Not comfortable with my recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2
Not comfortable with my recovery
Hello. I have been clean off of opiates for 6 months. It has been ups and downs, but mostly downs lately. I keep thinking about drug use and get excited thinking about it. Then I think about the negative consequences and get upset that I was even thinking about it. I tried NA for a little bit and couldnt get into it. Now I am thinking Na is the only way but I dont want to go and if I dont go I may eventually relapse, but I dont want to. I want to live a healthy life and put this behind me, but I am worried. I guess I am white knuckling it. I go to a therapist and she says I should go to NA or go meet a group of people. I tried SMART but dont get much ou of the online meetings.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: westfield,in
Posts: 15
i may be way out of my element here and I don't want to give you bad/wrong information but someone suggested that I read up on PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrom) so I did today & it sure describes what i'm feeling at 4 months of sobriety...i think you'll see a lot of yourself in it too. I get very anxious, try to figure every detail out, I flip flop on going to meetings then not going to meetings (first once was yesterday) and on and on. I think going to meetings for you & I would give us structure and also for at least that one hour our minds would be busy on the moment and not on thinking so much about just ourselves if that makes sense?? again, if i'm way off please set me straight someone!! definately google PAWS though..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 101
Hi Ace!
I don't know if this will be helpful for you, but I'll tell you anyway.
I had a couple of cracks at sobriety, and in the end NA was what actually helped me. Now, I'm not going to say it's the best thing going because that's subjective, but I found by speaking to other addicts who went through or who were going through what I was helped me tremendously. The easiest and fastest way to find other recovering addicts is through NA.
For me, I felt like I was the only person in the world who felt like the way I did. It was refreshing to talk to someone who didn't judge me, who didn't say, 'Well, I can't understand why you would want to do that to yourself. Why don’t you just quit?' I used (and still use) online support, but I find that it is good as a supplement to face-to-face in the beginning. I tried just about everything until I hit the bottom, and I went to an NA meeting with my four-month old son in tow.
Everyone is different. There are those who go faithfully every day, week, etc. There are those who are very active in NA/AA and it's a large part of their life. I went everyday for the first three months, then I cut down on the meetings. I still go around my anniversary date. I was also in therapy, and that helped tremendously as well. I made good use of SR, as well as other sites that are focused on recovery. I have spoken to people on the other side of the world who I thought I've known forever. Collectively, it helped me remain drug and alcohol for close to 5 years.
Just know that it does get better, but you have to work on your recovery not just abstinence. When you abstain, you're just putting your addiction on hold. That monster will come back, believe me. You're not getting to the root cause of your addiction. That's why NA/AA is so helpful. When you work the steps it gets all of that out. My therapist was good for muddling through my other issues. I needed other recovering addicts to get over the drugs.
The first year is a real test. It's not easy. You NEED the support of other addicts. You don't necessarily have to choose NA/AA, but you must get the support of other addicts, preferably face-to-face. If I could do it, so can you. I am painfully introverted, and it's was a real chore for me to be around people, especially with a baby. I thought I was going to be judged without mercy, but that never happened. It saved my life. I know you can do it!
I don't know if this will be helpful for you, but I'll tell you anyway.
I had a couple of cracks at sobriety, and in the end NA was what actually helped me. Now, I'm not going to say it's the best thing going because that's subjective, but I found by speaking to other addicts who went through or who were going through what I was helped me tremendously. The easiest and fastest way to find other recovering addicts is through NA.
For me, I felt like I was the only person in the world who felt like the way I did. It was refreshing to talk to someone who didn't judge me, who didn't say, 'Well, I can't understand why you would want to do that to yourself. Why don’t you just quit?' I used (and still use) online support, but I find that it is good as a supplement to face-to-face in the beginning. I tried just about everything until I hit the bottom, and I went to an NA meeting with my four-month old son in tow.
Everyone is different. There are those who go faithfully every day, week, etc. There are those who are very active in NA/AA and it's a large part of their life. I went everyday for the first three months, then I cut down on the meetings. I still go around my anniversary date. I was also in therapy, and that helped tremendously as well. I made good use of SR, as well as other sites that are focused on recovery. I have spoken to people on the other side of the world who I thought I've known forever. Collectively, it helped me remain drug and alcohol for close to 5 years.
Just know that it does get better, but you have to work on your recovery not just abstinence. When you abstain, you're just putting your addiction on hold. That monster will come back, believe me. You're not getting to the root cause of your addiction. That's why NA/AA is so helpful. When you work the steps it gets all of that out. My therapist was good for muddling through my other issues. I needed other recovering addicts to get over the drugs.
The first year is a real test. It's not easy. You NEED the support of other addicts. You don't necessarily have to choose NA/AA, but you must get the support of other addicts, preferably face-to-face. If I could do it, so can you. I am painfully introverted, and it's was a real chore for me to be around people, especially with a baby. I thought I was going to be judged without mercy, but that never happened. It saved my life. I know you can do it!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Ace
That's about the reddest of red flags there is. You're lucky you have this warning and can do something about it 
I think supports important...some can get by with things like online meetings and SR...others find they need more.
Why not give something like NA a try?
I think it's better to try something that might just move you forward than sit and wait to be pulled backwards again?
D
I keep thinking about drug use and get excited thinking about it.
I think supports important...some can get by with things like online meetings and SR...others find they need more.
Why not give something like NA a try?
I think it's better to try something that might just move you forward than sit and wait to be pulled backwards again?
D
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 124
Thanks all for your support. I really cant do anymore na or aa meetings. I think the reason i think about using is because i dont want to think about it. That is everything in my life happens like that. If i dont want my mind to be on something it is on it. The cravings pass. They come in the morning. Im really paranoid about relapse. I didnt think about using as much when i was in my daily routine of doing different things. Im taking it one day at a time. Mits just that i hear all this disease stuff and relapse is inevitable if your white knuckling it. I have family support, a counselor, and i go to a cognative behavioral group to help with anxiety, but this past week i have been sick and unable to do these things along with working out. I. Just paranoid about relapse. I dont ever want to go back to that.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
OK now I know it's you Ttal...
I'm a bit confused to be honest - your two posts sound like two different people to me.
One post says you get excited thinking about using and you might need NA...the other says you're fine really as is.
If it's not the problem you said it was before then ok...I guess.
are you still hanging out with old friends in old places?
D
I'm a bit confused to be honest - your two posts sound like two different people to me.
One post says you get excited thinking about using and you might need NA...the other says you're fine really as is.
If it's not the problem you said it was before then ok...I guess.
are you still hanging out with old friends in old places?
D
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 124
No I dont hang with old friends at all. I dont put myself in any situation where drugs are involved. The other day I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some cough syrup and I made sure to tell him I cant take nothing with codeine in it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Somehow somewhere I think you need more support! I have trouble with AA and NA but Ive surrounded myself with a lot of other supports systems and am waiting to get into an inpatient program. Ive struggled with addictions for years and I have learned I must not get complacent and I have to remember to continue working on myself and why I dont drink.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
There is a line in AA that says, "What do you get when a horse thief stops drinking? You get a sober horse thief." This simple means when we sober up all of the things that caused us to be an addict are still there. We are still the same person and the same man will drug again. Drugging/Drinking is a symptom of our underlying problems. We have to change and AA/NA gives you a plan broken down into 12steps to accomplish this change. I have changed more in the last 3 years than I have in previous 40 and guess what? I am sober today. AA/NA has worked for millions so put as much effort into your recovery as you did into your addiction and you will be amazed at the results
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