FreddyBear

So I'm at day 3 now (again), beginning to feel better physically, but the emotional part really suck. As the title goes, I live alone, work from home, and also drink very heavily alone at home every day. I don't have any social life at all, the only people I communicate are my parents and maybe staff from the fitness club, I go there swimming sometimes to decrease hangover. Needless to say I'm super depressed about how my life's going nowhere. I'm 31, single and want a family and a decent circle of friends in the future, but I have severe social phobia and lack vital social skills. It seems I'm stuck in this rut forever.

Getting loaded in front of my PC every evening (and heck, the daytime) somewhat helps. I forget about my situation, downing my beers one after another. It was just OK for several years, but last 2 years I started having very bad emotional hangovers the next 1-2 days instead of plain head aches. I was a happy yet lonely drunk, and now even beer doesn't help. Vodka and other hand stuff did not help either, I can't even stand the smell and taste of it.

To sum it all up, I drink 16 to 24 beers a day to forget about my sucking life and the hostile world outside. In the morning, I get from my apartment and here the sh*t begins. I dread meeting my neighbors and can sometimes wait 10-15 minutes for them to leave the stairs. They despise me as a drunk, I used to play loud music at 3 a.m., show up with beer and hookers, super drunk with beers in my hands, laughing out loud at 7 a.m. Then I go to parking lot, where I'm yelled at by some stranger because I left my car on his place which I don't remember. This list goes on and on, and when I finally arrive back home, lock the door and pour the first 2 bottles before even taking off the clothes to cut the edge off this f*cking day.

I'm stuck between two worlds. I'm not a happy drunk anymore because of post drinking depression, and when I don't drink, the pressure of life and the feeling no one cares is killing me.

Any advice from those working at home and/or living alone are appreciated. Sorry for the rant.

SoberForMySon

I don't live alone, but I can relate to some of your post for sure. I think you need some support to quit, and this site is a great start. You don't have to see anyone face to face to come here! And we all understand. I'm glad you decided to try again. You're welcome to join our November thread too. It sounds like you've had enough of the road you're on, and I can totally relate to that.

MidnightBlue

Hi, FreddyBear.

I am now working from home and living alone. It is not as bad, after all, since you have a chance to develop new routines that will support you in the future.

If your main social activity is a fitness club, go there every day. It will do nothing but good to you. If your finances are Ok, hire a personal trainer, then you won't be tempted to skip workouts. I go to my fitness club almost every day.

Before going to bed, make a schedule for tomorrow. It's as old as time, but helps a lot. When you wake up wandering around, chances are you'll waste a lot of time during a day. Stick to your schedule, no cheating on yourself. it's hard but it's just matter of habit. It won't be easy, but what is easy in this world?

Invent some reasons to go out: anything but going to a supermarket. Until your neighbours are not masterminding your assassination or you are going to marry some of them, it is not your business what they are thinking of you. If you don't bother them any more with loud music and bad parking job, just shift your focus to something else. Again, not easy, but...Well, you know, sobriety is not just about not drinking, it's about changing your lifestyle.

That's for now. Hope, you'll find some of the above useful.

Take care and have a good day.

Cleopatra1

hi ya,, i work from home, have done for long time , its very hard to do even if you dont have a prob with al,, you have to be very motivated and disiplined,, so i really feel for you,, im not on my own, hubby and kids, but im here all day alone, and i too got in a rut, of not wanting to go out, answer the phone, see neighbours ect,, but ive quit drinking, now im on one week totally sober, not even had any cravings, i take herbal supps, kudzu , its an anti craving vitamin, non addictive, and i swear its helped me huge,, also ive been reading and got some great advice from these fab , ace, guys and gals here,, youve made the first step by recognising there is something up,, and thats brill.
try to think positvely, you have a home, you have a car, you have work,, that is more than alot of peeps have,, and now you have new friends,, here xxx
keep posting and reading,, im always here, pretty much eveyday,, cos these peeps understand you,, and there are some grogeous ones here,, me included"!!! lol,, lol
much hugs and lv to you,, lv xx cleo xx

elderine

Hi Freddy. Just wanted to say that I sympathize - I have a similar situation to yours. It's very hard to live alone and work at home. It was much easier for me to control my drinking when I had a job away from the house, or a lived with others. At least then I had some accountability! Now I can drink absolutely whenever I please and others don't have to know. I don't have any specific ideas for you other than trying to add structure to your days in whatever way you can, whether that's working with a personal trainer to get some structure/accountability, going to AA, signing up for fun classes, etc. I've been trying these. Anyway, I obviously don't have all the answers (I am only on day 8), but I really do sympathize with the challenges of your situation. Best of luck!

