Xune

There is nothing in one unit of alcohol that I want. I don't want just one...ever!

I am unable to control my consumption of alcohol and so, I abstain completely.

Alcohol abuse will both destroy my life and it will kill me.

That is why I do not try and control something that I admit, I am unable to control.

Do I miss drinking?

No, because I am incapable of having just one of any kind of alcohol.

Good choices is my thought for you.

KitKat7575

Well done on 11 days GetMeOut.....superb stuff!!! I think you should just go with whatever approach works for you. You've lapsed before when you've had no alcohol in the house....so this strategy may well work for you. I hope so.
I have wine in the house. And cigarettes. I haven't yet been inclined to have either. When I have removed all temptation from the house before, I become a woman possessed.....craving it. Now it's here...there is no desperation. There is also no desire. I too would like to be able to drink in moderation....and I would hope I'm strong enough to do that. But not yet. If ever......
Have a wonderful day.....I would say 'eat, drink and be merry' but.....infact I WILL, but maybe not an alcoholic drink x

KitKat7575

What am I on about?? I can't drink, I know that x

KAD

The jury is still out on whether or not I would even risk attempting moderation. It's not something I feel any pressure to try. For now, I'm doing well to not even feel the least bit tempted to reach for those beers. I do wonder what I would do if there was vodka in the house. I don't feel strong enough to tempt myself with that just yet. Maybe never. I'm just trying to listen to myself more intently this time. The real self, not the Beast self.

Xune

If even you consider an attempt at moderation a risk, why take the chance?

What benefits will you honestly get out of one single beer, that you wouldn't get out of a glass of soda water and lime?

KAD

I'm not taking the chance, I'm just taking things more slowly. If I start feeling tempted - that kind of temptation - I know at that point that I won't be able to handle it and I will dump them before it's too late. The way I did things in the past, immediately clearing the house of all alcohol, didn't work either. So far, this is.

Offhand, the satisfaction of knowing that I can moderate just like everyone else who doesn't have a problem with alcohol. That sure would give me a sense of victory over it.

Xune

You would be one of the statistically few people who've a problem with alcohol and can then moderate responsibly.

Study, after study, after study indicates that surest way to remain sober, is to abstain completely.

I wish you well with the choices you make.

KAD

Right now I'm in the safe zone because I haven't made them yet. I'm sure I'm not the only one around here who has quit drinking but still has alcohol somewhere in the house, whether for guests or another resident. As I've said, I may choose to dump them at some point but as long as I'm not feeling tempted, why go with what I know has not worked in the past, which was reacting to a knee-jerk reaction to dump it all? If I decide to do that after a period of waiting, then it's something done upon careful consideration instead of knee-jerk. Does that make sense?

MythOfSisyphus

I also drank for 25 years, but mostly I drank hard. It was only after work for me, hadn't reached the point yet where I needed a nip in morning (but I know that point was coming soon). My every attempt at moderation ended in failure, just as yours have in the past...an will probably in the future. In the end it was a simple risk analysis for me. The probability of death if I continued drinking was pretty high while the benefits I got from drinking were minimal and diminishing each time I drank. George Carlin once said that in the beginning drugs and booze was a lot of pleasure with very little pain but that as time when on it became the reverse- lots of pain with very little pleasure. That's where it go to be with me. A lot money, a lot of guilt, a hangover, my life lived largely in a fog, all for the few fleeting hours where the booze made me feel great.

I'm not sure what you want to find here. We won't judge you whatever path you take but you must know we've all been down that road and have used the same excuses to keep from finally quitting once and for all. I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. Good luck with whatever path you decide on.

KAD

To be honest, I don't know what I'm looking for either in bringing all that up. I am serious about quitting, just examining where, why, and how I've failed in the past when I was just as serious. I wasn't doing something right or I wouldn't be right back here on my umpteenth quit. So far, the only thing that has worked for me the longest was AVRT, but I must have missed something. The book said once you make a Big Plan it's impossible to break it. I made at least a dozen. I don't know how I could have been any more sincere. Of all the recovery methods I've seen, I still like AVRT best, but something didn't sink into my head somewhere.

MythOfSisyphus

Everyone is different. I'm on my first Big Plan but I could still trip on my d!ck down the road! I'm not trying to bust on you, either, just picking your brain a bit for ideas.

It sounds like you're sincere. I don't think you should get discouraged because you weren't immediately successful. We don't fail when we fall, we only fail when we don't get back up.

KAD

Day 14 for me. 2 weeks. I have to keep reminding myself to stay patient with this. Sober time seems excruciatingly long sometimes, but it's only because I've grown conditioned to equate that with success. I find it practically impossible not to focus on it. The longest I have ever been abstinent is 2 years so, subconsciously, I don't feel like I've really accomplished anything until I surpass that benchmark. And it seems soooo far away. I know it's counterproductive to think of it that way, but I can't seem to escape it.

Somewhere in the course of this thread I mentioned that I was holding onto 4 beers that I had left over when I quit. I had told myself that, since it was always my history to automatically discard all the alcohol in the house when I quit, this time I should take things more slowly. Think it through. Maybe, I thought, once I've been sober for a substantial length of time and feel confident enough, I can teach myself to moderate. I can just have one beer with my dinner every night and be satisfied with that.

At the end of my 2 years sober, when I caved and drank again, I initially only drank about once/week. Within a couple months, it was about 3 days/week, and shortly after that it was every day. I was right back where I left off. If I did that after 2 years of sobriety, and in the preceding years my drinking wasn't as bad as it has gotten since, why in the hell would I think I could suddenly manage moderation now? Why would I even consider it important enough to try?

I just dumped the beers. 2 weeks was long enough to wait. Last night I sat imagining what would likely happen, probably, the first night I attempt to moderate. These were the tall beers, too. The rationale was: 6 of these tall ones is equal to 8 beers. You know, more bang for the buck, right? Anyway, I could picture myself getting about halfway through that beer and just beginning to feel that buzz. By the time I would finish it, it would be even more evident. Then I would say, "What's one more? The AMA says 2 drinks/day for men is good for the heart!" So, then I'd crack the next one, ignoring that it's actually more than 2 drinks because it's the tall cans. The buzz would get stronger. At that point, I would likely throw caution to the wind, and grab the next one, and then the last one, and then I'd soon be in my car headed to the store for more.

That's my pattern and I saw it very clearly in my head. It would likely unfold just as I imagine. So, they're gone now, to not even be a consideration. I have to stay away from it, for good. I already knew that. The Beast was just trying to fool me again.

artsoul

Congratulations on 2 weeks sober AND for pouring the beer out! When you were describing your "pattern" I could totally relate - you really hit the nail on the head. One drink is all it takes to start the progression all over again.

I wouldn't worry too much about getting obsessed with this forum. I sure was in the beginning. I think you'll find that it levels out after a while. Keep up the good work - you're doing great!

Delilah1

Congratulations on 2 weeks!! Sounds like you are doing all of the right things. I hope you enjoyed Thanksgiving with your family.

BabyJane

As my sponsor said to me once : God will steer the boat if you allow it, but you must do the rowing. You can stop rowing anytime you like, but God won't pick up the oars and row for you, God will only steer with you doing the work needed.

Idk. I really like that. I think it's true. God helps those who help themselves and sometimes God is in the form of a radical miracle that's unexpected or "undeserved" but mostly it's on us to take the next indicated step. I know from my personal experience that I can't just stand around and wait for my HP to fix me or repair my broken life, but if I do some things to maintain a spiritual connection and stay sober, God shows up. Everytime.

Keep rowing my friend.