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30 days for me

Old 11-25-2012, 03:29 AM
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30 days for me

I am especially happy about this 30 days in that I have broken a previous pattern. (Stopping drinking for a period and then slowly going back to my previous ways and then some.)

After almost nightly drinking for over a year (most I had ever done although I knew I drank too much on and of for years and years prior to that) I decided to stop drinking on August 18th after a huge argument with my partner while I was drinking. After 7 weeks or so of no drinking I decided spur of the moment to drink at a wedding. Within 3 weeks I got drunk on three different nights and scared myself as I knew for sure I was heading towards nightly drinking again.

As some of you know, my daughter has a terminal illness. She is 4 1/2 and was diagnosed over 2 years ago now. It's been hard--devastating really. Of course the alcoholic in me used her illness as an excuse to drink at night after she was asleep. We really don't know where our daughter's illness is going to take her. We do take things one day at a time and try to suck each ounce of joy out of our days. For the most part we succeed. But there are moments of sadness as well. Those moments are hard. Really, really hard.

I have been in therapy since August and finally admitted to my therapist that rather than just "Drinking to cope with my daughter's illness", that I am and have known I was/am an alcoholic. With her strong encouragement, after years of me thinking AA was not for me, I decided to attend AA meetings. I've been to 6 so far. I've read most of the Big Book. I say the serenity prayer. My concept of god is not there at the moment--most days I go with good orderly direction.

Don't have a sponsor, yet, haven't worked the steps yet. All I can muster is brief shares. But I am there. I am striving for progress, not perfection. I think within the next 30 days I will ask someone to be my sponsor.

I'm especially excited because I shared briefly in the largest meeting I've been to yesterday (all women's meetings so far)--it was my third time there and I hadn't been brave enough to do it yet. It was quite the challenge but I did it--and got to meet a few very nice women yesterday after the meeting. All wanted to know more about my daughter, which was nice to talk about. One woman with 20 years of sobriety told me that I had much courage for getting sober with all we have going on. It really meant something to me as I've never really thought of myself as courageous--but there she was calling me that.

As for drinking--I've had many drinking events in these thirty days and have been able to say no at each one--including a wedding last weekend. I am very grateful for that and to have these thirty days again.

This thirty days is so different than any other 30 days. I do believe AA is helping me, despite not being able to jump head first into everything I would like to at the moment.

Progress and not perfection. And making sure I don't pick up a drink one day at a time.

I also have been hitting the gym hard (getting up at 5 AM so I can get there and back before my daughter wakes up) and have since August lost the almost 20 lbs I gained from all the alcohol. I fit into all of my old clothes again and feel very happy about that. I am very grateful that I am able to work out and hope I can do so for a long time.

This site has also been tremendously helpful to me in these 30 days. Thank you to everyone. Due to life circumstances I really can't get out and get to meetings like I would like to so it is very comforting to be able to pick up my phone and just read a few posts and not feel so alone in this world.

So again, thank you. To those who have been here awhile and keep on posting for all of the newcomers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And to all those newcomers who only last a day or two--keep trying, please, keep trying. You can do it.
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Old 11-25-2012, 03:35 AM
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30 days is awsome!!! I'm really sorry about your daughter. Be proud of yourself for facing this sober. Best gift you can give her and yourself. I admire your courage
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Old 11-25-2012, 04:06 AM
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Congratulations on your 30 days SavingSelf

D
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:45 AM
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You are courageous SavingSelf and you sound like you are doing all you can to help yourself be the best you can be.
Your post is inspiring, THANK YOU. Keep at it.
I agree with you on progress and not perfection... No drinking one day at the time, our children need us to be real, we need us to be real.
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:52 AM
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:01 AM
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Congratulations on 30 days and thanks for sharing your story.
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:07 AM
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Congrats on your 30 days
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:18 AM
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Congratulations on 30 days That is awesome. You are very courageous in many respects; your daughter's illness, the courage to share which can be very scary and the willingness to change. You are far stronger than you realize. My hat is off to you
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:33 AM
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You are the picture of bravery and strength. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. That is heartbreaking.

You are very unselfish to post your story - I am confident that it will touch a lot of us, and will help us.

I wish you and your family the very best, and congratulate you on your 30 days sober! You are an inspiration to all of us. Best wishes.
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:42 AM
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Congratulations on 30 days! Your post is inspiring, and your courage is as well.
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:43 AM
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Congrats to you on 30!!!
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:26 AM
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Congratulations on 30 days! Your post is very inspiring. I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter, but also proud of the awesome gift you have given to her and you - YOU!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 11-25-2012, 01:10 PM
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Congrats on your sober time!
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Old 11-25-2012, 04:08 PM
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Thank you everyone for your responses. I greatly appreciate it.
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