to learn! I like what mountaingirl asked you about recognizing what it felt like to finally wake up and feel a morning without the hangover... I learned that I enjoy being totally and 100% present in my life! I learned that getting up in the morning and going to bed after the news (or my exercises, or my yoga, or my book, or CSI Miami, or my phone calls, or WHATEVER!) feels GOOD. I am willling to believe that there are many many paths to get there but the only one I have any experience to share with you about is the one that is working in my life. 12 Step programs are unceasingly amazing once we really embrace them.

And as far as having to tell anyone whether or not you are an alcoholic or an addict or whatever you choose to call it... I agree that this is not something that can be answered one way or another. I find that most people who know me and knew me before actually did not HAVE to hear it from me... they knew already that there was something wrong. As far as work, well, my workplace does know but that is just for me... there are many addicts in recovery who are not inclined to share that there with good reason. And in a dating situation, well, for me it is easy because I am a woman who is relieved to be in recovery and I am committed to staying here - it is a part of my life... who I AM - which means that anyone with whom I would want to involve myself would have to be somebody with whom I would feel safe disclosing this very important part of who I am to. None of this is anything you need to worry about today. You are doing great by being here and reaching out. Admitting out loud what you have known inside for a long time now is very hard. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!! And it really is true (at least for me) what they say about how we are only as sick as our secrets... once we SHARE our pain with others who are willing to listen and can identify with us it somehow seems to lessen just even the littlest bit. Even a little bit is enough when the pain is as great as I am sure yours is.

Welcome to the beginning of YOU free from mind-altering substances! There is so much more to be grateful for by coming into recovery than there is to be fearful of, so much more to savor... I hope you are starting to feel comfortable with your own choice to not use today... you can do this!

Strength

Good Morning Friends,

Wow. This site is amazing. You are all helping me more than you know. Or perhaps you do know and that's why you're here. Yes, its day 3. I have had the priviledge of waking up free and clear- a child rising from sleep refreshed.

As I continue to explore this site, I find common "threads" - intellect, insight, and wisdom. Strength.

Mountain Girl, I am going to order that book you recommended. I think for myself, at this point, this will be a good start. I am a very private person in many respects. I live in a mid size University Town, and fear this becoming known at my place of work. Especially, as we run programs for youth experimenting or having issues with drugs and alcohol. It always amazed me that I'd be there with a major hangover. Hmmmm...

All part of my shame and guilt. I understand intellectualy the power of addiction and the physical elements/disease involved. But I have always been viewed by others as the tower of strength, the energizer bunny who just keeps moving forward. Somehow, I still view this as a weakness.

The weather is warming up and that is good. The sun is out. Today I will not drink.

Dan

Awesome!

mnj1024

day 3, thats AWSOME strength! I agree with what just about everyone else has said. It does take more than just not drinking. working a program of your liking will help you discover things about yourself you never knew. some good and some bad, but either way it's nice when we start learning who we are and break free from being who everyone else wants and expects us to be.

(((hugs))) to you
mike

spirit

morning strength - well morning for me i am in australia.

you name says it all 'strength', what a great nick. 3 days is wonderful and as you progress you will feel better and better. you are already motivated by doing things around your house, going for walks, looking at the world, which is wonderful, keep it going - it is worth it.

in terms of telling people, i was cautious about who i told, what i told, when and why. some friends i was clear about saying 'i think i am an alcoholic' etc, people i trusted. others i said i was on a new detox health kick, no fat, booze, ciggies etc. (back on the ciggies though - bad girl). at work lunches etc i would say "dont want to drink have a big meeting or report to do after lunch etc".

what i found is that when i started saying to people i was off the booze, for whatever reason, even the detox, it was surprising the number of other people, especially women who said "i should do that, drink too much at night, first thing i do when i get home from work is grab a drink etc" they were impressed etc.

besides if you were diabetic or whatever would you feel the need to 'confess' that to everyone, of course not, you would tell who needed to know, eg you cant eat certain foods, most people dont need or even want to know stuff!.

sometimes, i think we should only ever tell people things we would want them to tell back to us in 5 years time haha

you sound like you are doing really really well. and as the others have said this is a good place to be, it is private, but you can share what you want, learn from others experiences and realise you are not alone or different.

hugs to you and again welcome
kath