FitNonDrinker

Hi everyone. Today is the first time I've ever googled about being an alcoholic. Im a wife, mom of two wonderful little boys, a personal trainer, and a big WinO. Also very nervous posting, so please forgive my wording.

I can easily drink 1 bottle of wine a night. We've just moved and had many major life changes, so I've told myself it's OK to cope with wine. Then I started realizing I'm hiding it from my husband; I'll buy a bottle, and keep it in the truck till he goes to bed. Then I keep the extras under the counter and switch them out, putting the empty ones in the recycle bin when he's not looking.

He stared making comments in Sept this year. Then I started getting annoyed with him. "Does he really think I have a problem?" I feel so embarrassed going to get wine. I look at everyone there and think "I dont look like them, so I'm ok".

I wake up in the am anxious and mad at myself for drinking. I am a personal trainer and workout most days. Again, something that makes me think it's "ok". If I can get up and workout, eat pretty healthy... then I'm ok.

Spend 4 years in the military SLOSHED most weekends. I quit drinking entirely with both my pregnancies. But no matter how long I stay quit, I can start again like I never missed a drink. I can outdrink most men, and all my girlfriends. Being in the military, and living among them. Hasn't helped. Lots of drinking all the time. Another reason i felt like I was "normal".

I'm ashamed, depressed, and have NO ONE to talk to. I think I'm afraid to tell my husband I think I have a problem, b/c then he may not want me to ever drink again. *sigh*...... I'm so confused and sad.

I'm happy to have found this place.

vinyl

Thank you for sharing your story and having the courage to do so. It's not easy but you know deep inside it's time to stop the cycle. You've joined a great community here. Don't stop reading threads and please continue to ask questions and let it all out! You're among a large community of people who have most definitely been through your current experience.

Be sure to look over the various paths people here explore in recovery as there are several, not just the primary one you always hear about. There's several paths we have all chosen and it's important you find the one right for you. Most important thing right now is to not drink, so don't drink today, stick around in this forum and keep talking it out.

Take care.

FitNonDrinker

Thank you so much! Looking forward to hanging around, I appreciate all the information here.

Dee100

Hi there. I just joined this site today after ages of fighting a battle in my own mind - the person who knows they are throwing away their health and life (I too have two amazing little children) and the person who keeps wanting to drink and 'excusing' my bottle of wine a night (or more) as not that bad because some people drink more, in the morning..I make many excuses to myself

This is my day one after drinking a shameful amount on the weekend, with my husband making a few comments and me totally forgetting things that had happened etc in the evenings and having to pretend like I do.

I can drink a large volume of alcohol too and I am a active person, That made me feel like I wasn't doing damage, I hope so much that I haven't. I stopped drinking completely when pregnant and now I am back to my habit it affects my skin, my sleep, my relationships and I need so much to change. I wish we could flip a switch and stop.

I tried AA but really didnt connect, that's all we seem to have out here as I live in a rural place in the UK. I'm relying on support here and I wish you and everyone else the best of luck x

charleesavedme

FitDrinker, I relate to your story and know how you feel. I am not a personal trainer, but am a high functioning drinker. My husband told me last year he thought I should stop drinking and I got angry at him. I work, take care of my household and kids and thought I can manage my drinking. But, I got so tired of waking up hating how I felt and how I looked. I got tired of hiding the amount I was drinking. I got tired of not liking myself. So, last Wednesday was the last drink I took. I'm still very new - only on day 5, but I can tell you that the past four mornings I have liked that person I see and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I know I'll have plenty of struggles as I go down this road, but this site is very valuable. I have not told my husband that I now consider myself a non-drinker but he can see I'm not drinking. Actions speak louder than words and so eventually, after time I will tell him and others close to me. Right now, I'm just taking each day at a time and focusing on me. Good luck.

SavingSelf

Hi and welcome! Just wanted to say I can relate to you posting about working out/eating right etc. I too felt like it was "ok" to drink a bottle of wine or a six pack a night if I was being healthy in all other areas. Truthfully, I knew it wasn't ok but wasn't ready to stop.

Anyway, I think you will find you will feel even more fit and better if you let go of the alcohol. I know I do.

Please stick around and read lots. That is what I do.

Auvers

Welcome. It's good you found SR because there is so much information, support and understanding here. I can relate to much of what you said, about playing the switching games with the wine bottles and disposing of empties on the sly (lol I fooled no one). I did the drinking several decades and wish I had been able to face the fact of my alcoholism many years earlier as you are doing. With your youth and fitness, you are seeing the edges of alcoholism's toll -- the red face, draggy mornings, struggle to cover up the quantity and forgetting parts of the night before. You get a bit older, it deepens, you find you've developed a hard edge, a cynical eye, anxiety, rosacea, gouty arthritis, alcoholic hypertension. There are worse things that follow, I stopped in time. But basically I played that game way too long. It's good to get off that particular treadmill the sooner the better.

Sasha4

I have suffered that next day anxiety.....and it is horrendous. You have my every sympathy.

I don't think you have to make any dramatic statements or promises to your husband concerning your drinking at the moment. Just have a think how you feel and how you are going to try and change things.