PS. Posting here helps! It's helping me a lot so far. I love that I can wake up early in the morning, check in, and feel motivated to not drink during the day.

gaffo

Posting here really helps. I created my whole life around drinking. I need the people here, who understand.

buickbeast

Don’t be sorry for ranting man, it’s good to blow off steam once in a while. I’m also 31, single with no kids and live by myself 5 out of 7 days. About a month ago, I was hitting the bottle hard. Like a fifth a day by myself…and I eventually evolved into an emotional wreck. I was tearing up watching Sportscenter?!?!
Check out what you have going for you: It’s better to live by yourself then have terrible roommates. You’re not unemployed, you have a car. I’m a veteran, and I’ve seen in person people lose the ability to swim in a few nanoseconds. You have things people can only dream about.
Like another person said above me, hire a personal trainer if you can. If you can’t, think of it this way. A 16-24 pack of beer a day is $15 a day. You already know that route is goin make you feel physically and mentally miserable. Take that $15 a day and you have $450 after a month that can go towards a personal trainer and maybe a weekend road trip or something. Something that really worked for me was that after I dumped all my booze out, was that I immediately replaced the stash with gallons of water and some green tea. I noticed that I like to walk around with a glass in hand, so now I carry around a jug of water. Hit up the gym soon as you wake up every day and spend at least half an hour in there. Ask a trainer to set you up with a fitness program. If you don’t feel comfortable going to them, PM me and I’ll set you up with one.
I have ptsd from the middle east, and I’ve noticed my anxiety has dropped considerably since I made this life change…I just started this month, less than a week and you will feel like a new person!
If nobody cared about you, no one would reply to your post. We’re here to help man! You can either drink and be miserable, or you can make the change and start your new life right now.

orchid82

If you have the ability to work from a laptop; you could try working from a coffee shop or the library; just so you are not isolating in your home. That would be a good way to meet some new people too. And if you don't have a laptop, it shouldn't take long to save up with all the money you are saving on beer

FreddyBear

Hey Cleo, thanks for cheering me up. Btw, what exactly herbal supps are you taking, and what's that anti craving vitamin? Hearing of this for the first time.

These can help alot, thanks mate. Did you drank at home alone, too?
I will talk to a trainer today, he seems like a nice guy. Schedule can work too, but I have troubles pitting something in there for now. I used to go to walks, alone, usually in the night. Sometimes it was good, but sometimes very depressing, especially on weekends or holidays. I saw alot of people in groups having fun together, making plans, and felt like the life is passing by.

Yeah, in fact I spend more on booze itself and a lot more to related stuff - food takeaways, drunk shopping, gambling. So, $1K a month easily. I also bought homebrew beerin huge gallon bottles from one guy who put his advert online. During Monday, I've polished off three full pieces of it starting right from the morning. How crazy is it?
[/QUOTE]

God.. I have 4 gallons of beer in my trunk now. Today I'm having very bad cravings, and that's the first day the hangover seems to lessen. How sick is that?? I even downed a pint of ice cold pepsi, it helped. Not healthy though, I'm well overweight already.Does plain water help? I'm used to drink lots of liquid, so I think you're right - we need replacement for this.

buickbeast

You need to dump the beer from your trunk. If you don't, you know you'll be tempted to drink it. Not drinking is tough, not drinking when you have booze around is a lot harder.
Plain water will help a lot. Think of water is to our body as oil is to your truck. I can not recommend enough that you see your dr with your urge to stop drinking. He or she can prescribe meds that will make the journey a lot easier, and more importantly, safer.
Green tea and gatorade will really help you out your first week of sobriety, along with B vitamins and a multivitamin.

goat79

i feel you man it sucks we need change..................

Dee74

Hi again Freddy

I used to work from home and drink....now I work from home and don't drink.
Support made all the difference for me - that and building a life I wanted to live.

Seeing a Dr helped with my depression too - why not discuss this with a professional?

D

FreddyBear

Hi Dee,

Yes, I'm making a little bit more threads than I probably should, but I need to talk to anyone. There are nobody in real life, and my parent's don't know about the problem. They only know I'm some weird recluse.

