Time2Focus

I joined this site back in August, wrote 1 long post about how my drinking has been heavy for many years and is getting worse. I was determined to get it under control. I didn't drink for a week. Then I started again... moderately, believing that I could just have a few... and I did for a little while. Now I'm back to drinking to get that buzz on a nightly basis and drinking to drunkenness on the weekends.

Yesterday I started drinking around noon and drank all day and into the night. Even got in the car last night to go pick something up to eat at a drive-thru. While, I was out, I grabbed another 3 beers at a gas station and pounded those before I got home - that way I could ditch the cans somewhere other than my trash can at home and nobody would know I drank that much. I don't really remember going to bed last night and when I woke up this morning, I had a horrible headache and felt like I was gonna puke. So sick of this. Feeling really down and ashamed of myself today.

Hevyn

Welcome back Time. I did the same thing, many times. In the end it was so much easier to just stop all together. I knew there was no control, ever. I was afraid for my life, knowing once I had that first one anything could happen.

It's great to see you back here, willing to try again. You can definitely do it this time, and we'll help.

pipparina

welcome back to SR. Do you think you're ready to stop? Moderation is awfully hard, and doesn't seem to work. Not drinking, while a little hard in the beginning, makes life so much easier.

Delilah1

Welcome back Time. I originally joined this site in May or June of 2011 as Mubu (I know silly name).I then joined again in March of this year and posted once and onc again in September.

I finally decided enough and have been posting every day since October 12th. Try reading and posting daily, it has helped me stay accountable and motivated. Also, read through this site to come up with a recovery plan that will work for you.

You can do this!!

Time2Focus

I used to think I could drink moderately, but I'm starting to think that it is not possible. I keep reading about this kind of problem gets progressively worse and I'm starting to see that in myself.

Maylie

Welcome back, there is nothing to be ashamed about. Most of us have tried to moderate with our DOC and we all learned the hard way, that it doesn't work.

Instead of being hard on yourself, use those feelings as motivation to stay on track thing time. Put a recovery plan into place, attend meetings or find people you trust that you can turn to in hard times and during cravings, and keep posting and reading around here. You can do this! We all started off feeling helpless and like getting sober was an impossible task and then we muster up the stength to stop for a week, which turns into a month, then into a year, etc. etc.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Maylie

Dee74

Welcome back T2F

That realisation - that I couldn't and wouldn't ever drink moderately - felt like the greatest loss at the time...but it really has been the greatest gift for me.

My life started again form that moment of awareness

D

Xune

I concur.

At the time, I wasn't aware of the freedom that would come from that realization, but I knew in my heart of hearts...

I had a drinking problem and I could never drink alcohol again.

For me, that was the first step of liberation from the slavery of addiction.

zeroptzero

You never again have to feel the way you did this morning. Please learn from this- and let me suggest that the lesson is "I can't moderate" as opposed to "Moderation didn't work this time, because . . ."
You will never wake up on a Monday and think, "I wish I drank more this past weekend."
The other good news is that other than shame and a hangover your research into moderation did not have any major negative consequences. That will not be the case if you continue on the path you have been on. A great time to quit!

rbtrucking

I too just recently had a relapse and I am pretty upset with myself about it as well but you just need to remember it is not worth it and like many have said you CAN NOT use moderately it does not work for people like us. I relapsed friday night and thought its cool only one night wont hurt but the next day and to this day I am back craving it like crazy. Its like that one time hits a reset switch in your mind. Before that I had been sober for a month but now I am back on the right road and trust me if I can do it anyone can. There were times when I thought I would rather be dead then not drink every night. It is simply one of those things that your mind psyches you into thinking you need when in reality it is the last thing you need.

Since I stopped drinking and its only been a month I have accomplished more then I had in my 10 years of drinking and that alone is enough motivation for me to keep off the drinking and drugs! Dont let that one relapse ruin everything though I know how that kind of thinking can start and you can start thinking well I messed up already might as well contineu. That is the road I almost took the other day but we all have so much more to live for and will be so much happier without the poisen! Best of luck and dont give up it is the most worthwhile thing you will ever do trust me!

TTBABP

Hey Time. I originally signed on here in June on a Monday just like you are describing. I was on and off around here until this past Saturday (12/1) which was just like the day you are having (Been here each day since). I am hoping never to have another day like that again. I hope the same for you. Take care. Listen to the wise advice and wonderful encouragement form the people here. That's what I am trying to do.

rbtrucking

Very well said, couldn't agree more!

Anna

Welcome back!

I think most of us here, me included, have tried moderation many times. I was really determined I could make it work, but I ended up exhausted mentally and physically and drinking more than ever. You're right that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop.

You will find lots of support here.

Time2Focus

Wow. I laid down to take a nap and just signed back on. Thanks everyone for the advice and words of encouragement. I really do need to get a grip on this. I've thought about meetings, not sure if AA is exactly right for me...but I would be willing to give it a shot. The only problem is... I work long days and the meetings are always during my work hours. *Sigh* Maybe I can go to one on a weekend..

Dee74

Check out your local area AA - google 'your area +aa' - you might find there's more meetings than you think

lots of other alternatives too - online meetings - or other recovery groups...

don't lose your momentum

D

MycoolFitz

My best. I used to work long hours until I got too wasted to work

MsJax

Hi time2focus . One thing I always do in my recovery & the rebuilding of my whole life is remember just how much time & effort I put into being a drunk. I can surely put that much time & energy into being sober & healthy.


You really never have to feel so rotten again. There will be bad times but at least not from boozing.

least

Welcome back to a new shot at a better life.

Time2Focus

I have done that and there are a lot of meetings in my area, but they are all during my work hours, with the exception of mornings...but I watch my son in the mornings before I go to work and he goes to daycare. I suppose I can take a long lunch break and try to get to some meetings during the week.

neway55

Moderation was out of the question for me. Once I started couldn't stop until the bottle was gone. Even tried buying small bottles, but would just go get another one if the stores were still open.
Admitting that to myself has helped me stay out of the liquor store.
SR has done more for me than anything else I've tried.
Find what works for you.
Look at today as a place to move froward from and not back to.