KAD

Yeah, PurpleLove, I hope you'll pardon my saying so, but it sounds like it isn't just his drinking that would make this a relationship fraught with problems. Whether he's drinking or not, saying things like it was a bad idea to get involved with you, to me, would be an open invitation for you to say, "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!" Indeed that is a mean and abusive thing to say to you. It certainly doesn't bring feelings of warmth and closeness to the relationship. I'll say no more about it if I'm over the line, but from what I've heard so far, he's bad news for you.

Put it behind you if you can, and do enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday. Focus on your kids and make it a day to remember. You'll get through this.

Purplelove

GetMeOut I came here seeking advice and with that I expect some honesty. I know some of the things I hear I'm not going to like, but I need to hear them so I can try to move on. I appreciate the words of everyone who took their time to post in here.

nonet4life

purplelove, how was your holiday? are you OK?

ZiggyB

Hi Purplelove,
I hope you are doing okay. It isn't easy to break up with someone who is an addict. I wanted my ex to stop drinking so many times but he always went back to it... we had a lot of arguments around the time he lost his job. He would cope with every problem by drinking. I think he was mentally ill in addition to the drinking problem but I couldn't get him to seek any help. He was angry a lot and I usually got the brunt of his anger. His friends drank a lot too which made me feel helpless and utterly alone. It's been very hard to move on because I loved the sober him. Hang in there, you will feel better in time.

Purplelove

Hey guys sorry its taken me a while to reply. Though things for me haven't changed much, I'm coping with the breakup a little better. I still have my days where I'm still angry by what has happened though. Wish it wasn't me who had to loose someone I care about so much (yes tons of self pity going on). The ex and I still talk quite often. Now that's he's stuck in SC and in his mom's house in the middle of nowhere, I get to talk to the sober version of him. Of course he regrets leaving me and moving out of state, but I still have yet to receive and apology from him being sorry for his drinking or the problems it caused in our relationship. I'm hearing so many I love you's, yet not really any real attempts to admit his problem with alcohol. I'm taking things one day at a time right now. Trying to focus on myself and my girls. So far it is turning out to be a not so bad holiday season without him.

dedubya

Im sorry purple.
Love and addiction are very, VERY powerful things. Follow your heart, but dont destroy it.
Dub

nonet4life

Good for you. If you didnt miss him, or if you werent angry at him for messing up your relationship, it would mean it didnt matter enough to impact you. It is OK to be angry, OK to be sad about relationships, within reason and within limits. These feelings are what us drinkers used to be able to avoid, or at least check out of on demand. All our problems were still there after the drinking, but what we loved about drinking is just letting all your problems go, and usually hanging out with others who are doing the same thing. The problem is, that that isnt how life works. If you are sad or angry, you'd best work your way through it with a booze break, which won't solve anything, eats up time, and always leave you with less money and a hangover. The other big problem of course, is that this temporary check out means you can become addicted and unable to control your drinking, messing up or completely ruining your life and those around you. A high price to pay for something that takes the edge off, just a little something to help you relax. enjoy your children, they will move on soon enough as kids do, and you wont have this family time ever again. treasure each day, and guard your treasure well, Happy Holidays.

Purplelove

So I just got a phone call from him telling me that he just got beat up and he's in the hospital with a broken nose and busted eye. He got into a fight with someone from his past and his family is mad at him (kinda doesn't make any sense). He's now asking me to come home. I simply asked him what happened and if he was planning on going to meetings if he came back and he went off on me telling me i'm with someone else, and that's why I don't want him back, then he hung up on me. I want to tell him to come home, but I just don't trust him or his motives. Him coming home isn't because he misses me or the kids, it's because he knows he can walk all over me again. I'm not sure what to do or how to answer his request about coming back down here.