hypochondriac

Welcome to SR June

Yeah meetings help, but there are also loads of other things that can help too, like SMART and AVRT. I think you can learn pretty much everything you need to know here Glad you found us x

Hevyn

Hi Junebug - it's great to have you with us. You already have some good responses. I'll just add that it can take over our lives without us even realizing it's happening. Like Windancer, I started out innocently - and it completely took over my life. I got dui's and lost people and things - my world caved in.

This doesn't have to be you. I'm glad you came here to share your feelings and get input. You won't regret it.

Dee74

welcome to SR June

I'm in the 'alcoholic? who cares' camp - if you''re drinking knowing it might be doing you harm, and it's causing other relationship problems as well...it makes sense to stop, no matter what you like to call it.

Meetings definitely help a lot of people - you'd know that from AlAnon.
Why not give it a try?

D

phoebe64

I do not go to meetings, but think I want to. I need support in real life and I need a sober social life. I figure I could make friends there. But, where I live, I fear running into people I know. Not that I would see them there, but that the confidence would not be maintained.

And, I have to admit, there is a little piece of me that knows if I am public about my stopping drinking, then I am much more accountable.

But my bigger concern is getting a label in the community and the fallout it could have on my young children. It can be a gossip-y community.

Good luck Junebug, if you try them.

Dee74

A lot of people go to meetings outside their community Rochele

D

phoebe64

LOL, Dee, which then makes me afraid to run into neighbors there!

Seriously, am thinking about That. Close, but maybe a town or two away. If I want to make friends, really, would be better off sticking closer to home, right?

I know a trigger for me is boredom and loneliness. Most women I know would be up for "going out for drinks." So, seems meetings are a good place for recovery and making sober friends. And for getting away from hubby when he is drinking. I could be out in meetings tonight and avoiding him. But then I am running away from y kids too, since they are here.

It would be so much easier if he wanted to stop too.

Anyway, sorry, this thread is not about me.

Junebugapril

Hi Hypo,

Thank you! What are Smart and Avrt? I am so so glad I did find you !!!!

Junebug

Junebugapril

Thanks Hev, I appreciate your comments. I love forums, I think this is a great way to do things. I am so sorry to hear your world caved in. I am glad you are on the right path now.

I really think finding my ex on Facebook was a wakeup call. All the memories came back of when he was drinking and using drugs. The time I helped him get his drivers license back after his DUIs, and he took my van out and crashed it into a highway barrier. I lied to my insurance company and said I was driving it.

I put so much of that awful time out of my mind, it was so horrible for me. I don't want to end up like my ex. I don't feel I need to hit bottom. I am hopeful that with your help, I can stop drinking before it becomes a serious problem.

Last night I was going to go to a meeting. But I didn't because I thought it would be a trigger to drink, sitting around talking about it. I did not drink last night. I had cravings but I did not drink.

My 92 year old neighbor is in the hospital. I take care of him as much as I can. A few nights ago he was supposed to come over for dinner. He called me and told me he fell. He ended up breaking a bone in his neck when he fell. He is still in intensive care, but he will be okay. He just has to wear a neck brace for a few months.

I have been really stressed going back and forth from the hospital, all the phone calls. It has really made me want to drink. But the night I stopped drinking was the night before my neighbor fell.

Scorecard:
Up until Tuesday, November 15th. I drank a bottle of wine, sometimes more, sometimes a bit less, every night.

Wednesday, November 14th. First day in about a year that I did not drink.
Thursday, November 15th. No drinking
Friday, November 16th. I downed a whole bottle of wine in about an hour.
Saturday, November 17th. No drinking.

I think I can do this. It is not as hard as quitting smoking. I hope I can do this.

Thank you again, everyone, I really appreciate hearing your stories, and all the resources you are giving me.

Junebugapril

Junebugapril

Rochele, I understand what you mean about if you are public about stopping drinking, it makes you more accountable. I have only told one person I know that I am stopping drinking. I sure won't tell my sister who is on my case all the time to stop drinking. I am afraid it will jinx it to tell people.

Going in another town does seem to be a good idea. If you go to a meeting, I guess I can try it too. I was going to go to one last night, but I was afraid it would make me want to have a drink. Go figure.

I was very cranky all day yesterday. I am wondering if crankiness can be a sign of withdrawal.

Junebugapril

Well, I don't think making friends is the most important thing about meetings. Maybe a bond, but not really a social thing. It's hard to say. If your friends are important to you, maybe there will eventually be a way to socialize with them without drinking.