Honestly, I'm afraid to go to a psychiatrist. Don't know how to behave and what to tell him. I've heard they can be judgmental, too.

Dee74

well, going to a counsellor was probably one of the best things I ever did...
a good p-doc or counsellor shouldn't be judgmental...they're there to help you get to the bottom of your issues, not give you more grief

Different horses for different people tho.

but have you given any thought to what else you're going to do to get out of this cycle you're in?

Vitamins and herbs are all very well (I recommend you get some professional input on what might be suitable for you)

but they can't change your life...only you can do that.

D

toughbreak

Your situation sounds like the last 5 years of my life, except that I was playing World of Warcraft while not leaving the house and drinking more wine than beer. I lived alone like this for a long, long time, not leaving the house except to throw packages at UPS (not a great environment for making friends). I drank multiple bottles of wine a day...it was awful. I still occasionally do this to myself, and I keep trying to stop; it's a struggle. As far as your being lonely... well, I finally made some friends by going to church. They have helped a lot, but I still struggle to control my drinking day to day. It's like sitting alone in front of the computer is programmed into me, as is drinking to make it more bearable.
Friends do help; if you are a religious person or could be a religious person, I'd advise seeking out a church group of friends. It has made my existence more bearable.

FreddyBear

Honestly, no. I've done 2 x 1.5 sober months in this year, and every time I relapsed out of boredom. Nothing changed, nothing good was happening, there were no joy in things. So, I went for the beer. Perhaps I'm doomed to fail again if I go the same route.

MidnightBlue

Hi, FreddyBear.

A good couselor may be of a great help. Don't worry what to say: he/she is a professional and know what to and what to ask.

When you put yourselif in a position to whom life happens, you make yourself helpless. And you are not helpless. It takes some effort to make changes in life, but it's possible. Toss beer you have in the trunk, go the gym regularly, adopt healthy nutrition, find something you'd like to study (maybe additional education in your field of work, etc). Sky is the limit.

Take care.

Dee74

I really needed to change my life Freddie...these days I figure if my life is boring then it's up to me to fix that.

Think about interests, hobbies...what would you like to do?

maybe even some volunteering could help? it gets you out of the house and mixing with other human beings....but at a comparatively low stress level.

It was not only physical changes tho - I also had to accept that drinking was not an appropriate response to boredom...ever.

being bored is uncomfortable but it won't kill me - drinking nearly did.

D

Caldus

Freddy, I have a ton in common with you. I drank alone 99% of the time myself. It crept on me very slowly over the years. It just started with me drinking alone on the weekends. Then, over the course of the next 4 or 5 years, it would slowly change from every weekend to every weekend and Wednesday, then Sundays as well, etc. etc. Then before I knew it, it was every night. I would rarely get super drunk with other people. I always took care to not to do that except in rare situations. Otherwise, I always wanted to just get home, get drunk, and pass out.

I also have a ton of social anxiety. Going to all of these AA meetings, having a sponsor, and making it to meetings has been tough for me because of all of the social interaction usually required. I just hate social situations and my default behaviour is to sit in front of the computer and drink. But I have been forcing myself to live differently. I have had some very good weeks and a few tougher ones in sobriety so far. At least they weren't all full of awful hangovers and panic attacks like it used to be when I was drinking every night.

As others have said, I just need to stay sober for today. "There is always tomorrow". Then, tomorrow, when I wake up, I will work on staying sober that day as well. Rinse and repeat. Have you checked out an AA meeting yet? I know how you must be feeling ... "but I have bad social skills and can't interact with people". Trust me, I know how you feel. Social anxiety is a weird and tough thing to deal with especially since we live in a world full of very social human beings. But you need a plan of action. You won't be able to deal with this problem by yourself. It took me a whole year of floating around AA meetings trying to run my own custom recovery plan (which didn't ever work out -- always led to me drinking again a few days later every single time) before trying out real AA. You will need to seek outside help. I recommend AA.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR Freddy, you will find great support here. I am closing out Day 28, and on day one had to dump my wine out. We have bottles in our wine rack that I am planning on giving away as Christmas presents.

My husband still has beer at night, he has cut down, I would like him to stop but I need him to decide that for himself.

I agree that you should dump the beer, it is hard having triggers around. Also, keep reading and posting on here.