I have 280 days today.
At first it was hard, trying to fill the gaps. I did a lot of cleaning, had a lot of early nights and drank a lot of hot chocolate......but now I could not imagine drinking every night like I used to. As my days stack up, I am proud of myself. I don't hate myself every morning like I used to.

I kept wondering if I was an alcoholic or not. I am a mum, work full time, look after a house. The constant thoughts swirling round my head just meant I prolonged my drinking. So I just decided that drinking made me unhappy. No need for a label.

I wish you the very best x

FitNonDrinker

Oh Dee, my heart goes out to you. I know what you are feeling. The worst part is how ashamed I feel with my husband. I wish I could tell him all this, and I prob should. He's a good man. I guess I'm just frightened of the thought of never drinking again.

I'm sticking to this site, reading and posting daily. Just knowing people like you seems to help. Bless you and lets be strong together!

FitNonDrinker

High functioning drinker.... exactly what I consider myself. There was a lady on Oprah forever ago, she was a normal mom, took care of the kids, pto, blah blah blah,.. but very heavy wine drinker. I can drink a bottle of wine a night, and get up the next day and feel "normal"??? I'd love to know how many women drink wine, like a bottle a day? Not that it makes it ok, but I know a few of my friends who are prob close.

Does anyone think that wine has a different affect v/s beer? Of course there's that psychotic side of me who keeps thinking there are "health benefits" from wine. Sad.....

FitNonDrinker

You are right, I'm fooling no one. Sad fact is, most nights I cant wait for my husband to go to bed so i can watch tv and drink, drink, drink. Drinking alone I know is one of the "signs". And when I think about the nights I've missed with my boys, that's criminal. I have a 6 year old, and dont want to miss anymore of any moments.

Thank you for your response, and I hope you are continuing to do well.

FitNonDrinker

Wow, 280 days! That's awesome! Good for you And I dont want to wake up hating myself anymore. You are right. Doesnt matter IF I'm an alcoholic or not... drinking only makes me sad. Nothing good comes of it.

charleesavedme

I know for a fact many of my female friends and neighbors drink a lot of wine and I was right there with them. I have many times told myself, "I only drink wine...it's not like I drink vodka or gin..." as a justification. I also looked forward to my husband going to bed or better yet, going out of town so I could drink all I wanted without him seeing. But, my kids saw. If I think about it too much I get so upset with myself, but I'm trying to put that in the past and move forward.

phoebe64

Welcome fitdrinker. I am on day 5 and have/had very similar drinking habits. A bottle a night. Off and on since having some health issues 2 years ago. But bad the last month. I had 4 months at one time, sober and felt so good and got thinner than I had been since before I was married.

And I am struggling right now, really thinking, just one night.

I am glad you came and shared. Reading what you post was like a mirror, and about the anxiety when you wake. Ugh.

I am reading everyday, and many women are just like us, with very similar habits, younger kids(mine are getting a bit older, 13 and 8) and high functioning. But my health has suffered.

We can do this. You can do this.

Welcome.

KitKat7575

Hi FitDrinker

I'm a mother to a beautiful 7yr daughter. I was drinking at least 2 bottles of wine every afternoon/night. On a particularly anxious morning, I could drink a bottle in 15minutes just to calm the panic. Which, of course, resulted in me drinking all afternoon/evening, waking up in panic, having a drink.....and so the cycle continues. A highly functioning alcoholic.
I'm now over 6wks sober.
You can do this, believe me. I wish you all the very best on your journey xx

least

[QUOTE]I think I'm afraid to tell my husband I think I have a problem, b/c then he may not want me to ever drink again.[/QUOTE

Never mind what he wants, what do you want? You've got to do what's best for you.

LivingforMe

Are you sure we are not the same person? I too just recently moved. Marine Corps vet. Hiding alcohol and all. The support here is awesome. I'm only a few days into it but hang around. It's so easy to voice your feelings here and not be judged.

nogard

Welcome to SR FitDrinker, glad you found us

Dee74

Welcome FitDrinker...and welcome to you too Dee100

This place made all the difference to me - I know you'll find the help here to turn things around

D

Pondlady

Welcome Fit and Dee,
We ladies could write book about our love of wine! I too could finish a bottle a day. I resented evening commitments, as I couldn't be at home drinking wine. I almost always drank at home, with my husband or by myself. He was concerned about my drinking, but did not nag and said he didn't want me to feel like I had to hide it from him.....in the long run, this was a good plan, as only I could make myself stop.

I tried moderating in summer of 2011, but gradually returned to daily drinking. I stopped all alcohol in June 2012 - so about 5 months ago. I told my husband I had a problem and asked if he'd stop for awhile, just till I got over the hump. The first 3-7 days, I was in a cleaning frenzy and had to keep busy and change up my routines. Well.......five months later....neither my husband or I drink, we walk every day, and have lost weight. As a woman, I notice things about my hair, skin and nails - drinking dehydrated them. I feel so much better. No more shame and disappointment in myself.

Sobriety doesn't make life perfect, but it sure enhances everything....and restores pleasure in the simple things in life. Try it, I highly recommend it