Yikes, this thing is hard.

I found a really interesting thread on what it's like to be an alcoholic on Quora. I can't post links yet but if you Google "What is it like to be an alcoholic? - Quora" you can find it. People gave some really heartfelt answers.

phoebe64

Wow, Junebug, we have so much in common! When I really got bad with the drinking began when my elderly father was hospitalized with a severe health crisis. I would have a couple of glasses of wine after a day running around to see him and juggling that with being the mother of a 18 month old, and having no child care support at all.

Big triggers, a stressful day like that. Good luck. But think of how much better able you can help him feeling well.

hypochondriac

They are both tools to keep you sober Do a quick google search on 'AVRT, Rational Recovery' and 'SMART recovery'. Or look in the secular connections forum here x

Junebugapril

Thanks Hypo, I found AVRT, Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. It makes sense:

My quick take on it is that *I* don't want a drink, my addictive voice wants a drink. I can separate it from myself, and name it. I can say *My Junebug is saying it wants a drink*. It's not me. I get it.

Below is a comprehensive, 200-word description of AVRT, providing enough information for you to end your addiction, right now.

Observe your thoughts and feelings, positive and negative, about drinking or using. Thoughts and feelings which support continued use are called the Addictive Voice (AV); those which support abstinence are you. When you recognize and understand your AV, it becomes not-you, but "it," an easily-defeated enemy that has been causing you to drink. All it wants is pleasure. "I want a drink," becomes, "It wants a drink." Think to yourself, "I will never drink again," and listen for its reaction. Your negative thoughts and feelings are your AV talking back to you. Now, think, "I will drink/use whenever I please." Your pleasant feelings are also the AV, which is in control. Recovery is not a process; it is an event. The magic word is "Never," as in, "I will never drink/use again." Recognition defeats short-term desire, and abstinence soon becomes effortless. Complete separation of "you" from "it" leads to complete recovery and hope for a better life. The only time you can drink is now, and the only time you can quit for good is right now. "I will never drink/use again," becomes, "I never drink now." It's not hard; anyone can do it.

Junebugapril

Yes it is about you!!!! Please, (((Rochele))), it is about you, please feel free to say whatever you want and ask whatever you want. This is about all of us.
Junebugapril

phoebe64

The AVRT relates, in my head, to the idea of a toxic relationship. I remember being so *done* with a boyfriend, many years ago. I had just had it. I knew I never wanted to be with him because he was so bad for me and to me. Then, I felt so free and it was easy. Life was so much better not worrying about if he would call, if I would see him, etc... I also knew I would never be with someone like that again, where they had any power over me.

Alcohol is like that. I need that mindset for alcohol.

Junebugapril

I did talk to my doctor of many years, but he retired recently. He is the one that found out I have Hepatitis C. He was shocked that I was drinking and thought I was absolutely crazy to be drinking. Now that he retired, I have to find a new doctor. I do have an appointment with a new liver specialist next week. So it is important to have your doctor on board?

Junebugapril

Least, three years is amazing. I am so happy to hear you are feeling good. So it feels better to be sober than to be drinking? I know that probably sounds like a dumb question.

Sasha4

I spent years trying to make my mind up if I was an alcoholic.
In that time, I carried in drinking.....doing more damage.

Everyday, the smallest twinge would have be worrying about my liver.
It was relentless and tiring.

In the end, I simply decided that it did not matter about a label. I did not need a definition for my drinking.

Drinking makes me unhappy and that's all I need to know.

I would also rather reach this conclusion, before hitting rock bottom. I would prefer not to loose my job, car, home etc if I can.

I wish you the very best x

Junebugapril

Hi Sasha,
It sounds like you and me and Rochele and not sure who else are all in the same boat here. We have either just stopped or are thinking about stopping. I am glad you don't care about a definition. I am realizing that I hate the label ALCOHOLIC. I am more comfortable saying I have a drinking problem. I can easily admit to that. But saying "Hi I'm Junebug, and I am an Alcoholic" is just plain scary to me. It gives me the creeps. Semantics don't matter. What matters is my desire to stop drinking. I finally admit I have a problem. That's something to be proud of. At least it's a first baby step.
Junebugapril

Junebugapril

Oh2Exhale recommended that I watch this 10 part series. I am just amazed by it. This is really good. Thank you O2!
www youtube. com/ watch?v= NP0InrPZpjg

Sorry I had to put spaces in it because I am not allowed to post links yet.